[Rebecca H]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for getting back in touch.

I think you’re right. I think possibly in previous relationships is where I have felt ditched before as I felt I gave them my all and then this cycle of after about 3 year, 3 1/2 years they want to go on a break and then we never come back from that so it becomes a break up. I think this one was exceptionally hard as I really thought I had found the person I was going to marry. We has discussed it and everything so for this break (even though he said after that it wasn’t about me) I just couldn’t understand it as I wouldn’t do that to him. I would want him by my side while I did what I had to do, but not everyone is like me I guess. I went to school a year before my age group, so I was in the year above until I joined my peers at the age of 10. I remember the first days of being taken to school and just crying and grabbing onto my mum’s leg. When my uncle who lived in America used to come to visit, I would cry really badly as a youngster (I grew out of it). I feel like this is probably where this kind of behaviour began and probably still follows me of just not fully grasping that just because someone leaves it doesn’t mean they wont be back. Even one of the places I used to work at, I saw over 60 people come and go in the 3 years I was there and it just became a thing of not getting too close by the end as there was an expectation that they were going to leave, in comparison to the beginning when I would build friendships with them.

I’ve been working with a therapist weekly, doing manifestations, focusing on building my business, trying to understand more about feminine energy, reading books on relationships and just trying to understand where this trigger came from and recognising certain behaviours in my day to day life in order to see where I can make changes and acknowledge why I do certain things. It still hard sometimes, but I’m trying. I definitely feel more relaxed but I know I’m still a little shaky lol.

Yes I’m trying to keep things super light, and no focus on any kind of heavy stuff. He does stop responding mid way through and that bothers me I guess, but I’m just learning to breathe through it! Now that I’ve come to learn more about the male psychology, it’s good to know that it’s not only me that goes through these scenarios, but I definitely needed to learn as I didn’t want to keep repeating the same patterns.

Thanks,
Rebecca

[Rebecca H]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for getting back to me. I feel like so much time has passed that what he may have wanted in the beginning isnt how he feels now, even the flirting. I think he did quite possibly want to be more of a provider, but I just couldnt get over the fact that he had gone on this break from out of nowhere and I felt therefore that he had left me. The idea of him going on a break and then coming back around without returning as my boyfriend is when I became emotional because I felt ditched. As he never quite said he’s back, I just assumed he was giving mixed messages and was leading me on as he never said he wanted to be in a relationship upon his return. He would say things like trust the process. As he wasnt clear it triggered anxiety and then I guess I became needy. I have since been working on myself for the past month and take at least a couple of hours a day to work on myself and re-figuring out the things I like to do and speaking to more friends who I had shut out during the relationship, I’ve been trying to find myself more.

I think the fact that we have had a few periods of not speaking, I think at first he was bothered but the more space we add, the more he thinks for sure this is over.

So you think I shouldnt add any appreciation to my messages and just focus on space? For how long please.

Thanks Rebecca 🙂

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