[Katerina K]

Thank you Heidi so much

Katerina

[Katerina K]

hi Heidi,

Yes, I have already searched for EFT and TFT. I’m trying, one day up, three down but the good news is I haven’t given up (yet) lol

I’ll keep you posted
Katerina

[Katerina K]

OK thanks,

I have bought the workbook for now and Michaela’s wild woman and I’ll see how it goes.

[Katerina K]

Found it, sorry, I didn’t see you had a link to the book Home.
So, I should buy “the artist’s way workbook” or “the artist’s way starter kit” or both?

[Katerina K]

Heidi,

Which one of the workbooks that are in the link you sent me? And what’s the name of the author of Home?

Thanks
Katerina

[Katerina K]

OK great, I’ll do all these you’re suggesting and I’ll keep checking in my progress with you.

Thanks a lot

Katerina

[Katerina K]

Dear Heidi,

I hear you and all that you said was really helpful. I suddenly felt a spark of hope, it was instant then gone, but it was there while I was reading your message. I will try to put your advice to practice. Any more ideas? They’re helping me a lot in creating my new path.

Thanks a lot
Kate

[Katerina K]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for your words and advice. Could you name a few of therapy services on line? I’d like to search for them.

I have started doing yoga and meditation, that’s my goal for the weekend, to do at least some yoga both days. Then, on Monday, what steps could I make to start the week with hope and motivation?

[Katerina K]

Hi Heidi,
Thanks for your reply. Yes, I AM depressed and I started seeing a Psychiatrist. Of course I understand what you’re saying and of course I can see that you’re right, but I guess I just can’t accept that huge mistake of myself, that those years were wasted. I know I have to start over, but I don’t have the power to do it now and by myself. Hopefully, with the doctor’s help I will be able to fight.
Thanks a lot for your help.

[Katerina K]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for your reply.

I CAN’T start over, it seems IMPOSSIBLE to me. All your advice towards rebuilding is so precious, but I don’t feel like doing anything right now and I have not the power to resist inertia. I live in the nature, but I stay in bed, I don’t go not even outside my bedroom, let alone for a walk, not to mention I have no friends at least near where I live.
I have thought of online classes, there’s a lot of things I’d like to learn, but I’ll still be alone. Languages, acting, singing, literature, but how can I participate in groups and meet new people online? I’m not the socialite type, so all my possible new relationships will stay online.

I’m in so much pain and all I can think of is him. I can’t believe it is over. I’d like to have him in my life, even if we’ll be just friends. Well, I don’t really believe that, but I want to know his situation so bad. Maybe he wants to communicate too but he’s afraid of a possible rejection? I can understand that rebuilding is important, but the only thing in my mind is him. The truth is I’m very critical of myself, I’m thinking of my mistakes a lot, of my biggest mistake being that relationship that ruined my life and it’s now over, just like that. Isn’t there a way I can communicate with him without looking like a beggar? Just to hear from him?

Katerina

[Katerina K]

Hi Heidi,
Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, the truth is I’m at a loss. I know you’re right in everything you said, but I don’t know where to start from. How can I make new beginnings in every aspect of my life? Changes in myself, new friends, new job, new habits, new choices, new decisions, new guy. I know my relationship was not healthy, but it was what it was. I knew if I wanted to have some company, I’d reach for him, if I wanted to have sex, I’d just call him. Now I have no one. And I don’t think I really have people in my life who truly value me, respect me, love me or support me. I have reached for my friends a lot of times, but they don’t reach back. If I don’t call them, they don’t call. I don’t know how to make the relationship flow normally in a daily basis. They have their lives and they don’t make me a part of it. And now with the Corona, things are harder, we can’t meet for a coffee or a drink, or go over their places, or travel, or start new activities. So, it’s not about making my ex a priority in my life again, it’s about having no other possibility to changes. I really am at a loss. So I do nothing, I’m just staying in and doing indoor activities alone.
And my ex used to tell me: “Now we’re not going to break up ever”. That’s what I think about all the time. That he didn’t keep his promise.
Any help? Have I confused you? I know I’m confused

[Katerina K]

Hi Kanya, thanks for your reply. Yes, I believe it may be too soon to make the decision about whether I will be with him or not. I don’t know how HE made that decision so fast. So, no matter how much your suggestion fits with my feelings and thoughts, I’m skeptical because I’m scared that he won’t reply. Hasn’t he made it crystal clear that he doesn’t want any communication with me any more by not giving any signs all these past 6 months? And he had some good opportunities if he wanted, for example my name day in November or now the Christmas holidays, not to mention so many things we had in common all these years, namely the most recent ones, for example ask me about my health situation, if I had a relapse or how I’m getting along with my physical therapies, if I succeeded in the exams we had taken together, so many things about which I’m curious too and I’d like to ask him. Especially if I talk about our current situation, he’ll get furious I think. He’ll refuse to talk. TO start, you could send him a text that says “Help, I need your help.” When he responds ask if you can talk and go from there This would be the best scenario but only if he responded.
How about the ‘movie trailer method’? How can I apply it in my situation? I’m quite certain that the reality of my current situation is that the movie trailers his mind is playing are showing him potential pain or a lack of pleasure in being with me. How can I change his feelings about the future? What could be the trigger points that would cause him to re-evaluate old memories in a new light? Can you shape some text ideas for me in this direction? To change the theme of the mini movies in his head that affect his feelings about our relationship? To choose clips that highlight the fun, exciting adventure he could have if he chooses to make me the most important person in his future. (I’m using the exact words of the coursebook). I like this idea very much but I don’t know how to apply it.
As for my other relationships and the changes in myself, I’ll be glad to take your advice, but after we resolve this problem first lol

[Katerina K]

Dear Heidi,
Thanks for everything you said, I learned a lot from the lessons you taught me.
The truth is you are right in everything and I realized through what you said that my behavior to him was not good either. Not good at all. I always thought that he had worked a lot on himself and he was clear to me about what he wanted. Why didn’t I never leave? Of course, on the other hand, he was giving me hopes that he’d commit, and he was always chasing after me whenever I decided to leave him. I don’t know if blaming myself is in my subconscious or because of my low self-esteem, but I can see now clearly that he’s had enough of me. And I behaved like that because I knew that it was my choice to continue staying in this relationship. I was angry at MYSELF for accepting this relationship on his terms. He even “taught” me some bad behaviors, by saying bad I mean those that he did to me and I didn’t like, and I applied them and still do to my friends and that’s how I lost them. For example, to not answer their calls, so they stopped calling me and now I’m striving to get them back and build again those relationships. They blame me that I got distant first.
Now I do want to fight for something different in my life and fight for more in a relationship, but I don’t know how and I have zero hopes of finding a new guy. I think it’s quite impossible considering my way of life. But the truth is that I’m not ready to say goodbye to him. I can’t accept that I wasted 20 years of my life into someone that now I’m strangers with. I got to know why he decided to leave me now, when he promised me that now there was not a chance that we’d break up. I need to know what he’s thinking, his news, how he’s changed over 6 months. And what I fear most is that he’s found someone else and that woman will make him commit. Something that I couldn’t do. Something that has happened to me before twice, with my other 2 exes. I want to make him communicate.
Another question: do you think that His Secret Obsession course would help me in this case?
And another: can I also ask you for advice here concerning my relationships with my friends, or with myself, and how I can change?
Thank you very much.

[Katerina K]

Hi Heidi, merry Christmas
Thank you for your answers. “I thought your situation felt really familiar and now I know why…lol” lol, yep this is me, I started 2 new threads instead of replying to the original. Now I know lol.

Very nice ideas of things that can bring pleasure and laughter into my life and I do some of them, I spend a lot of time with my 4 dogs, I workout and do yoga, I try to meditate, but all that is lonely, only by myself. How can I find new friends and a new guy?

You are right that my ex doesn’t and never did seem very committed and I probably shouldn’t chase after him and I really don’t want to initiate, I’d love that he pursued me though, like he did all the other times we had fought, and all that isn’t loving myself but I can’t believe that he just erased 20 years so easily and he treated me like that in my worst moments. And it was his fault that I had a relapse because I followed him to Singapore for his work and I stopped my treatment. Where is his love or his caring for me? He has never loved me or cared for me? Has he found someone else who will manage to make him commit? I think all that and it drives me crazy and very sad. Maybe he reached his threshold. Yes, he has mentioned a lot lately that he couldn’t stand my jealousy and my nagging. But I thought I had every right to be mad at him for the way he treated me, he was never committed and never counted me in his life. As for my jealousy, he gave me reasons to be jealous. So you think I was wrong to hang up on him, I was disrespectful, that this reaction of mine was the game changer, our breakup was my fault? And how can I show him that “I’m working on becoming a better teammate with him and that I want to learn new ways to communicate? But doesn’t he have to work too? Also, how can he see the changes when he doesn’t communicate? Are we concluding that I will initiate with the hero instinct text “I need your help”?
Thank you very much

[Katerina K]

How can I fill my life with fun, pleasure, nourishment and self-love while I go through this breakup?

[Author]

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