[Julianne L]

Hi again!

I figured since my whole relationship story is here, I’d ask my questions pertaining to it here instead of typing the whole story up again in a new thread.

A few weeks ago I was beginning to feel “stuck” in my relationship. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but I knew I really liked him, I just didn’t feel like I could go any deeper emotionally. Once I thought on it, I’ve come to realize it’s because he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend yet or talked about any kind of commitment or future together. He also doesn’t express his feelings to me. So I think that’s the reason I feel like I don’t have the freedom to explore our relationship deeper and I feel stuck.

I just told him last night I’m moving across the country in a week (it happened fast for me, I didn’t keep this to myself, I told him a few days after I found out), and before I even knew I was moving he expressed to me that he hates the state we live in and would like to live somewhere sunnier and he also currently doesn’t like his job. I am moving to a state he’s mentioned possibly moving to.

He also told me he feels like he can’t fully be himself around me and was also feeling “stuck” in our relationship and that’s why he hasn’t expressed his feelings towards me. That and he said he’s bad at communicating. He told me he hates where he lives and dislikes his job.

He said he really likes me and wants to continue seeing where things go and that he isn’t seeing anyone else. Which is basically what he told me in January.

I told him long distance is a huge decision and if we decide to do long distance both of us have to 100% want to try give us our all. We would have to commit to flying to see each other and become really good at communicating.

He didn’t seem to want to take a step up or down in our relationship. Or say one way or another what he wanted. Like he didn’t want to break up but he didn’t want to say “Yes, I want to give us my all.”

I said I think we both need space to think things over and left his house that night.

He texted me once last night after I got home and once this morning. Neither of them I’ve replied to.

His text this morning said “When/if you make a decision on something, will you let me know right away?”

I feel like he’s leaving everything up to me and doesn’t want to make a decision himself.

I don’t know what to say or do, but I’d like him to show me he wants this. I am moving in 3 days.

Is there anything I can say/do to stir up the right emotions in him to make a decision? Is there a right/wrong way to go about this? I’d like to use what I’ve learned here to my advantage but I’m not sure what to do!

Thanks,

Jules

[Julianne L]

Hi,

I wasn’t sure if I should just keep adding to this post here or start a new one but I figured this one already had all of the previous information! If I should start a new post, please let me know 🙂

January 4th he texted me a few times that day and I hadn’t responded because it was my birthday and I was busy. When I got home that evening and checked my phone I saw that he had just texted me “I was going to say earlier if you responded that if you’re bored and wanted to talk, you could call me.” We ended up talking for two hours that evening and he remembered my birthday and wished me a happy birthday. He told me how he was feeling so much better and himself again on his new medication. I ended up telling him that I was just taking things day by day with us and seeing where it goes. He agreed that he was doing the same.

Fast forward to January 12th when he offered to pick me up for the airport because I didn’t have a ride home. He took me out to dinner and then we went to his house after. Things got heated quickly and I said, “I think we should have a conversation before things go further.” He said, “I thought we already had this conversation?” I think I asked him when, and he said, “On your birthday, when we both said we would just see where things go.” I paused for a long while because I didn’t know how to say what I was thinking. He then says something along the lines of, “I am not seeing anyone else, I just want to see where things go, I just don’t like labels.” I asked, “See where things go as in friends or more than friends?” He said more than friends. I said something like, “Okay that’s what I needed to know. I’m happy.”

I am okay with not calling this a “relationship” or calling him my boyfriend yet as I agree, we just need to take things slow and see how we both feel. To me the “relationship” title doesn’t mean much in the beginning anyways besides exclusively seeing only one another.

So it’s been about a week since we’ve been back together and no matter where this goes, I want to explore it fully and see if we have the potential to be more. Eventually I want to find a partner to live life to the fullest with, whether he’s the one or not. So I’d like to explore that deeper.

There is SO much information here on beirresistible.com that I am not sure where to start and what I should focus on at this point in our (not) “relationship” relationship. Is there certain questions or techniques I should be doing or anything in particular I should be reading on be irresistible?

Thanks,

Jules

[Julianne L]

Hi Kanya,

Thank you for your response! That all makes a lot of sense and I do want to be realistic about everything. I agree, I need to hear those words before assuming them. I will keep that in the forefront of my mind! I am on board with being his friend and supporting him without expectations and I’ve just been taking it day by day!

Thanks again! This really helped ☺️

[Julianne L]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you so much for your response ☺️ I guess it wasn’t anything specific. I’ve never had love at first sight and I wouldn’t say this was but I just had a gut feeling. When you know you know? Idk I always thought that was silly until I felt it. We just mesh so well, same interests and likes, yet still enough differences. We always laugh and enjoy each other’s company no matter what we’re doing. Same morals, values, similar life goals, etc. No red flags, or anything that would turn me off, nothing I disliked about him. I felt everything was aligning and he seemed very interested until he suddenly wasn’t. But I agree, 3 months isn’t enough time to know someone fully and maybe I am giving him to much credit?

He has always been honest with me, no matter what, which is something I value so much in a partner being cheated on in the past. Is there anything specific I can do to continue to be supportive during this time? I don’t want to wait but I don’t want to completely close off that door. How long should I keep that door open?

He is on medication and shortly after we broke up he went back into his doctor and got a medication change. I know from experience it can take time for a med change to kick in and sometimes the first medication doesn’t work and more changes have to be made. I know it could take an unknown amount of time for him to feel himself again.

I agree I don’t want to distract him from focusing on whatever he needs to do to feel like himself again.

He has been flirting with me over text and I am wondering if that means anything to a guy or if it’s meaningless fun?

Thank you again! I appreciate your help!

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