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And to add on, day before yesterday (Monday) my ex called me to ask how was I since after Friday where I cried to him he didn’t check on me so he just wanted to ask if I was feeling better now. I said yes much better just had a lot bottled up inside and asked how was his school application coming along. He chit chatted on the phone a while then I said okay take care and hung up.
Then yesterday he messaged me about some Netflix show but after a few responses back & forth now I haven get a reply from him and I left it as it is. I do not want to intrude into his “me time”.
Hi Coach Spyce,
Thank you so much for checking up on me. After the last update, my ex came called me and came to my workplace last week Thursday, picked me up in his car and brought me out for dinner and beer. He asked how am I doing so I said I’m getting better but why this sudden concern because he wasn’t there when I need him the most in January. He said he felt like he didn’t do enough and felt responsible to check on me.
I did not bring this up but he himself did and said we really can’t get back together as he feels that all bridges are burned because of me involving so many people. Said my parents and friends probably hate him for what happened so how is he supposed to look at them and fake a smile. But he also said he still tells his friends that I am his best friend, I broke down a bit because I recalled how alone I felt and badly needed him but he wasn’t there. He hugged me saying you’re so strong and you’ve improved so much. Brought me to the beach to see the stars for awhile then he drove me home.
Near my house he said he feels sleepy so he parked the car, asked me to massage his hair & fell asleep then after 10min I woke him up, he gave me a nice long hug and went home, then called me to tell he has reached home safely. The next day due to some very emotional conversation I had with my mother I had a very bad emotional breakdown, ended up calling my ex in tears so he rushed to my house, brought me to a park nearby to hug & console me. Then at one point he showed me his wallet where he had a small note I wrote for him saying “I love you & I would do anything to be with you” 3 years back & a passport photo of mine. I hugged me crying. He again said we are not getting back together.
I asked if he would ever get married, he said he doesn’t know what he is going to do with his life so he doesn’t want to think or marriage now. And jokingly said you want me to finish my degree then look for a girlfriend at age 32 is it. He said he still feels emotionally numb, still doesn’t feel anything for anyone, not even for himself. Said he doesn’t feel a thing for his mother or even his 8 months old baby nephew, just too numb & going on with life. He still has not applied for school and just 2 days back he finally unblocked me on Instagram as well then said he is going to take a break from all social media and deactivated all his accounts.
Yesterday he messaged me on WhatsApp talking about some Netflix show and some random stuff about his work. I purposely replied hours after but he responded immediately. Again I replied hours after but now he has not replied me back yet.
So now with all this going on I am not sure if he truly loves me and sees a future with me but is scared to take that step because he has things to settle in his life like school and career while I am still healing and getting help for my mental health.
I will always love him and my heart races just hearing his name randomly in a crowd. I am hoping things go well for us.
Hello Spyce,
Thank you so much for your advise & insight. I was wondering if this could be a possible scenario in my case as when my ex randomly met me on Saturday and Sunday
he asked how was my Hynotherapy session. Saturday I told him my therapy was on Sunday morning, then on Sunday even when he randomly called me to meet & brought me to an impromptu bowling, I told him I found myself again & that I know I’m gonna be okay.So I am wondering if he asked all that to see if I’m getting better so that he can move on & move away from me with the peace of mind knowing that I’m gonna be okay and that he didn’t break me/ruin my life. Like have lesser guilt or something. Is there a possibility for this or he actually has deep rooted feelings for me but because he does not have a proper career or has not completed his degree yet that he feels inadequate to express his true thoughts and feelings to me?
More Updates:
Today my ex called me again stating he was outside my house and brought me bowling, was a very impromptu thing but yeah that’s what he did. We played really had fun like old times and even played some foosball. He then asked me about my hypnotherapy session how it was going.
Told him it’s good, I found my little self again. That young 10yrs old me who was innocent, kind, loving, trauma-free & full of hope so yeah I’m good and I will be okay. He drove me home, gave me a tight hug saying I will be okay. I asked him to take care, said bye and left.
So yeah now I’m not sure if he is trying to rekindle things, trying to find feelings for me again or if he is just trying to be nice.
Hi Coach Spyce,
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my queries. I wanted to give little bit more background and updates on what has happened in the past few days.
So as I mentioned My ex & myself have been in a relationship for 2 years but friends for 10 years now, we have been through a lot of ups & downs and I am the only person he has ever opened up to a 100%, he knows me a 100% as well and we always supported each other in everything and we were faithful to each other when we were together in a relationship.
And as mentioned above about how the breakup happened, He said he is emotionally numb as he has too many things on his plate and the “fire” has died down. He was unsure if he could love me again or if he would find someone else. There was a lot of push & pull during the first month of breakup & we found out we were expecting. He said he does not love me & to take it as though he was never coming back.
I was very hurt & angry, was not able to think clearly & I felt lost. My friends were asking me to try move on & said I shouldn’t say I cannot without even trying. So when a guy friend of mine texted me & was flirting with me I reciprocate but I had no intentions to take it further or even meet him in person, I just liked that attention for those 3 days then I stopped texting. I did NOT cross the line, we did NOT sex-text.
So when I met my My ex boyfriend to have dinner & hopefully discuss about the baby, he saw the flirtatious texts and became very upset & angry that I did this to him. He said he wanted to do some soul searching, complete his degree and find a job so that we can be happy, saying he knew he could never find anyone who loved him as much as I did and kept me very high up on a pedestal saying I would never ever hurt him.
So all of the above happened in October & November last year then the rest is exactly as per what I mentioned where I had an abortion done & finally opened up instead of suffering in silence & reached out to friends & family for support. The funny thing is he ended having sexual text messages from a colleague of his on New Years this January to which he reciprocated & I found out. He apologized but said hey we broke up so I can do whatever I want.
Recently he blocked me off everywhere EXCEPT Facebook for a day but then he immediately unblocked me the next EXCEPT on Instagram. He called me but I didn’t answer. I ignored him & didn’t bother to call or text back.
He called me again the next day & I answered then he said he wanted to talk. Asked if he could do anything to make me feel better & I told him to just do nothing & to stop hurting me. I told him this is my journey to heal, to finally stop getting hurt or bothered by what he does or who he is out with. I am going to not care so that I can heal. He then asked if I’m done with him, why do I sound so hateful. Told him I’m not hateful just very tired & frustrated. Told him he is not my enemy or nemesis, I will always wish the best for him & I hope he finds his path in life. We ended the call on a good note.
Yesterday, he texted me saying one of my favorite shows was on Disney+ to which I replied 4hrs later saying I stopped watching it, no longer interesting and he tried to continue the conversation by immediately replying with what new shows he is watching to which I did NOT reply. Later that night he called me, I answered & he said yeah & I said yeah back he was like you called right I said no you called me I just came out of the shower & you called to which he was like oooo haha perfect timing (trying to be cheeky), I asked if everything was okay he said yes I said alright then bye & he was like so fast say bye & I said yeah since nothing else to say bye & I hung up.
Today he called me again in the evening saying he was outside my house in his car but I was outside few streets away so he came to pick me up, went for a short drive saying he wanted to show me the Full Moon he just saw & we talked normally like friends for an hour by the river & then I said okay I wanna get home. When we got back into the car he said “you know your friends all said you didn’t cheat on me but you know we weren’t really in tha kind of a relationship. Yes we had a label saying we broke up but we were still hanging out & met for dinner & you were pregnant with our child. So you texting that guy hurt me. You did NOT cheat on me but that action really hurt me”.
To which I said he has all the rights to feel hurt but I genuinely felt remorse for my actions & apologized multiple times on multiple occasions already. Told him I never met, called or texted that guy ever again even though I could without my ex’s knowledge, but I did NOT because I know it will hurt my ex that is how much regard I have for his feelings. To which he said hey now this is your life you do whatever you want (indicating I can meet anyone I want).
However my ex did not do that for me. He still hangs out with that colleague who sent him those sexual texts & he even shared our pregnancy story with her. Though I’m very upset about this I told him I am not going to fuss over it. I want to put everything behind & heal.
I apologized to him one last time for hurting him with my actions by flirting with my guy friend. I never wanted to hurt someone I love like that ever but I did and I am sorry, I do not want to blame my actions in my mental health or circumstances & cheapen myself so I take full responsibility and I am sorry.
He looked a little teary said okay, so to lighten the mood I changed to our favorite song and sang together with him, then he dropped me home & went off.
Now knowing the entire story, I really want to know if we have a fighting chance of getting back together after I have fully healed mentally & physically, and after he has matured up (hopefully he does). Despite everything that has happened, I am still able to forgive him and love him. I don’t hold any grudges or bitterness for the hurt I’ve been put through. I still love him dearly and wish we could look past all this to have a more loving healthy & lasting relationship that eventually leads to marriage. Would love to hear from you both now that you have more details & insight.
He met his 2 best friends last night, not sure what they discussed but today my Ex blocked me off everywhere except Facebook. His friends blocked me off WhatsApp.
Hi Heidi G,
Thank you for your encouraging words and insight on my situation. I met him again yesterday for his family event and this is what he told me:
We are never getting back together the chances are not even 0 it’s a negative figure because I told everything to his friends, my friends his sister & my parents in an attempt trying to change his mind and see my point of view that I ended up ruining the ultimate goal of being with him & whatever chances we had completely gone now. He asked how can we be together when all respect is lost with all these people.
For me I see this as time heals the mess & all these people involved will eventually forget the mess due to their own life activities hence why give so much regard to that. I still love him unconditionally and wish for us to work things out from a better place but I’m not sure if that is possible since he keeps saying no we are not getting back together and asked me to stop going for his family events.
Yet with all this said, he did try to hug me and was singing songs in the car when he was dropping me home like old times but asked me not to get emotionally attached to all this.
I am not sure if we still do have an honest shot at this.
