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I haven’t explicitly shared these things with him. There is a lot that I want to say to him once I get the chance, but I am currently really trying to focus on myself and not contacting him for a few weeks so we can both have time & space to think.
As for commitment, he is the one who asked me to be exclusive. He told me that we would be together for the holidays and next year and the year after that. That made me incredibly happy to hear & I saw the same thing. I don’t know if I see myself 100% marrying him, but I definitely believe that we will be together for longer. And I can picture out lives together. I liked exactly where we were when we broke up, dating but not stressed about the future & what the next step was. I didn’t feel pressured at all to have everything planned out & I don’t think that I put that sort of pressure on him. I believe that he is young & doesn’t quite know exactly what he wants, which is absolutely understandable. It just makes it hard for me to understand my place in his life. I believe that he loves and cares for me. I believe that there are unresolved feelings but that he is conflicted on what to do moving forward.
I can’t say for sure exactly how I want him to show me, but I think I’d just like him to make a decision and stick to it. Either he wants me in his life or he doesn’t, and I want that to be clear.
As far as my emotions go, if I’m being honest he became my main source of support. I would constantly apologize to him for putting so much on him but he always told me that he loved me & that’s what you do for those you love. He assured me that he could handle my emotions. I lost myself & my other support systems while in this relationship, so I put everything on him. Since the breakup, I realize how unfair that is. I’ve also been taking medications that seem to be drastically helping with my mood swings. I’ve reconnected with girlfriends, and I know they will be there for me if/when things get rough.
