[Samantha S]

Thank you so much for your response, Heidi. I read it with tears pouring down my cheeks as I feel you’re absolutely right about his beliefs and mindset – and from what I know of his past I suspect it’s something he sadly learned.

You’re also right that I have been aligning with his ways to keep him in my life, but that, ultimately, as much as I want to be with him I also need to feel that I have something real, that I am loved (his actions tell me he loves me but I am not sure he is IN love with me, and I want that), as well as feel that I have the security of a real relationship. What we have now isn’t enough for me. I know that I do have a tendency to love at my own expense. And I have already started this year by doing a lot of work – and undertaking courses – to improve my confidence, ability to love myself and have boundaries, as well as to make myself the best version of me mentally, physically and in terms of my mindset.

My hope is, that when the world is more normal, if I do have to walk away I will be fully in a place to find healthy love. I so wish he’d fight for me if we got to that point, but I am not confident he would, as I think his patterns are deeply ingrained. And if, somehow, I don’t have to walk away I have still ensured that I am in a place to help create something amazing with this man (in past relationships I know I have been guilty of anxious attachment.

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