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Hi Heidi,
He came to saying “I love you” and using the old pet names on his own! I never brought it up. I’m glad I didn’t and let him come to on his own terms and timeline.
I spoke to him last night about the photos. I took your advice and told him I noticed he started doing it when we split and has continued doing it. I reiterated I was not upset or angry and that I just wanted to learn why and/or what had changed. He did seem a little caught off guard and he said there wasn’t a reason he was doing it. He admitted he started doing it more when we split and had just continued doing it. He then said “I guess I should probably stop.” I told him that was not what I was asking for or looking to accomplish with the conversation. I told him there had to be a reason he didn’t do it before and now was and I invited him to consider thinking about the “why” behind it and let me know if he came to any conclusions. I made it very clear I was not angry and was not looking for him to stop. I did tell him if he was disconnected from his actions and how that might effect me then that was the only thing that made me concerned. So I’m not sure I got any answers on the matter, but I’m glad I brought it up. I hope he thinks about it more and gets back to me. I kinda doubt he will. He seemed like there wasn’t a reason behind it at all as he said it several times, but of course there is a reason why we do the things we do. Maybe he is just not in touch with himself in that way. He said that it was not reality and I was all he wanted.
Hi Heidi,
Yes, he has he loves me daily and is back to using pet names. We are better than ever. He even said he still wants to work towards living together.
I would say he did it a tiny bit before but nothing like he is now. It started when we split. We have definitely opened up more sexually as a couple. More than we ever had before. So possibly a part of him could just feel more comfortable with his sexuality.
It bothers me more when he likes photos of women we know or are acquaintances vs women he will never meet. I guess it feels like he is putting it out there that he is “interested”. Most of the women we don’t know are nothing like me in body type, so that hurts my confidence a bit. Makes me feel like I am not enough or attractive sexually enough. I think he should know better because it is disrespectful to like sexual photos of people we know. He does know better because he never did it before. I remember a time long ago when he got upset in the past when I posted something about a male celebrity being attractive, which was a joke. He said it was disrespectful to put it out in the world like that. I’m sure he would be hurt if I was doing what he is now that and the roles were reverse
Hi Heidi,
Thought I would send an update. Things are continuing to go so well!! We have had numerous discussions about our relationship and things are 100% back on track. We are better than ever!!
I do have one thing that is bothering me I would like to share. I’ve never been a jealous type until the split we had. Which I think is normal. My confidence took a slight hit. One thing I noticed him do during the split was follow a lot more women on social media and like there pictures. He did it a little before, but it was friends and never anything too risky or sexual in nature. I have noticed he is still liking sexual, semi nudity, more racey photos. Which he did not do before. It does bother me a little. Not that he is viewing it, but more liking it. My feeling are that liking photos in this way makes it more public for everyone to see. It seems like more of a statement. I am trying to figure out if I should bring it up or just not worry about it. I trust him 100%, but it is a little hurtful he is doing this. This was not his normal behavior before. It may be totally mindless on his part. I think if he knew it bothered me he would stop. Then part of me feels like he should know better and I shouldn’t have to say anything. We are almost 40 and this seems like something we would be discussing in our 20’s not 40’s! I feel a little disrespected. Thoughts on this matter and if I should address it?
Hi Heidi,
I love the idea you suggested about how to approach the discussion. I will work on that in the next few weeks and report back!
I have actually already surprised him with lunch another time last month and he responded well to it! So I have a feeling he won’t think it’s that out of character.
Hi Heidi,
One more thing I forgot to ask. Our 3 year anniversary is this week. I was planning on dropping lunch off to him and semi surprise him. Nothing too over the top. I still think there is reason to celebrate (even with a 6 week split) Would you advise otherwise?
Hi Heidi,
Appreciate all the comments and feedback. I’ve been doing better at focusing on the “now”. Things are still going so well! He has dropped a few pet names in there over the past fee weeks, which makes me feel great. We still have not had a serious conversation about the break or us, but I’m not dwelling on it. We have briefly talked about how well things are going and we are both having such a good time. He invited me on his family vacation this summer and has made many references to stuff we will do in the future. I do miss him saying he loves me and sometimes get tripped up on that. I sometimes wonder why he’s not saying it. I assume that will come with more time.? His birthday is coming up and we have a fun weekend planned in a few weeks, so I am looking forward to that. Is it wrong if I say I love him? I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or pressured in any way, so I haven’t really been dropping that in.
Before our break we were making plans to live together. We planned on him preparing his house to sell and we would buy something new together. He has been working on his house, buying new things for it, and talking a lot about how happy he is it’s coming together. It seems like he is settling in his home more. I can’t help but feel like he is no where near wanting to live together or sell his home. Not really sure how this makes me feel. We had such a plan to do this-this year. I’m feeling uneasy I guess and a little sad.
Hi Heidi,
I think that part of me is feeling scared to get hurt. It is worth the risk for sure. I so badly want things to go back the way they use to be. He was so in love with me and would do absolutely anything for me and our relationship. We were planning our lives together and planning on selling his home and getting our own together. I am so use to that side of him and “us”. So I think I am a little insecure he is not 100% back in. That and him not calling me pet names, giving me compliments like he use to, and saying he loves me daily. Those things make me insecure and make me feel like he is not ready. I just get in my head about this all from time to time.
Hi Heidi,
Just wanted to touch base before we leave on our out of town tip to Nashville. We are staying at his parents one night since it is on the way. Which was his idea! Per our last conversation the plan was to not force a conversation on what our label is currently, but I am wondering how he is feeling. We have been hanging out for a month now. Since we are staying at his parents and that seems like a big step, do you think it is a good time to bring up how he is feeling? Should note i have obviously met his parents and stayed there in the past prior to our split. I don’t want to pressure him at all, but I am also curious what his parents think is going on with us. I was a little shocked he suggested it. I’m happy to wait a little longer if that is the best course of action.
Hi Heidi,
I’m not sure where we are going just yet, will depend on the weather. Maybe on a hiking trip if weather permits or to Nashville, TN.
Is it normal that he is not saying he loves me everyday and calling me pet names like babe and baby. That is something he use to do every day. He has always been so in love with me and affectionate. He is still physically affectionate though. Just want to make sure this is normal after a 1-2 month break. Thanks for all the encouragement in my situation. This has been a great outlet for me during this process.
Hi Heidi,
I guess there really is no rush! I am very much enjoying our time together. I think there is a very small part inside of me that is insecure due to what happened. Small things like him not calling me “babe” all the time and not saying he loves me all the time make me a little insecure. I know that’s silly since we just started things back up. I know he still loves me. We spent about 6-8 weeks apart overall. So I’m sure he is easing back into things. I don’t think I have to have a definition right now. Our 3 year anniversary is the end of this month and I will admit it’s on my mind. I am hoping we are able to celebrate that!
We did just make plans to take a small out of town trip together next weekend. Which is very exciting!
Hi Heidi,
Just thought I would update you on how things have been going. We have been talking every day for almost a month. Have been hanging out together the past 2 weeks. Things seems to be going very well. He has made comments like i seem like I’m in a better place. He can see how much I’ve been working on myself. We have not had a discussion or talk about “us” or our status. I am trying to give it time and just see where this takes us. I do hope after a few more weeks he will initiate a conversation about our relationship and where this is going. It feels like we are almost back together. I really don’t want to be the one to push for a conversation. I really feel like it should come from him. Trying to be patient. Any thoughts on the matter or advice?
Hi Heidi,
Your advice all sounds like a great plan. Two things on my mind I didn’t ask. Should I let him reach out to me about getting together? He said when I am over covid and have a negative test result we should get together. My plan was to let him know when I was negative and feeling better and then let him take the lead and asking for a date to meet. Secondly is it a good idea to have boundaries set in place for intimacy? We have a strong attraction. That one week we spent together after we parted we were very intimate. I don’t want to be a doormat and want to show I have self respect, strong, and confident. I don’t want to play games but I also don’t want him to think he can just have me whenever he wants. Guys like a little bit of a chase, right? I very much want to be intimate with him, since that was an area that was lacking this past year-but don’t want to do anything to jeopardize getting back together. Thoughts?
Yes, but I’m mot confident he actually wants to discuss it in person. He said we should hang out, but didn’t say we should talk about things in person. I don’t think he wanted to talk about it on the phone and I’m not confident he knows how he feels yet. I don’t have issues with asking him that in person. I just don’t want to push him for a response if he’s not ready. Any other thoughts on everything I just shared???
Another update. We just talked on the phones a little bit. I told him I loved him and missed him and he said he loved me too and misses me. I told him I understood why he parted ways and I wanted to thank him for making me face some of my issues. Told him how much I am doing and growing and That I really needed to change the relationship I had with my illness and I’m making great progress. I asked how he was feeling about things and he said he didn’t want to talk about it over the phone. He seemed like he still didn’t know which is so confusing to me when he says he loves me and misses me. I’m trying to not let it hurt my feelings, but it’s hard. I guess maybe I should ask him at some point what he needs from me. I don’t know if I pursue or back off. Or perhaps I just keep going with the flow of things.?
Hi,
I was continuing to give him space until last Sunday. I was diagnosed with coivd and without even thinking twice I called him. Told him he was the first person I wanted to call. We talked for awhile, laughed, got caught up on each others lives. It ended with him saying we should get together when I test negative. He has been checking in on my daily and we have been talking more. I told him I missed him and he said he misses me too. Told him i enjoyed talking more this week and he said he did too. I did ask him if he was feeling more like himself with this space. He said he is, that was one of the reasons he needed space. Not sure where he is at with me and getting back together. Have not asked him that. I would think if he wanted me back he would let me know, but maybe he is still undecided. Or wants to see how it feels when we meet in person. We have been flirting a little bit. I am a little worried the same thing might happen that happened that one week we spent together early on. It was like we were back together and he didn’t feel that way and just thought we were feeling things out. I am trying to take it slow, but it is hard when you love someone so much and don’t want to spend another day apart. Any thoughts or advice? I feel like my positivity and light hearted self got his attention on the phone when we talked. I have been giving compliments when I can. He has asked me if there is anything he can do to help. So I figured this is a good chance to put the hero instinct into play. I think today he is going to bring me a few things I need from the store.
