[Meriem B]

Hi Heidi,

Sorry for the late reply. I needed time to figure some things out about this situation.

I hear what you’re saying that it got to start from whitin, and i agree. But everytime i thought i made a différence i face a brutal reality, that gets me thinking i’m never going to make it, never succed in love … and it just hurts too much.

You want him to view you as irreplaceable, then you have to KNOW that inside of yourself. The fact is I know my worth but i think i have trouble showing it the right way, somehow it doesn’t “click” with guys to realise what they have.

Talking about confidence, security about my body. well i don’t know about that other girl. But i can assure you that i’m perfectly confident about my body and pretty confortable when having sex or flirting, never felt ahsamed or wanted to hide. don’t wanna sound pretentious, I’m no super model, not perfect, i have flaws and i acknowledge them, But my looks are well above average, i have a sexy body shape that attracts pretty much every guy and gets me complments from men and women alike. i’m a smart kind woman (what all people i know say about me, including him) my situation is good (work, health and stuff, have a graduate degree). i’m damn sure i’m not the random average girl you meet everyday.

And somehow i feel like these things are what stopping me from having a relationship. I even have a guy friend (he had a crush on me for a periode of time) who once told me : “when we first get to know you, we get a feeling you’re too good to be true, she maybe playing an act”. (other people who know me very good told me things in the same wave, men and women).

With my current boyfriend, i don’t know what to do anymore… i feel like i’m too late to try and make him see me, make him choose me… nothing works. feel like i have to give up but it breaks my heart just the thought of being without him.

Mery

[Meriem B]

Hello Heidi,

thank you for your insight.

I understand your point, i really do. But he’s not aware that I khnow the truth so i’m not setting a standard (or lack of) that it’s okay to cheat and lie…

I know, i should walk away, love myself enough to accept being without him. But it’s sad to say i lived enough disappointments and i know a lot of stories (friends and family) who lived a phase like that. And because i like everything about him (but that) i’m willing to give it a try.

I am pretty much an open book, honest person (too honest sometimes) but i just can’t come clean about the phone thing yet. I feel like it’s gonna be the end of me, of us, and i’m not ready to lose him …not yet at least.

SO, what i would love to know (and do), is how to make him appreciate me more, love me more ? be irreplacable ? so even if i come clean he would be more likely to choose me, us ? It sounds crazy i know. But given the fact he’s more romantic with her i really fear he would just give up on me, just the thought of it is killing me.

Thanks.
Mery

[Meriem B]

Hi Heidi,
Thank you for the response.

I’m going to make clear some things first. We are boyfriend and girlfriend to each other, nothing really offical because we haven’t met eaany friends or family. i think she’s his girl too. they met when we were on that forced break (when i went away for more than a month) and things escalated very quickly between them i guess.
the confusing thing, on one hand, is that he is more romantic with her (at least by texts, sending her kisses, telling her he’s thinking about her and he’s looking forward to meet her… even when i am with him having a blast or half naked in his bed) and she met an old friend of his. on the other hand, i know he talked about me with his mother(don’t know what he told her exactly), i heard him mention my name several times while on the phone with her, plus i have constant contact with his son which i think the other girl hasn’t.

yes, i saw the proof on his phone but didn’t tell him. i’m not supposed to have his PIN CODE. So i just brought up the subject as if it was doubts and reason : “like when you go away with friends or family is no excuse not to text or give some news it doesn’t take much time unless you were with another woman and forgot about me or couldn’t because she would get suspicous, plus i don’t buy that you haven’t met this person, coz any normal woman would have stopped communicating after few weeks or even couple months without meeting at least once, and would not keep this level of romance with a guy”.
To that he replied, he understands what i’m saying and my reasoning but i have to rest assured that its not true and that it means nothing to him.
So basically, he’s not aware that i know the truth.

I don’t think he perceive it as cheating because we wern’t a couple when they met. the thing is he’s not ready to choose i guess. after being on a long term relationship that just ended a little more than a year ago with a 2yers old son, i knew he wouldn’t be ready to commit easily. but now i guss he’s just in someway taking advantage of what 2 women have to offer. I hignly doubt he has done that before, if so he would’ve been carefull and i would’ve never found out. and hes’s a family man, a provider, a helper, a shoulder to cry on for his loved ones. i know he’s lying now and that taints everything but i have faith in him. oddly, when i’m with him, i feel really happy, sereine and even safe (sometimes) considering the situation.

What do i want? I want him to COMMIT TO ME and ONLY ME, to be a real exclusive couple. I am NOT okay with him seeing another person, it is painfull it hurts to the core, makes me wonder why don’t i deserve a commited man? but i’m willing to live with that for now, and to forgive.

I statred this course (His secret Obssession) because of the promise to make any man devoted and commited, i know there’s no guarantees and it’s a long shot especially when my man’s focus is not only on me. but i do strongly believe it’s possible and i owe it to myself to try.

Mery

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