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Heidi,
My boyfriend broke up with me on the 21st of November, he agreed he would talk to me when he was ready and I stopped contacting on December 1st. I have seen him twice since then because he lives in my neighborhood. Today he gave me a friendly wave, but I totally ignored him, not because I wanted to but because I was on the phone with my Dad. Please give me advice or a plan on how to text him to get him back. Should I wait until after the holidays? (I think that would be fair) or should I send out a “May I please ask your advice really quick? It won’t take long” around the 31st, which would be 30 days of no contact? Please help.
Belle
Yes! Any books or readings that you may recommend so I can learn about this further ? Podcasts? Blogs? Where did you start? What helped you?
Belle
Hi Kanya, at this point I am waiting on him. He gave me his word he would come forward to talk to me when he is ready and I believe him. In the meantime, I plan to read and listen to the products regarding relationships and write down things that I feel are important to talk to him about. It would be nice to get guidance on this, regarding tone, how to engage him with what I am saying, etc. he’s going to have some walls up.
Thanks,
BelleHeidi,
I requested that we meet in person to talk about things, but since he hasn’t been responsive with that instead I have texted him what was on my mind. We have been texting back and forth, which I feel like he is more comfortable with this option right now instead of in person and I just found my answer. He needs time to work and focus on himself. While we were together there were many child trauma he shared with me that his behavior showed me he hadn’t worked through them but I never said this to him because I saw him more into his Knight phase. He doesn’t know how this trauma has affected him, he’s self-reflecting right now, but still hasn’t realized this is one of the sides he needs to work through. Also, he’s transitioning from the Knight to Prince phase. He hasn’t figured that out for himself yet either that’s why he needs his time to think things through. He agreed we’re going to meet in person when he is ready, but to give him time, which I agreed to, so I will no longer keep texting him. However, please give me advice for when we do meet. One, how do I give him the sense of security that he can transition to the Prince phase and still be together? or Two, do I completely let him figure this out on his own and just maintain friends with him?
Respectfully,
BelleHi Heidi,
Yes it is helpful. I need guidance on how to find out what was missing for him in the relationship. I gave him a week so that he could clear his mind. I have done the same. Right now, I just activated the Hero Instinct. I texted: I need your help. He said: What’s up? I texted: I need your advice on something you would know better than me.
Now I am just waiting. What do I say after?
Thanks a million,
BelleHeidi,
That was a lot of information. At this point, I am unsure what I want to say to him specifically, but he’s responding to my texts. Our break-up is still fresh, I’m still on his mind and he’s still on mine.
Belle
Good Morning Kanya,
I am so grateful for your relationship advice! I honestly want to keep growing as a person, as a woman, and as someone in this community, I have created and accomplished so many great things for myself in my life because I was persistent, giving up, even in a relationship, I feel is an easy route out. I’m seeing all those flags you mentioned including other ones, such as, not working through any trauma he has from his parent’s rough divorce when he was a child, anxiety, and the inability to be vulnerable. As well as, wounds from his prior relationships. He’s unable to be true to himself and unable to self-identify with his feelings. The first time he was honest with me was in that break-up, one-sided conversation. I believe he felt a connection with me at the beginning and a strong one. We had many beautiful moments together. However, he never really took the time to get to know me, we both like different scenes, for example, I like to study and read books, he likes to hang out with friends more. I figured those were different types of activities where we would get our alone time, and I would go out with him sometimes, and since it’s not my scene I wouldn’t really feel it, and that’s probably where he concluded we don’t have a connection. Inside our relationship, there was a lot of respect and understanding, it was beautiful, however, there were no intimate, vulnerable conversations from him. I was waiting until he would come forward to me, but maybe I just need to learn the skill of how to make the man more comfortable to share that inner side of him.
In this next follow-up conversation with him, I’m going to ask him if he wants to grow with me, opening the conversation with everything you mentioned above. I would like more specifics on aspects to talk about, from you or Heidi. I don’t have a date yet when we are planning to meet, I want him to have his space and enjoy his holiday with his family. I will reach out to him for a date on Monday.
Kind regards,
Belle
