[Luisa R]

That makes sense. Thanks for clarifying! So far whenever I’ve tried to use his hero instinct, I was let expecting anything or a specific response, I just wanted to make him feel good about himself.

Yes I’m able to give to him and care about him while still taking space and taking care of myself. I really like him. And honestly, I don’t feel like meeting other guys——in the sense of, I’m not a fan of dating sites. If someone that catches my attention shows up (once this pandemic is over), then I would see where it goes.

As for my history, no not really, haven’t dealt with unrequited love (in my adult life, that is).

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Luisa R.

[Luisa R]

Thank you, Heidi!

Yeah, that time “away” I took was really good for me. And Heidi, speaking that he’s not feeling the “pressure”, I wanted to talk about that. During those three months I took a break, I pretty much never initiated, never sent him any memes, nothing. I’d laugh when he sent me something funny, and toward the third month I’d send. him something funny maybe once a week.
As I said, we’ve been talking more lately. But sometimes I worry I might scare him away. I’m being myself again — we’ve been joking around, sending each other funny stuff. I don’t want to have to act distant and cold again. That’s not who I am, and I only did that during those three months because I knew my heart needed it.
But I want him to be comfortable and not pressured at all. How can I insure that, while being my caring, friendly self?

I can’t be as affectionate as I’d like, because I worry I’ll scare him away. That’s really hard for me, because I really care about the bastard (I say that in the most loving way!). If we were together, I could truly make him as happy as I would like, to the max of my abilities haha. That’s pretty much the reason I want him to end up having feelings for me — so I can make him even happier.

A couple of questions: What do you mean “use it when I’m truly inspired”, “sparingly”? How do I know when I’m “truly inspired”?
Also, would be be okay to tell him, maybe in a month or so, that I’d love to hang out with him? I really don’t want to pressure him, and of course, I would like him to pursue me.

[Luisa R]

Hi Heidi, thanks for your reply. The way you describe the hero instinct makes a lot of sense. I’m starting to understand better why the “don’t” examples in the book wouldn’t work.

My relationship? Oh boy. I’ll try to summarize it. We’re not in a relationship. We’re good friends and we’ve slept together. A year and a half ago he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Fast forward to a year ago, I told him I caught feelings and he said that “while [he] doesn’t feel the same”, he cares a lot about me.
I didn’t feel like myself (my confidence went to rock bottom at that time, when I’m usually a very confident person) so in April I decided to distance myself, help me move on. But he kept popping in, checking in once in a while, but most of the time, just sending a meme and running—not much interaction. Three months of distancing myself, I was feeling like myself again, so one day, after he checked in on me the day before, I decided to reach out and we had a very nice conversation about acting. That was before I had found James’s book, by the way. Things started getting better, and I’ve since activated his hero instinct twice (as far as I know, haha) by asking him for help.
He’s been nicer, more talkative and more attentive since then. Amazing how much can change in less than a month.

Anyway, that was a very summarized version of our history.
To answer your question: what am I trying to accomplish with the hero instinct, why am I wanting to learn this technique?

I want to bring happiness into his life. I want to make him smile and feel good about himself. And if that has the side effect of him seeing me differently and falling for me, great. Even as things are right now, I know I can make him happy, I can make him laugh and smile. And if he lets me, I can make him even happier.
At the very least, with the hero instinct I hope to become closer friends with him. If it goes beyond that, that would be one heck of a bonus.

[Luisa R]

I see, so it has to be advice on things he knows about. Speaking of “he may not have answers”, what if I ask for advice on something he does have experience with, but for whatever reason he can’t find the answer to? Is there a way to thank him in a way he would still feel like a hero?

And I’m also interested in photography and acting, but I’m not sure how I could use the latter to activate his hero instinct, since I’m not an actor, I just find acting fascinating.

As for asking for movie recommendations, I thought about it, but didn’t know that would ignite his hero instinct as well!

[Luisa R]

Hi Kanya, thanks for your reply! Yes, that makes sense. So even just asking for advice ignites his hero instinct. That’s good info to know. Would asking for advice on things he’s not necessarily an expert at work too?

He’s an actor and a photographer, knows quite a bit about computers. He’s very wise, gives good life advice. Less specific things is he likes sharing funny memes, enjoys movies…

[Author]

Posts