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I have been great. I’ve been spending a lot if time with this new guy. I left the state for a week and during that time he asked me to come to a wedding with him. At that time we had only known each other for about two weeks or so. I’ve met his kids and we all get along great. There is no tension, no stress, no BS. He respects me, helps me by rubbing my back and feet, he cooks for me and gets my coffee ready in the morning. I found a man that is working so hard for our relationship. Time flies when I am with him. I almost can’t believe I found such an amazing man. He is vulnerable with me and appreciates that I am vulnerable with him. We just got back from a 4 day camping trip. It was amazing. We work so well together. I have known him for almost two months and I have no issues. He even sends me these sweet voice messages in the morning before I go to work. I can’t imagine being happier. I can’t express how grateful I am for the advise. I feel like he might be the one. I broke off contact with the divorced guy shortly after we started dating. I don’t even think about him much anymore. I feel like letting him go was definitely the best choice. I feel like I am loved and wanted.
I’m in a lot of pain. I know you are right. I don’t want to let him go but I know it is the best option I have. I decided today that I would, I just haven’t gotten the courage to do it. I really don’t know how to without ruining any chance I might have in the future or make it uncomfortable at work. I will do it though. I know if I keep opening the same wound it will never heal, so I need to do this for my sake too.
I’m trying to stay focused on dating other people. This guy I told you about so far is my favorite, but I’m talking to a lot of men. I am very pretty so it isn’t hard for me to get men interested. I have a few dates lined up for the rest of the week and I am really hoping I can keep myself from overthinking this situation. I know I can find someone who will be the whole package. I just need to get my act together and put more energy on finding someone who will respect me and give me the love I deserve.
Well I definitely don’t mean power as in controlling. I just feel like I have more control over how I interact in a relationship and what the outcome will be. Understanding the way men perceive things it’s kind of a game changer, and it’s nice to see positive reactions when I use advice from this course. As for the new guy, I just met him the other day. We went and had coffee and just talked about literally everything. It seems a lot easier to talk about what I expected in the relationship kind of knowing what not to say. Rephrasing to building a life with someone instead of more vague answers seemed like they made his respond in a more positive manner. He is a small business owner, divorced, has three kids, lives alone, and is pretty easy going. He is respectful and feels like he is a genuinely good person. We had a lot of fun just talking. Right now I think he is someone I would consider dating. I have other options too. So far though it feels good
I have been. I guess I am struggling with the small town mentality of “what is the whole package?” I understand what you are saying and I have looked at him from other points of view. He is responsible, very clean, seems to be good with money, and is actively involved in his kids lives. That’s the main reason I asked for help. To me he does seem like he could be a great partner. I don’t want to waste more time with a guy that isn’t worth it, believe me. I am just having a hard time deciding if he is worth it or not. So just give me the cold hard truth. Is this a relationship worth fighting for or am I chasing my tail? I have faith in this program. I have already been able to see that what is being taught is the truth and it works. I have a guy now that I just met that I talked to for hours, we talked about just about everything and I heard everything this program talks about. It was amazing and I did feel like I had the power. But if it is possible to get any guy to be devoted to me, is it crazy to still want the newly divorced guy? Tell me what the whole picture looks like.
That’s a lot of information to process that I really wasn’t thinking about. Let me think about this before I give you a definite answer but I will tell you this, it isn’t what he says. Although I like how confident he is when he talks it really has nothing to do with what he says to me. It’s when he holds me that I feel whatever this is. It’s something I just can’t describe. I feel like when he holds me he means it, like I’m the only thing that matters. None of the other guys, even the ones that tell me they miss me and they don’t want to lose me and how much they care for me don’t make me feel the way he does when he holds me. I say that he mesmerized me because of it mainly because I really haven’t felt that before, I really don’t know how he does it. I was with my (now ex) husband for 12 years and not once did he ever make me feel like this man makes me feel just by holding me. I am at a loss. I felt this before we had sex, it’s one of the reasons I caved.
I want to add one more thing, you mentioned that I could’ve just been lonely. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when he started calling me at work. I almost rejected him because I didn’t want a relationship which is why I’m so confused on why I feel such a strong connection with him. I don’t think it’s because I was lonely, I really wasn’t. I even gave him a super stupid task just to see if he was just bullshitting me, I told him I would agree to go on a date with him if he could find me on Facebook. I didn’t think he would do it, which would’ve made it very easy for me to just tell him no. But he did and continued to pursue me daily until I agreed to go out with him. To be honest I didn’t even get dressed up for the date. I went in my work clothes, I figured I would get a free meal and that would be the last of it. Honestly I feel like he’s the one that mesmerized me and I can’t break away from it.
OK, so I’ve been doing a lot of reading and so far I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t think he’s a bad guy. I’ve been following some of the advice in the readings and some of the things that have been sent to me via email. I have also been seeing other men. I really don’t think he is trying to hurt me. I have read a lot about people how are emotional coming off as needy, and when I read my messages to him I can see it. I have stepped back and not contacted him unless he contacts me first. I don’t expect or assume anything and I am really trying to make myself more valuable by not just giving in to him. I still struggle with it, but I have decided that I do want this relationship to work. I have feelings for him that I can’t explain and I can’t ignore. I compare the other men I meet with him and the way they make me feel. I just don’t feel the connection with the other men. I understand that I may be wrong about this but want it to work. I want him to give me a chance. I have seen that when I don’t give in he tries harder and I can see his excitement when I arrive. I can get him to do things for me he refused to before, but I don’t know if I can make him commit. I’m scared, he makes me feel so nervous when I see him at work. I need guidance on how to get over the butterflies so I can say the things in the book. I want to appear confident. I want to learn how to make him work for me. Past relationships have always been easy for me and mostly long term. Most lasting 4 years or more and with me usually ending them. I don’t know how to approach a relationship like this. If I fail at this I can accept that, but I want to try.
That is something I think I would like some advice about. You see when we first met I wasn’t single. I wasn’t looking for a relationship and we did work together but I never really paid much attention to him. He was funny and I like to joke around with him when he came by, but he also didn’t seem particularly interested in me either, which is probably why I wasn’t really interested in him. I don’t tend to chase guys that don’t seem interested in me. Again, at the time he was married so I don’t know if him not acting interested was just him not being available or if he really felt that way. I’m really lost, I just don’t know what to think. What changed was when we went on our first date, he really seemed to get me and we had so much in common. He was very charming and seemed very interested in me. He has never been inappropriate around me and I really don’t have any reasons to question him. He also seemed like he really wanted to make me happy, but that could be him just trying to get what he wants. When he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship that was my biggest fear, that he used me for sex. I’m not thinking clearly right now and I know it. I’m emotional and I’m trying to validate myself and prove that what my ex said about me wasn’t true. It still hurts and I want someone who gets me and is a decent guy. But how do I know if he is just using me or if I am pushing him away?
