[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for backing me up on my emotions. the past few days has been a rollercoaster from sudden sense of relief of peace to heartbroken to not feeling anything and sudden burst of excitement about everything else… but its defintely getting a grip and mostly clarifies with the disappointment. But one thing I’m sure of, is that i don’t want to have to go through this phase again, at least not for him.. If i have to, at the least, it would be for another relationship.

Im glad i took this step as it has open my mind up to possiblites that were limited by my fears of discovering truth which i may not like. You are ON POINT with the living on the other side of fear than in it. The new year i don’t want to scratch surfaces anymore. Its efforts that align or nothing. I wrote what i want to let go off and will burn it this evening when i go out for a jog. Now working on my 2021 list.

Thank you.

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thank you for the encouragement. 🙂 Its a beautiful poem, i like this part especially- ” the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds”.. and i look forward to my clouds clearing up too.

Thank you!

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for sharing with me to help me clarify my thoughts further.. yes everything make sense and i resonate on the part on the path I’m taking. With this incident i realized with this first step of courage taken to call out on another person’s action helps me clarify any confusion that held on for so long. It was a lesson of stepping up to facing my fears of being not good enough. Getting no reaction is also a reaction as it has answered the question on whether he was trying to show his interest with his signals or he was just sending mixed signal. But with the reaction i got, it was obvious it was closer to the latter although it may be due to his own issues he may be dealing with.. But like you said, why he was doing that is not important anymore as i got the reaction that is enough to allow me to make a sound decision to move on..
There is nothing to work on together if the other party didn’t choose me..I would like to take this reaction with me on things that cause any doubt in the future as it has shown, better to know sooner than later. I could have done this at an earlier stage of the mixed signals and had set the boundaries earlier then maybe i wouldn’t have to let go of him like that due to my prolonged disappointment which i have allow myself to build up to the extend that i can’t look at him as a friend for now.

I am avoiding social media for this 2 days just so i can have some time to roll in and out of my moods and take it as it comes.

Thanks for the support here!

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for the reply. Its comforting to wake up to this reply and it gave me reassurance on my feelings. Thank you for acknowledging how i felt. The layers you mentioned- i have felt it several time in between my connection with him, the only difference this time is i got my clarity re-enforced and the disappointment had hit a relief spot and i would be able to release those layers in the best way i can as it comes..Alot of work to do within myself.. But yes.

The non-negotiable list definitely make sense and will work on it while i sit out the emotional rides.

Thanks Heidi!

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Actually he texted me today to wish me a merry xmas, thank me for the friendship and he told me with my presence it makes life so much better and wish me an happy holidays. I texted back and told him that- thanks for keeping up w this friendship..It has been a few months, truth is i still cared about him more than a friend and i am still managing my feeling for him which eventually it will be. And texted the reason i have not been able to reach out to him is bcoz I’m still managing them. And know that i will always wish him the best in everything for the new year ahead too. I cried after sending the text coz it feels like i was ending the friendship there and there although without the exact words of lets not connect anymore. But it was done with that intention.. His reply took a while but it gave me a clarity of his intention for me – he could only say My moon and a sad emoji.
And yes i felt more empowered to know i am ready to start my healing without bouncing back and forth and if need i should have enough courage to text him to stop connection for now should he still text me. I know and felt that he treasured and care about our friendship t some extend but i guess, it doesn’t serve me any emotional wellness for now. Whats your thoughts on this? I’m ready for 2021 with my boards?

Yeah i should put the cats or a cat n a dog in the board too and no i don’t want children as I’m 42 this year. The funny thing is the guys that have been pursuing me previously are pretty well off and generous and quite gentlemanly but this particular one is rather frugal as he had to fund his family when his dad left but its the humor, sensitivity and the chemistry that attracts me. Income wise i can contribute and am self-sustainable so whatever the guy has to offer or willing to provide is a bonus to me. Hence i am looking more for deeper connections than a provider.

Going to get down to the board again.

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for the encouragement!

My relationship vision board includes pictures of young couple trekking together, a couple with the guy looking enduringly at the girl while sheltering her from the rain, an old couple spending time together drinking coffee… a space of a home with decors that looks like how i would decorate it.A picture of me and my close girlfriends laughing happily. Different typos that says joy, love, loyalty, creative, humor, support, honesty, communications.

Happy holidays!

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Yep working on my vision board. 🙂 Thank you!

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for the encouragement.I hesitated as it would have come across as abrupt as usually our conversation are light hearted but it could also be i am still holding onto my feelings for him a little longer- which i know i shouldn’t..
This is the first time i am in such a situation with a guy, its usually either i am in progression into a relationship or its just not suitable and we stop contact. For this guy we have been going out as friends for 8 months before we actually got closer hence the part where we seemed like we were in progress and he told me he is attracted to me but he afraid to lose my friendship as at times after he progress with a girl into a relationship, he told me he feels sad that he has to lose them as a friend. Come to think about it, we know each other for a good 1 year and 3 months now..

Not sure if i will end up not replying him at all or telling him my boundaries… it seems I’m still holding on but my mind is telling me to leave everything about him in 2020 and not bring him forward w me into the new year..
Ultimate goal is to be happy and meet new people who will vibe the same effort. Steps i am taking- is trying to be very present and focusing on my work and hobby so that whenever my thoughts drift to him, i can snap myself out of it.

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

He texted to say hi yesterday afternoon but bcoz my hp app didn’t send an alert so i replied only this morning to ask what’s up and he mentioned that he was at my hood working so thought of meeting for lunch if i am avail. just so to check up on me to see i have been well. And so with my late reply today, he asked if i want to go for a walk today instead. He didn’t use any phrase that indicates mixed signal this time so i didn’t give him any boundary phrase. We made some small talks over text, he asked if i’m moody coz i sounded moody maybe bcoz i stop calling him the nicks we call each other during this texting and i prob didn’t sound too enthusiastic in the morning and i brushed it off as its the morning thing and I told him i had X’mas gather later so i can’t meet today and we ended the convo as that.
I was thinking why did i reply him and concluded that because it’s the only thread that is holding him to me and some part of me still hold him close to my heart and i am taking baby steps to letting go.. But, yes i have decided I can’t partake in his patterns anymore as it doesn’t serve my mental health. My intention for 2021 is maintaining good mental health.

He has been someone who held space mentally for me 2 times when my family was in chaos; i appreciate his existence for that. So far he has been the one reaching out and the day will come when we stop contact and i like to remember him for the good things and he was someone i wanted to open my heart to but the feeling is not mutual. Thats what i have been reminding myself.

Taking baby steps but the following is what i envision my next partner to be:
1) Someone who wants to give me his and wants my affections, trust, respect, loyalty and growth
2) Is clear about and makes clarity on his intentions for me and us
3) Someone who i can share fun, laughs and also trying times with
4) Communicates, willing to discuss & compromise on hard stuff/emotions
5) Someone who has drive to provide for himself and us; appreciates my contributions
6) Embrace me for who i am at the different aspect of my life
7) Want to show me and share with me the things that excites him and also take an interest in mine

I will work towards 2021 with the above intentions. 🙂 thoughts?

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for the suggestions! I got my top 10 and also highlighted on those that are non negotiable. Will start of the vision board maybe this new week ahead. Thank you!

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thank you for the mental support. Today i have allow myself to receive respect and be treated nicely by taking a step forward to go on a date with another guy. There is no emotion vibes for this date but we ended nicely. Occasionally the “mixed signal” (i have officially labelled him that name) came to my thoughts but i know i am waking towards letting go and allowing myself to be wooed again. I will keep in mind that onwards i should choosey partner from people who chooses me too. 🙂

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for the suggestions, i am working towards the first one on closing the door myself, telling myself i am done here. Him not contacting me so since 3 wks ago has helped to set my mind with more conviction. I am now open to receiving more attention from other guys, keeping in mind not getting what i want is better than getting someone that don’t want me enough.
If he do contact me, i may put forth your second advice or just ignore. But if he does text and the mix signals starts again, i will tell him the boundaries i have for friendship. Or perhaps by then, i may not even want to reply anymore. Will keep you posted.

[Jodie S]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for the support! Truth is i am struggling inside whether anot if i should just cut him off, setting boundaries wouldn’t make me feel any much happier as my mind is not tune to friendship with him with the back n forth communication with weeks lapse in between, it doesn’t make me feel happy anymore.. yes i would definitely feel more empowered but ultimately i still need to get over it, so am just thinking if i should just cut him off and start my recovery. As even now i know i am just waiting for him to contact me. As i couldn’t bring myself to contact him ever since we had that conversation about him afraid of losing my friendship 4 months back so he has been the one reaching out to me since. I know its this point of decision that is the hardest to put forth.. I will keep you posted definitely. Meanwhile wish me well. 🙂

[Jodie S]

Hi Heidi,

YES to ALL of the above on clarity, i guess i just needed some strength from someone looking from the outside to tell me their observation. I know and will try to remind myself that if i have to even doubt or feel stuck in confusion then it is just not a right fit. I need to work on being kind to myself and giving myself enough respect to walk away from people and setting myself free.
I will work on decluttering my emotions for him and start be firm on my boundaries.Thank you so much for being so frank with me on your thoughts! xoxo

Jodie

[Jodie S]

Thanks Heidi for your thoughts! As usual he will not connect for about a week before making his appearance on text. So i would put your advice into words should he ask me out if that happens and if he were to use phrases that send mixed signal again. Even though after he claimed to not want to lose the friendship, i couldn’t bring myself to reach out to him anymore previously but i was thankful that he kept trying to connect with me till i was ready to meet him again, But when he started with these mixed signals i felt like i am not really able to see him a a friend as hope was in the equation (coz i still feel strongly for him). Truth is i was ready to cut ties after he told me he was afraid to lose the friendship as i felt little resentful that he was making decisions for me as in i would choose friendship since we have gotten closer. That should b my decision to make? lol But when i saw him reaching out to me till i was ready to speak again, i thought that this friendship really meant something to him. Hence I’m in this situation right now. I have decided to burn bridge if need so that i can get my head out of it should he pull and push with me meaninglessly. But for now i hope to give me my last best to see if he is trying to actually let me know he is interested to see if there is anything forward for us. your thoughts? Or from your experience, this is a waste of time and I’m just an option for him?

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