[Ipsita N]

Hello Spyce
I understand what you are saying. But how do I know I m his person or not? he is talking to her to support her in crisis as being a human being, a well-wisher and they didn’t break up yet. but he is equally spending time with me, taking care of me even in this rough stage of his life, going for walk with me, having breakfast, dinner with me, planning the near future of doing things when things will get better and trying to make me happy, and also diverting his mind by talking here and there things. We are happy being with each other.
How do you want me to judge this? How do I know whats my priority?
Ipsita

[Ipsita N]

Hello Heidi,
Thanks for your questions. But I am unable to do much now. He is going through mental stress now, as his father is ill and his so-called LDR GF’s father too. He supports her mentally and emotionally by talking over the phone and its being mutual. I don’t have any other choice rather than being supportive as I can’t take any harsh steps at this time. he says he is lucky to have me and I m trying to be there fr him. But I am unable to make him open up and say what he is feeling or going through. I can only feel he is not ok. I don’t know how to connect with him now, where he’ll open up to me or should I give him space and let him continue doing what he is right now? I don’t know by doing this am I being close to him emotionally or going far away more as he is getting his support meet somewhere else?

[Ipsita N]

Thank you for the information Heidi. I would love to get some of your help. I also want to know why he is holding on to the long-distance relationship and not going for the present in real relationship? and he knows we make a really good couple and happy being together but afraid to accept it. I will tell u an incident, when I present him as my BF in our conversation he doesn’t have any problem but he never have said me as his GF. I don’t know what is stopping him from doing so?

[Ipsita N]

I want to know about his future plans. How does he see to get settled in life? how does he see the committed relationship to be? why he is not willing to commit? What are his fears if he commits? How can I add to his life to be meaningful?

[Ipsita N]

I am really positive with the idea. It would have been really great to get some ideas about the type of questions which can be asked in this situation which will not pressure but will show the importance of a real life relationship than the virtual ones. I am having lack of resources where I can study a bit before asking him. I don’t know direct questions will be ok or not?

[Ipsita N]

Thank you for your advice. It was really helped a lot. Let me see how much I can make him talk to me.
XOXO
Ipsita

[Ipsita N]

It’s really nice to talk to you feels like I m talking my someone who knows me inside out. I see your point. I also want to school him but not finding a way to do it. If you have any suggestions or any mini-course u want me to read for the examples will be great for me. I am not able to find proper questions and a way to address them with him. We already have a well-defined lifestyle like having breakfast together, going to the workplace, walking every day in the evening, having evening snacks, and at night dinner together with watching series. Even though we don’t have a so-called named GF-BF relationship, we do most of our kinds of stuff as a couple. I want to feed this in his mind that how much ever he deny the reality is we are behaving like a couple. And I am lacking to do that as I am also a bit introverted in speaking and don’t find words or sentences to say these aloud. I am planning to take him swimming too to make him occupy in his real life, not in a virtual world. I will give him an ultimatum after working on this to build an emotional connection with him. I really want you to advise me on how to build this emotional connection. This will be my last effort for this relationship.

[Ipsita N]

Hello Spyce,
I am really amazed to have u understand me so well only by my writing. I am overwhelmed with your advice and I agree with every word you say.
I also want to make him miss me and pursue me. It’s not like he is not doing it at all. He is the one to msg me first when I don’t msg him for a long time. He is willing to fulfill whatever I say like eating out. Buying things out of nowhere especially eatables that I like to make me happy. But I also sometimes feel like him rushing things or being away just to talk with the other person (which he is doing). But it is being hard for me to distinguish that he is doing it just out of the habit of 5 years like as a duty or he wants to do it, is the reality or it’s just my feelings. Do you think am I really overthinking and not living in the moment?
I am not able to tell him properly to stop talking with her as I feel then he will hide and talk which is not healthy as being partners as I want him to be free to share everything with me. As the other person is virtual he is trying to hide as much as he can what happening in his life with me. I really feel he is there physically but with an emotional void. Things would have been different and he also knows that very well. But not ready to take a drastic step. If I ask why he doesn’t have any answer to it. I seriously don’t know how to portray this with my action but not by my words and condition him to see and accept the truth and reality.
I seriously don’t want to change the existing model as I know you can not force anybody to change unless he wants, but I want to build a new model which will obsolete the current one. Can you please suggest to me something on this like how to do it, it will be of great help? And also some questions which I can ask him to connect with him better and pursue him to tell her the truth of our relationship.
I would also like your little help or advice on how can I make him miss me?
XOXO
Ipsita

[Ipsita N]

Hello Spyce,
Thank you so much for your response. I am grateful for your piece of advice.
I know there are many elements in it and it’s being hard for me to let go as he has intertwined his daily routines with mine. Let me give you one more piece of information. Before this relationship, he had a relationship for 3 years or so where things started to get mundane and fights started and both of them drifted because of ego. That relationship was also distant. The current relationship he is in is of 5 years that too long-distance one but from past one year he is fighting hard to keep it which he is not sure about the future. Because of these two incidents, he feels he is incompatible with committing to anyone when it arrives 3-4 yrs.
our journey started only six months back, and it’s the first time he is into someone who is there physically present in front of him. Recently we did had a very bad fight with him regarding this which I think we are having every month for the past six months of his incapability of solving this issue, so that what made him too stubborn, and ultimately he is like we are not on the same page emotionally. After the fight, he himself reconciled again and said he will hold this relationship. I asked him about that you said we are not on the same page emotionally, so he said it could be a phase and asked me to let not ruin our things. he said he will try to solve this. He is trying every possible way to make me happy and also telling me that he wants to connect with me by talking and for that he has decided to go for a walk every day and open up himself to me slowly.
I feel like he is going through the process of emotional connection with me. And unless he is not sure about me he doesn’t wanna take any drastic step. I will take the ultimatum step but before that, I want to show him how beautiful an in-person relationship can be. I somehow feel like I am not able to trigger the instinct in him which he finds worthy enough to fight for, which is making me more pissed off. The changes at present I can do is to listen to him and analyze what he is trying to say. But if you have any better plans please let me know. I don’t want to sit ideal and wait for the magic to happen. I am a person who loves to put magic by herself in her life. I badly want this man to move in a healthy direction.

XOXO
Ipsita

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