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So I’ve been in nothing but abusive relationships in the past which has conditioned me to look for every single behavioral change. It has also forced me to be prepared from the get go for “the other shoe to drop” because being gaslit makes you do that. Ive been programmed from abuse to prepare for every negative outcome and to wait for it.
The kisses were soft and gentle almost like he was afraid id break. He has a lot of insecurities about himself and im pretty sure his last relationships were abusive. I know stories about the women he has been with and they are not positive.
I think he was mentally abused in the past and I think he was made to feel like he wasn’t good enough so when presented with something good and positive, its intimidating and scary and if you’re not ready to accept that because you don’t feel you deserve it, you run. (I’ve done that myself, thinking I was going to ruin someone with my awfulness because thats what my partners told me I was. Terrible and I dont deserve anything and they’re here because they feel sorry for me)
Ive begun to leave him alone more and more as much as it hurts. He messaged me last night telling me he hoped I had a good day. I told him i did and that I hoped he did too.
Thank you for making me feel welcome.
To answer your questions:
No, from the very first time we met, which was to come over to my place and watch The Crow, we’ve cuddled every time. He didn’t kiss me for about 3 weeks because of nervousness. We saw each other twice, to three, to four times in a week and each time we cuddled very deeply and he would kiss me when he left because as he said “it was his favorite thing to do and he liked to leave on that note.” It was from the start we were seeing each other and only each other. It wasn’t until around Halloween (my birthday) that things began to get weird.
I have not been in this situation where I had a guy best friend I fell for. Ive never been in this situation ever. If I liked a guy and we tried but he didn’t feel it, I cut him out.
I am working on shifting him to friend zone. I have left him alone a good amounts of the days now, messaging only when I need to ask for his advice on writing as he’s a writer and im writing a few stories.
Last night i did tell him I needed help with support in a video game and it was pretty fun, it was friendly only. But today im leaving things alone.
