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Dear Spyce.
Yes I do have trust issue and I told him so from the beginning. I guess it comes from being betrayed by my then husband and it went on from there. I never felt that I was good enough or pretty enough. During my youth I lack self confidence and it made shy away from a lot of things. I still am not sure how I got married in the first place.
I am trying to get over these issues but sometimes there raise their ugly head. It is not easy for me to trust but I am trying. I don’t have the most attractive body after 3 children, hard work and neglect but it didn’t matter to him the first time he saw me naked. I was not ashamed to be naked with him. His affection for me also help me to feel empowered as a woman, but she is younger and looks good. He said it didn’t work out because she was too miserable whatever than means. He is so cool and calm in his way, he avoids noise and arguments. It is not easy to stay mad at him but what he did say was that he was a free spirited person. I told him that I wouldn’t want to change him because I love him just as he is. In some ways I am free spirited and like my freedom to a certain extent but I feel that we can make things work if I can get pass these issues. I am so afraid that he may get fed up with me and I would lose him.
I guess the issues with the relationship are not his but mine then. How do I move forward from here. He is the only man who has ever made me feel so special when he is around. I want him to know how much I appreciate him but the hero thing doesn’t see to be working.I don’t want my fears and doubts to become a problem between us. At present we can’t do anything together because of lockdown in my country, but while I am at home most of the time; he gets around. Before he was known as a womanizer. I have known him for a long time because we lived close by and while I always liked him, I would never had thought that we would end up together and he mentioned that he always had feelings for me too back then.
He is attractive and friendly and very helpful with the neighbors, he is the neighborhood’s go to guy to get things fixed.
I do want to trust him, how do I deal with this before it gets out of hand. I believe that he loves me because as you say he keeps coming back but what if it is only for sex. He makes sure that he takes care of my needs before he allow his to be met. He is not a selfish lover.
I know he is bother because he can’t but things for me.
This is the first relationship I have been in over 15 years and its like learning to walk all over again. I never expect to be involved with anyone because I had given up on love and that’s why when he was first telling me of his feelings for me and wanting to take me out I didn’t take him seriously. I was the one who initiated the first time we made love. I got tired of us petting on the couch when we were alone and
with him going home like that, even though he never made a fuss. He stopped when I asked him to. So on this night I held his hand and took him into my bedroom and we made love, I think he was surprised. I don’t usually step out of my box, I like my comfort zone but I did for im and we have been doing since then.
Unfortunately, my bed is too small and he doesn’t stay very long after that, plus he breaks curfew to come over and has to sneak back home before he gets arrested.
When I think of the danger he puts himself in to be with me sometimes, it makes me appreciate him more. I don’t want him to pull away but I feel that I am pushing him away. He tells me stop stressing over things. I text him my worries and fears, he reads but he doesn’t respond. I wish he would text me back so I would know what is going on in his mind. I don’t know what to do. There is someone else who cares about me, I care about him too but I am so in love with this one. My other friend can probably provide me with material things and so on but he is not my neighbor. I guess I could be contented if I had to choose him but I would always wonder about my being with my neighbor.
this is a lot and I am confused.Dear Heidi,
He came to see me two days afterward and we talked a bit. He said that in my text I sent him to hell where he is now. He said he didn’t have sex with her and that she didn’t go near his bedroom that she stayed in the living room and that he was not alone that his niece’s daughter was also there. He said she didn’t stay very long and if I didn’t see when she left that he was not hiding or sneaking anyone in. I told him that I was so angry that I didn’t look anymore because at that point I didn’t care. I mentioned to him that he never invited me into his bedroom but he reminded me he did a couple of times and I refused. I was not involved with him yet even though I had developed feelings for him because I was scared of being too involved with him at the time. I hadn’t been in a relationship for a very long time because I kept choosing the wrong men who ended up hurting me. That was a dark period in my life and I felt unworthy of being love and I guess that was the type of men I attracted then. Since then I have gone through some emotionally issues and a lot of healing. I feel so much better about myself worth now. In the latter part of my healing and emotional dealing, he was there as my friend, he was my shoulder to lean on and he helped me repair my house and stuff like that. He helped me so much even though he didn’t expect any kind of payment emotionally or otherwise. He was just there. He started coming over to keep my company at night, we watch tv together.
I don’t remember at what point he kissed me but I liked it and I kissed him back and after that we would hug and kiss as we watch movies but he never went further because I didn’t want to. I know many nights he went home probably horny but he never complain. I asked him why he had helped me and that was when he said he loved me. Eventually we made love and I think that things change after that.
At this stage I don’t feel comfortable talking to him the way I used to because I am more vulnerable and I am maybe afraid of him hurting me
I think that now I have more invested in him and I am scared of being vulnerable with him. I know I miss a lot of opportunities to have deep conversation with him because he is not much of a talker. I know that is where my doubts and concerns come from and I don’t have the confidence to open up and talk with him as I should.
The night he came over, it was after his birthday and he was telling me what he did and it felt nice, He told me he wasn’t cheating on me and that I need to stop stressing myself out. I told him that I didn’t want to lose him because I really loved and he said he love me too.
Needless to say we made love that night, he said that he wasn’t going anywhere. I still don’t feel that confident about us, I don’t know if I believe him. When he knows I am angry with him or if I am mad enough to block him, he waits till he thinks I have cool down and he appears.
I want to believe he loves me but sometimes his actions don’t match what he says, like he stay away for a while before he comes to visit me although we love so close.
He is not working right now and I know it bothers him because he is self employed and we are on shut down because of Covid. I could call him but I don’t, I am afraid to reach out and I don’t know why. I text him but he does not respond unless I have to tell him off for something he did or didn’t do. He is very reserved.I really love him but I don’t know how to hold on to him or to bring him back to me.
Please HELP because I don’t know what to do I am afraid that I may lose him to her if I don’t do something to keep him interested in me but I don’t know what to do. I am reading “His obsession but I don’t think it will work for me. Why am I so scared?Dear Heidi,
I am so glad to hear from you, it mean so much to me. I wish he had been honest too. I asked him how it was that he didn’t have someone in his life and he said that they had broken up, but he never said they had gotten back together, when he was seeing me. I sent him a long text today for his birthday telling him that knowing she was with him explained what I suspected and why his attitude and behavior changed towards me and why he was pulling away from me since she came back into his life. That at least I won’t have to deal with lies or deceit anymore and I was glad that I saw for myself since it was out in the open. Because it was his birthday I told him that I had this sexual fantasy of what I would had done to please him and the postcard I had sent was only to tease him etc., but I guess that it would never happen since he was now her man and not mine anymore. I told him that she probably fulfilled his fantasy already anyhow. I told him about the song’ unanswered prayers’ and that he was my ‘unanswered prayer.’ That I hope he had a happy birthday . I told him thanks for the short time that he was my man or the man in my life (which ever).
I also told him that since he made his choice and it was not me and since he was no longer the man in my life that maybe who knows I could give someone else a chance since he was also single too. That would mean I would not be alone or lonely anymore, that even though I missed him (silly nah) when he was cheating on me all the time. That they should be happy, but GOD is good and at least he won’t betray or abandon me. That I really love him but again that was also in vain and then I said good bye.
He read the text.
I do feel better after I had gotten that out of my system. It still hurts like crazy and I know it will for a while but right or wrong, I did something that made me feel better even if it was for a short time.
It is what do I do from here now. There is someone else and I know he cares for me but I don’t want to be with him for the wrong reason.sorry about the grammatical errors think I am being too emotion now and not focusing. I saw him earlier but before he saw me I came back into the house and the wind slam in the door so he probably thinks that I slammed the door for purpose.
He became distant about 2 months ago. No I don’t remember anything in particular. He actually told me he love me first and that he wanted to be the man in my life. He doesn’t talk much. Yes I used to see him very often, then he became friendly with other people in the neighbor hood where he would go to play cards on evenings, he would still come over sometimes. I am thinking that maybe that is when he probably reconnected with his ex. IAs we are neighbors, I saw his talking to a woman and I asked him about her one night before we had sex. I asked him if he was involved with her or if he was having sex with her and he insisted that he wasn’t that they were just friends and that she wanted him to walk somewhere with her. After that I saw her again a couple of times,still he said that there was nothing there and that he loved me. I am sorry that I didn’t confront them together. to me it seems as if he was dodging me. I told him that before he used to buy things for me and that he doesn’t, he said it was because he wasn’t working and he isn’t but neither am I. I saw when she visited him yesterday after a while and he let her into the house and close the door and they were in there for a long time. His birthday is tomorrow and I had bought him a card. He lives with his niece and she left before the niece came home. I was so hurt I went and talked to the niece and she was the one who told me she had left. While I was talking he came out and didn’t say anything, I came back home and got the birthday card and gave it to him. He said it wasn’t his birthday then but I told him that I may not see him on that day and walked away. I had a miss call from him this morning but I did not call back, and that’s the way we are right now, I don’t want to see him or give him reason to come over, I just want the whole thing to go away. When I look through my window I can see his front and side door so I can see who go in or come out. At this minute, I hate the sight of him and if I allow him over, I know I will give in to him because I really love him so I prefer to block him. Don’t know if it is the right thing but that is how I feel right now.
I don’t have money to purchase all these books on what to do or how to recapture his heart, I don’t even know if I want to recapture his heart anymore. I feel so frustrated and deeply hurt, maybe I’m just a coward.
I also think that he may be cheating on me and I don’t know what to do as I still love him but my heart feels so broken right now. Maybe he was always cheating on me from the beginning and lying to me and now I am hook on him, it really hurts and I don’t know that I want to do this anymore right now. I am reading to give up on being with him, I don’t know if it is worth trying to go on with him.
Hi It’s me again, the thing is that I didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place because I have been in unhappy relationships before and got hurt and had decided not to get involve but he ease his way into my life and now he is drifting away, because he hardly calls and because of Covid, we are not really allowed to go anyway right now. I miss him a lot and it is has if he has control of the relationship and using it against me. He was a good friend before but now he is always busy and has no time for me and it leaves me feeling lonely. I don’t even know what he is thinking about and how he really feels. I don’t want to lose him but..I have just joined this forum
Recently I got involved with my neighbor, I have been fixing my house for a while now and he would come over almost everyday or when he wasn’t working and he came over almost every day to help me in any way he could. He knew I couldn’t pay him but he did it anyway. He helped me built cupboards and stuff like that. I bought the material and he did the work, we became good friends as we worked together. I guess this was his hero moment. He would come over some nights to watch television with me and we enjoyed each other company. Months later, I asked him why he had helped me and why he had helped me and he said that he had feelings for me, that he was falling in love with me and since we were both single , he said he wanted to be the man in my life. It took a while before I agreed and maybe because of loneliness mostly on my part, we got sexually involved maybe too soon. That was about 6 months ago, now he is pulling away and it breaks my heart because he was the first man I was willing to be involved with for more than 15 years. Even though we live close I hardly see him anymore. I aske him if he doesn’t love me anymore and he said he did but he is free-spirited. what does that mean and what do I do now. I really love him. We are both mature, or at least, I think I am. I am in my early 60’s and so is he. Should I give him up or will this program help me to win him back. We don’t talk like we used to anymore, I used to be able to tell him everything now I hesitate to be vulnerable with him now. Please help.
