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Well many questions to look at here and thank you again!
I don’t really resonate with any of them and don’t feel that I need something from him or that he is giving me something that I can’t give myself.
I have had many questions myself about this as I feel if it was someone else I would have left by now but the thought to leave just doesn’t make sense for me, I don’t know how to explain that any better. It is not about being heartbroken or starting over I can easily do that and I am definitely not scared to do so. I know you are right that somewhere there must be a fear of something but I just can’t seem to find it. What is keeping me with him is the feeling that I have when I think about walking away, it just doesn’t add up for me.Okay yes! That makes perfect sense with wanting to do something and then it hits your wall so you don’t do it because you are not ready to look at what is stopping you or making you uncomfortable!!
I am not scared of being heart broken, I have been heartbroken before and I always know that it will pass and something better will come along. I have always trusted the universe in that way.
This is something else and I don’t understand why. I am honestly a little surprised that I haven’t walked away already. This is probably related to my self work in some way, that I see this as an opportunity to work on so many things within myself and he has brought up many things for me that I have worked through. But writing this also is making me realise that I am willing to do all this work on myself but he isn’t. I can do all the self work in the world and he still might not be ready himself to do any work. I can also see now that I am not accepting that this is the way he is, I am believing very strongly that he can open up and this I need to drop as well. I am very excited now to be honest, I already feel so much better about myself just opening up about this and seeing what I wasn’t seeing. Excited to put myself first and accept that I can’t expect anything to change with him and be okay with that. Excited to see if this will switch something for me and excited to stop feeling that I need to do something or that I am not doing something. This has been very eye opening as it’s also making me realise that I put others before myself in so many aspects of my life.Well first of all thank you for taking the time to write all of this.
Very good insights here and I hadn’t realised that I am not allowing him to be himself by wanting him to let me in. What I want for him is coming from an heart full place but yes the truth is that it might just not be what he wants at all and I must accept that as you have said. It has probably also felt like a lot of pressure for him that he is not ready for. I think I might be hung up on that he said he was ready for it when I told him what I wanted in the relationship as I was also purposely trying to make big statements to see if he would be scared which he didn’t seem to be at all back then.
I am not sure how I feel. This definitely does not trigger me, I just see this as truth and it makes 100% sense but at the same time it hurts to have to think about this not working out. I think I am feeling a little bit stubborn. I have thought about that he might never get there but then I want him to let me go, very silly I know and not sure where that is coming from since all previous relationships I have broken up myself because my needs weren’t being met or honoured.
But with this new information I am willing to let go off this need I have to be validated into his life and see if it changes anything for myself and how I feel about the relationship.
I do know that I was taking all of this way way to personal in July and August and making this about him not loving me so I have been trying to change my perspective and this is going to be so much help with that, a lot of new information I wasn’t seeing about myself.
So I am going to go with option 1 now and really make sure I am also honouring myself. I think that is the biggest thing I am taking from this. I am the most important person in my own life and I must honour myself to be able to honour other people and you have made me realise that I have been overlooking myself a lot to accommodate him. As I write this I think that’s coming from a fear of rejection that he might leave if I make it uncomfortable for him. But realising once fear is a good start to see where I have been coming from and seeing it now also meansI can hopefully let that fear go because it’s not serving me and I can see that now so thank you.So many blessings and thank you for your on point and honest feedback!
Hopefully I will remember to give an update here in a few months.
But at the same time it doesn’t feel right in my heart to walk away or give up as I see through this barrier that he has up. I see him and all that he has put up around himself and I know it is going to take so much patience but I am willing to put in the work but I need better tools in how to do so, make him feel that he is safe with me.
Hi and thank you for the reply.
This is not about his daughter this is definitely about him, he has said that himself that his daughter wants him to get a girlfriend and that that is not the problem, she is very outgoing and asks him when he is going to find a girlfriend. His daughters mother would not get upset either, they have a very good relationship and she knows that he has a girlfriend and was so excited for him when she heard about me since she was getting worried that he would never get one (even set him up with her friend two years back) but I find it also a little strange that she hasn’t asked him when the two of us are going to meet so that she can be prepared.
The one thing he said a while back that made me worry is that at some point in his life he was able to just not care or be affected by anything if it didn’t concern his daughter. That made me realize how closed he has made himself.I am not sure that I am doing anything else to keep him at his comfort level but I might be and am going to notice that now if I am doing that anywhere else.
Him and his daughters mother broke up, he said that they had just grown apart and she started seeing someone straight away that she had cheated on him with early in the relationship and I think that affected him more than he admits. That’s the only thing I can think of that he has told me that could still be affecting him.
I love this man deeply and I know he wants to be with me but this is not the relationship I want to have much longer, feeling like a side piece in his life and not able to make any plans for the future.
