[Annie Y]

I think if he did mention the future again, I will set my boundaries and let him know he cannot mislead me. We haven’t talked since he last came over; a part of me is very scared he’s moved on already. I’m hoping we aren’t talking because if we continued to do so, it’d be setting us back again from our career goals. We still watch each other’s stories on Instagram.
I’ll be moving to NorCal for a better career opportunity; and he and I both agreed from when we were just in the talking stage that California is where we want to end up raising our family. I have not gotten a transfer date yet since COVID is still pretty bad over there.

I’m just very lost on how to move on. I can’t seem to let go, no matter how many friends I surround myself with. Even guys who talk to me, I’m not ready for anything more than just casual talk.

[Annie Y]

Hi Kanya,

He’s reached out a couple of times, but this last time we met up (2 days ago), he would meet me with a wall built up around his feelings and remained “strong” until i told him to put his guard down, and when he did that, that’s why we started having fun convos and just started joking and having fun with each other as if we were still together. But it’s like he would “snap back into reality” and force himself to stand his ground about us staying broken up, and moving on. He wants us to focus on ourselves and our goals. This last time showed me what he really meant.

We both have plans to move out of the PNW and settle down south in the same state (our home state). He is unhappy with his career and have been searching for jobs here and there when we first met and after I had told him my plans to move out of state. He briefly mentioned to me that he was looking for jobs in the state that I told him I wanted to be in because he wanted to “get us there” so we can start our new chapter together. But he put too much pressure on himself and started feeling helpless and suffocated when no jobs popped up that matched what he desired. He never expressed to me about this until we broke up. He told me when we met up that he applied for a few jobs on the east coast and while we were together, he got rejection letter and was very upset. (I felt like that was fate in some ways). I had told him my next career move would bring me to NorCal because I am also very unhappy with my current position (I am in the process of transferring to a location that is still part of my company). And he told me in person that he had applied to a couple jobs that would bring him to NorCal as well. He kept saying that if we both went there, that it would be meant to be and that we would be living together and enjoying the life we had originally planned on living. I have told myself (and my friends agree) that he felt we were hindering each other’s career paths in the sense that we would take each other into consideration and prevented us from going for the job that we really wanted. He never would have applied to jobs on the east coast if we were still together, and i wouldn’t have made the career move to transfer to NorCal if he was still my boyfriend. He’s told me he still wants me in his life, but at the same time, he brought me everything from his place that reminded me of him so he can move on, and not stay in the same “circle” (comfort zone) that we have been on.

He will one minute say we need to move on and focus on our goals and ourselves, but the next minute, he will talk about us living together once we get to NorCal. So I’m very conflicted eternally. I know my friends might just be trying to make me feel better, but she told me that maybe this breakup was just a minor setback that might save our relationship later. And I wonder if he really broke up with me because he wanted me to take that job in NorCal and not let him hold me back; i think a part of him knew I kept factoring him in. He says he believes in fate and if we are meant to be, we will be together again. And he’s also mentioned during our relationship that he knows how hard it would be if we both ended up being accepted to jobs in different locations, and one of us ended up making a sacrifice. He doesn’t want the other person to end up hating the other. He knows this NorCal position would be a once in a life opportunity for me to further my career.

I am 31 and he is 33. I know what i want in a partner because I got married very young to my college sweetheart. My ex husband and i never grew together. We grew apart; I stopped seeing a future with him. But this current ex is everything I want in a partner. He took care of my dog without my asking, he would always make me breakfast and reminded me to eat during the day. He always texted back whenever he could and he always treated me like a queen. But I believe he wants to figure out his next career move since he has been at his current one for 8 years now and that position has plateaued because of company changes. We both agreed that my current place and his current place are just transition places for us.

He is OCD in the sense that he likes to have everything put back to their original place after we use it. He likes the bed made; dirty clothes in the hamper, clothes folded neatly. I have adapted to his lifestyle and honestly, I don’t know why i never did it sooner!

[Author]

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