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It only bothers me because I wish he could do it sober more. He has opened up sober in the past but he gets anxiety and overthinks so I think thats why its hard for him. I don’t care if he drinks and I cant. He handles his better than I do. The problem is I’ve opened up with him about it in the past and he tried but again im not trying to blame myself he has his faults too but I was the main problem. My last relationship was abusive and there were certian triggers that made me pull back. We use to be very affectionate and I know we can get back to that. I’ve been healing and working so hard to fix my bad coping habbits. We talked on the phone as he was on his way home the other day and I had a chance to share with him some things we talked about above and it was a really good conversation. I invited him to my family birthday dinner tomorrow and he said he would try to make it but im not sure if he just said it to make me happy. The last week has been a struggle for me. My anxiety is getting so high. I keep feeling like any day now he’s going to pack up and leave. I know its just my anxiety talking because he would never do that but being in this limbo with him for so long is seriously killing me. I don’t want to push him away or seem desperate and I know I have to be patient because I’ve hurt him but do you have any recommendations on something I can do to speed this up a bit so that my anxiety can take a breather? Is there anything I can just say to him to let him know where I’m at and get him thinking again without him feeling like he has to engage? Like maybe a good memory or something like that?
We haven’t talked about our relationship at all since the break. Just small talk and other things going on in our life. I didnt want to push him so I’ve been waiting for him even though he’s not much of one to share his feelings. He gets really uncomfortable unless he’s had a couple drinks which is another reason our relationship has had issues. I’ve thought alot about the problems we’ve had and things we could of done differently. Hes uncomfortable with being affectionate but thats something I need. We never really worked on our issues because we always had our own stuff going on but now that im doing therapy and learning about all these wonderful things I want to give our relationship a real shot. I know the first step was me to stop turning to drinks when I was struggling and now im working hard on it. Our break and him not taking me back right aways has really made me focus on myself. Its been 3 months and I really just want to start fixing things but I don’t want to push him or make him think im desperate or scare him away. I know I have to handle this situation delicately and thats why I reached out. I want to keep listening to the book but its hard to apply to my situation
We decided to take a break because I got drunk and broke up with him and accused him of cheated because I had felt him pulling away and we were not having sex hardly at all and I got paranoid. After I broke up with him I went to a friend’s house and then came back after a couple days and realized thats not what I wanted. I wrote him a letter 4 days later telling him I wanted to fix things and he told me he wanted me to go to therapy. We had a really healthy productive conversation. We agreed to not see other people. He told me he loved me and cared for me and that we are on a break. We actually hung out and watched a movie together a couple weekends ago. I feel like things are good between us but he’s scared and I understand. Im going to rip the bandaid off and start sprinkling things in like you guys told me to do.
That is such a great idea thank you so much. Im struggling on how I can show him tho. I’ve already quit drinking and have been going to therapy, reading books, listening to podcasts, im making a vision board. I truly am working hard on myself. We don’t talk a whole lot and when we do its just small talk. Are there any examples you can give me that I can do to show him im changing? And also am I just suppose to keep focusing on myself and let him come to me? He’s not one to share his feelings at all and i feel like if I let him be the one to instigate it, it will never happen. How long is long enough for a break? We never put a time on it and I feel like the longer I let it go on the more he’s going to pull away.
