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I really didn’t know if I should just send another text further explaining myself but that would likely come off wrong? At the same time I don’t want him reading it and not understanding thinking “oh there she is not getting the hint again”. Whatever he was drunk and probably regret texting me anyways. Reality is I didn’t need to be thrown in such circles.
Hey, I’m having a lot of stress and I have reflected on the questions both of you have been giving me to ask myself. I just wanted perhaps some advice on how to handle this situation:
We recently had a text situation and I’ll just skip to the main part of the conversation. He randomly texted me at 1:39 AM saying-
Him:…. And I’m trying to be responsible here lol… i still very much wouldn’t mind f***ing you lol… but we are too far apart for anything…idk…”romantic”… and as much as you say you don’t want to make it a relationship… you keep on acting like you do…..so that’s why I had to stop it”
So I responded,
Me: I actually understand that. I really did come across that I wanted a relationship when I reread everything I didn’t mean to. I was too clingy and it came off wrong. If I was able to try it all over again I would have done it differently.
I guess whenever you wanted it , you got it. And then whenever I wanted it, I didn’t. So I persisted and the outcome just wasn’t at all what I wanted to happen.^ He actually completely ignored what I sent for the first time. So I didn’t know if what I typed maybe he or others would take the wrong way? I was basically trying to verbalize that I had the same desires as him but only when he was up for it was when it could occur. And that I never wanted it to end up where we couldn’t even text anymore.
Yes he was “responsible” if you want to call a 34y/o guy who sings the mickey mouse song “responsible.In all honesty I was so involved in investigating the real reason behind all this for some reason it mattered to me knowing if I was the reason. Last night he texted me saying he was down for meeting up but had to cut it off because I made it seem like a relationship. That is what I wanted to hear. Because I knew this whole time it was on my part even though I didn’t even want a relationship. So I’m way more at peace now. I don’t know what I want with him. I don’t know how to interact with him now. And with all this mental damage it’s a doubting question if it was really worth it. I knew I wasn’t crazy and he was making the whole thing up about chemistry but I had to prove it to myself maybe.. Why are men like this?
I feel like I’m being slightly attacked lol. I really wanted your inputs on perhaps why he is doing it. You said it was to make work easy, but that really can’t be the reason because it was easy when we didn’t interact. Yeah I would be a bit bothered if he didn’t talk to me but that’s what I want. I don’t know if me denying him attention is doing something and that’s what I was attempting to ask. Not that it matters. I know my issue is likely caring too much? For example if I had any type of feelings for someone I would probably do more for them than they would for me. Sorry if I’m driving you guys nuts. I figured I’d ask as much as I can.
Honestly Brian doesn’t know about that part of my life with my boyfriend.. I just want him to leave me alone. I was over him and I walk in yesterday and he said good morning, I just ignored him. It felt really good. Then I go back and he wouldn’t stop trying to involve me into conversations. He would even walk over and talk to me. I was literally perfectly fine. I was laughing with others. I really don’t understand his mental mind set. And yes I know I’m the problem. I guess in all, there’s nothing much more to say. I know I did a 180 from wanting him to be my friend then to nothing at all. It’s because I got over it and if he is trying to be my friend I’m just going to like him again so I don’t know what to do.
I do understand. I do have some reasons to resent Brian because I could probably fall on the floor and pass out and he’d shrug lol. That’s what makes me mad that he has the nerve to be friendly to make work easier for him. But it should already be easy, I’m not communicating with him so why is he trying to begin with? And yes I have medicine, honestly it used to be so much worst. I had a few therapist. Just can’t find anyone to really open up to in a physical presence and I don’t have time. And thank you guys again. I still like asking a lot of questions because I love hearing your guys responses. You guys are awesome!
The thing is work WAS easy. I just ignored him. I was happy and laughing and not making eye contact. For him to even attempt to be nice to be after everything is just… stunning. Makes me so mad. He’s said so many rude things and honestly I could have ripped him a new ass and roast him to high heaven. Just hope it doesn’t take him another “five years or more” to get someone to willing have sex with him lol. But I didn’t. The thing is, he always got what he wanted. I don’t want to be his friend, he makes himself look like the good guy and I think he thinks he is?! I despise him and obviously I can’t look at him bc he’s cute it’s a nightmare now. I realized that I have other people at work I can laugh with. It sucks but I’m not sure if it was you or someone else, but they said It’s best to not talk and be friends until I can get over it and realize he just doesn’t freaking like me. It was just so weird because he truly did at one point I know. Just.. this obsession comes right back when he tries to make any contact with me.
Also that guy Brian told me he texted me back out of pity? So I had a week off of work and when I came back today I was asking a guy a question and he starts answering for him trying talking to me? Then he was laughing at my jokes I wasn’t even directing to him.. and he got the doors for me? Wtf is with this guy?!? My mind is so lost
…woah. You like nailed it.. But I’m about to admit something that I previously lied about out of shame. That “friend” I was talking about is actually my boyfriend of four years (and currently) Let me explain!.. I lied previously about this to you guys because everyone in the world views the act of “cheating” in a different light. 99% say it’s absolutely horrid.. But just hear me out.. Not to sound crazy or even making excuses but I have bipolar and one of the most prominent side effects was craving that interaction with new men. It was such a slutty thing. In my head I still do justify it to some extent because I would have no problem with my boyfriend having pleasant sex with someone considering he gets emotional because physically between me and him sex cannot work. I am not in the mood and it’s actually crazy! My down there just shuts off !! No products will work and when he would try it would be so incredibly painful.. But I didn’t have that problem with .. other guys. I told him he could repeatedly just to not let me know if he does Now, I haven’t gone around town I only had maybe 4 affairs.. And yes each one was an obsession but not in a “love” way at all. It was the self confidence you just nailed… He’s my family. I tried taking multiple breaks and each time it never worked out because we are family and text each other everyday. He helps me with that anxiety and self-confidence. Isn’t that terrible of me? But I would rather live with this guilt everyday and cry than to hurt him and ever tell him the losers I was with for fun. I. am. a. loser. But he looks at me in a different light that I truly don’t deserve. And I’m not at all blaming my mom but she talks to me and says it’s normal I’m young. But not to hurt him because he is one hell of a man. Ohh my heads a battlefield when it comes to this. Now it might be a bit more clear as to why I genuinely need help. I think maybe I need you guys to drill it in my head. You guys helped me solve the reason why I feel the need to understand and be liked. Now I need your kind help on this disaster. Total and utter disaster. I also did not grow up with a prominent father figure, sorry about your situation as well. He was addicted to opioids after the hospital overdosed him with them. Also growing up was so embarrassing because prior to that my parents have a 20 year age gap. So, that right there is why Brians age (34 older man) just did not affect me. I don’t have daddy issues or anything my mother is my best friend and has taught me much obviously she still was a parent. I just want to have a good sex life? And I want him to have one too! And he says he despises the thought and idea of that. Just thank you guys. Theres no way I can mend this. I feel the pattern is going to continue.. You guys are great though and helping
I also wanted to mention about the older guy, I did tell him I wanted to be friends with benefits awhile ago.. I forget his response but it was a complicated no. I just wish he was still attracted to me….you know?
Hi! Thank you for your kind words. My scar is thinking that when a guy says it’s over, it’s not really over and they’ll come back around. I need advice on that and I would so much appreciate your view :)……..but uh.. yeah, I see where my problem is and it relies within myself and the confidence I have. I know these guys aren’t great at all! Not potential advocates in my life. I have absolutely terrible OCD, and for example, even when he left me in the hospital I was still obsessed with him. Now I gag at the thought of him.. So talking to you guys is really good therapy for me and I’m thankful for people like you who help. Another problem is- I tell myself “Okay, I like their looks, and their personality. But I don’t want to be with them forever” and then when I have fun with that guy that whole obsession kicks in where I want to keep them in my life?! Its a total pain in the ass!!
Thank you guys for helping me. I sorta have an embarrassing story. I was once with a guy who was very manipulative and made an entire world before my eyes that didn’t exist, I knew he wasn’t going anywhere with life but physical chemistry was there so I stayed a bit. It got to the point where he just left me at a hospital annoyed. Said I was a “mistake” and all these harsh things just to like me again…? Is.. that normal for men?? Can men just genuinely have enough of someone and then get feelings all over again? I think that’s perhaps a large scar I hold and it alters the way I think about men
What you’re saying is true I know. But I’m just truly not the type of person who says “It’s over” especially because we shared so much together. I have a bad bad habit if being there for people. So when you say “accept its over” I still feel attached even if it’s not in a way I want to be with him , its a way where I still wanted to be friends.. I never really accept “it’s over” maybe its because previous experiences it seems they always come back? Or I reintroduce myself idk
But yet again even though he texted me out of “pity” why did he continue the convo? Kinda gives me a bit of hope. He could have just not opened them at all but maybe he was selfish and didn’t want to feel like a dick… Still.. he didn’t have to continue the convo. Plus now he sees I get the hint and leave him alone so maybe he will see that
I don’t know if I should even be friends with him even after awhile. It was rude and misleading. Even if he was originally a nice guy and maybe I possibly did push it? (Which I’m not sure how because I totally stopped texting him every day, and for a long while now I would maybe send a text every two to three days) I’m just saying this to elaborate on the fact I wasn’t stalking the guy lol. I don’t know if maybe if I see him at work just say sorry I didn’t respect the friendship? I just really enjoyed talking to him and it reminded me of the old times. Yeah he is doing the right thing cutting it off I just think there were better ways to go about it by being more straight forward which isn’t hard to do really. He easily could have simply said “I don’t like you that way” and I would have been completely okay lol… I guess maybe I should completely ignore him for a week and then say sorry I didn’t respect the boundaries or would that make it awkward like I still like him? Its all so weird.
