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Hi heidi! I’m sorry for the very late response, I went on a bit of a road trip and wasn’t by my computer for a bit. I’ve been trying to get over him, but I’m still confused as to what happened in his mind, and I don’t want that to happen with the next guy, so I’ll still respond.
He’s moderately involved, I’d say. He went to church every Sunday, attended sort of youth group meetings with other young adults in the church. But he didn’t follow a lot of the more strict rules. For example, Mormons are supposed to avoid alcohol and coffee, both of which he does enjoy drinking. He’s also supposed to not swear, but he does that quite a bit too. Then there’s also the issue of premarital sex. We had a conversation about that at one point, where he said he felt guilty and uncomfortable because we’d had sex and we weren’t married, and we agreed to not have sex anymore. However, later that very same day, we went on a date and he initiated sex. I was the one who stopped because of his religion. I’m wondering if he was struggling with a clash between his religion and his personal morals, since he only converted recently (like, a couple years ago recently.)
A mutual friend of ours also told me that he’s been going through tough times recently, and I had no idea. He never really told me he’d been going through a hard time, and whenever I asked him if anything was wrong when he seemed upset, he always just told me he was tired from work. So I’m also wondering if that made it hard for the idea of a serious relationship to click for him. I know when I’m going through a hard time, romance is often the last thing on my mind, and it stresses me out when I want a relationship but can’t focus on one because of everything else going on.
Hi Heidi! Thank you so much for your reply!
Yes, for the record, I am 20 and he is 21.
I will say that I might’ve used the wrong wording when I said specifically deeply attached. I had become attached to him, because I’d had a thing for him for forever and everyone we both know agrees that he’s a super sweet guy. I do have a tendency to develop strong feelings quite quickly, but I try my best to make it not very noticeable unless it’s obvious that they feel the same or we’ve felt that way for each other for awhile. My two longest relationships, both of which lasted around 2 years, were ones where we both got attached and fell for each other within the span of a month or two. And neither one of those ended or went wrong because of how quickly we fell.
Moving on to details of our interactions. We never said “I love you” or even “I like you,” but he did text me an emoji that’s sign language for ily a couple times (he’s fluent in ASL.) We were both pretty responsive when we could be. What with work and sleep and being busy, we couldn’t text constantly, but we did when we could. After we started seeing each other romantically, we’d often kiss or cuddle. He was quite physically affectionate and I am, too, so it worked out nicely. When we’d watch tv together we’d cuddle on the couch, when he took me out driving on his motorcycle he’d sometimes reach back and touch my knee or my hand gently before holding back onto the handles. And I was quite responsive to those little sweet gestures, and reciprocated in kind.
We didn’t do everything together. We planned dates, and every once in awhile I’d text him and ask him to come hang out after he got done with work. He has Wednesdays and Tuesdays off from work, so he’d come over on those days sometimes and we’d hang out for a couple of hours. I also would drop by and say hi to him at work whenever I was there running errands (he works at our local grocery store as a front door greeter, so it wasn’t hard to see him and say hi when I went there to pick up food.)
I will say though, that I was usually the one making plans and asking him to hang out more than him. He’d invite me to hang out every once in awhile, but it was usually me. He always was down to come by and everything, but more often than not I’d initiate. His best friend told me that he’s not usually the type to take the initiative when it comes to spending time together, though he loves spending quality time with people he cares about, so I kinda took it upon myself to do that. I was also told that he’s much more comfortable around me than his past girlfriends, and what really confuses me is that his best friend told me that he’d talked about wanting to make our relationship official at one point. Really a lot of mixed signals and confusion going on there.
I hope that helps, and thank you so much for the input about relationships not having to be complicated! That really opened my eyes, and I feel like that will help change my view on relationships in the future. If you have any more questions, lmk, I’ll be glad to answer.
