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So funny you wrote that, because I just got back from my Orlando vacation last night. Yesterday, I couldn’t help but think that the restaurant server was paying me more attention than the guy I wanted! It was eye-opening, and I definitely agree that a guy will move when he’s interested. This guy may not be. I know he’s going through a lot with his business right now with his partner having left, so that could be his focus right now. Or maybe he’s just not into me. I don’t take offense if he isn’t. I know that not all guys I like will like me back. It can be for any reason, but I just wanted to know definitively.
Then I realized that I was putting too much into this when there are other guys much closer. It’s all about propinquity, right? I have to go out and meet other guys! I had been staying in due to Covid, but I’m vaccinated now. I should be going out again, and not limiting myself to this online interaction. We can still be friends without the pressure I’m placing on this.
I’m going to keep messaging him every now and then, but exercise other options much more. I’m not his focus – so he shouldn’t be mine. Lesson learned, thank you!
What you’ve written certainly makes sense. I’ve also been wondering about his readiness, since I know he works so much as a business owner. I just wish I could ask him and be done with it, but I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers too soon. Like you said, I’ve been trying to get to know him as a friend. I think part of my issue is impatience. I’m not used to having to wait this long to figure out where a guy is in his life, and I’m a straight shooter. I usually ask right away, but this isn’t a dating scenario and requires a bit more tact. However, I’ve not been in a relationship for over 5 years due to working on myself after divorce. 6 years if you count the separation period. I started dating again over a year ago and then the pandemic put an end to it. I’m ready to be in something with someone who wants to be in it with me. That may not be him, and I’d rather know sooner than later. He could not want a relationship or just not be interested in me romantically. I still want him in my life in general, as he could be a good friend. I just wish I knew already. Really not used to not being direct. I will follow your guidance, and hope that the revelation comes soon so I’m not barking up the wrong tree. Thanks so much!
I should’ve mentioned that I know he’s single. At least he was when we first started talking. I’m not 100% now, since it’s been a month or so since we first started DMing. He could be entertaining someone else now since we’re not in close proximity. I already presented myself as a friend to him, and he agreed. My issue is that I don’t want him to simply see me as a friend, and not more. That’s what I meant by not wanting another friend. I’m getting to know him slowly but it’s difficult to gauge attraction online, especially with him being a few states away. Again, I’m probably competing with other women having the opportunity to meet with him in person. I’ve never been in this position before, so it’s difficult to navigate. Not to mention, I’m out of practice with flirting. I’m getting better, though!
However, I do have to admit that we haven’t talked much about dating in general. I didn’t want to jump in right away and ask those types of questions, being that this is not a “dating scenario” as you call it. That’s why I told him I’d like to be a friend, so he would be more susceptible to us getting to know each other. Maybe it’s time for me to ask those questions now? Also, the video that I watched of him was about him sharing his perspective of various dating topics, so that’s another reason I haven’t asked certain questions. I already know some of those answers, which robbed me of being able to ask them. He knows I watched the video, as I was upfront with him about how I found him.
Your marketing approach makes so much sense! Last week, I realized I have to do more about staying on his radar. I used the Hero approach and asked for his help about giving some tips to some high school youth of an organization I’m an alumnus of. He has agreed to do it for me! But who can say no to kids who need help? I just worry that I’m doing too many “friend-like” things and not presenting myself romantically. I guess I’m unsure of just how to do that online. I will definitely be more consistent from now on, as I know I haven’t been. That’s definitely key.
