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Well yes I admit that he is my weakness. I went on a second date this afternoon with a guy that I met a few weeks ago and it was great but I don’t feel the same and it’s not as exciting than with him. And he also answered my text from yesterday saying “I’m not playing why do you say that”. Ugh. Like make up your mind once and for all, what do you want?? His behavior is really selfish honestly, and yes he doesn’t think about any consequences. If I want to see him again I’d like to confront our perspectives and see if he owns up to what he’s doing. If he does, I’d like him to give us another chance but the fact there’s still his ex around disheartens me. I don’t know if he’s ready or can change his behavior but if he’s not willing to then I can’t be with him that’s for sure and I’ll have to cut him out of my life for good because I can’t continue to be in this situation where I can’t move on.
Hi,
I haven’t send him anything since last time because I needed some time to think but last night he sent me texts in the middle of the night saying “I know it’s weird but I’d like to see you again, that can’t be explained” and also “sorry” a few hours later. I received the notification when I woke up this morning but when I went on the conversation he had deleted the texts around 11am except the “sorry”. I know he drank last night. Another thing is that he put in his story old pictures of him and his ex that night. Honestly I’m really confused. I feel like I’m going insane. He’s playing with me right ? I mean he’s really immature at his age (32) to do this, not taking responsibility for his behavior and playing like that. I feel like he’s completely lost and doesn’t know what or who he wants and that he feels lonely and bored. That’s the explanation I came up with. We live in France and a curfew has been set up at 9pm since last week so I think the timing is only logical since he can’t really go out anymore and meet other women. I don’t know if he talks or sees his ex, but this whole situation is messed up. I think he’s desperate for attention and plays us both, but I can’t be sure of anything. So I replied to his deleted texts and said that I saw them and he said “never mind, if I sent that it’s that I wanted to” so I asked him what game was he playing at and he didn’t answer. I feel like a fool for still tolerating his bullshit and still wanting him despite all that. I love him and hate him at the same time it’s so confusing. I don’t know what to do. I know I should cut him out of my life because this is toxic but I don’t want to. I’d like to see him one last time to maybe have a conversation with him even though it might be completely useless at this point. If I realise that it’s completely over when I meet up with him then I’ll move on and block him but I still have this hope even though it’s kinda hopeless.
What do you think?Update:
So my ex reached out a few days ago as it’s been 3 weeks we haven’t talked at all and almost 2 months we haven’t seen each other and I haven’t contacted him at all like you told me to do. After deep thinking, I planned to not engage at all during a month and maybe more but well, here he is again. This time apart was very beneficial after all as it made me refocus a lot on myself, and I also went on some dates with nice guys, but I can’t stop thinking about him and I honestly don’t care and don’t want any other guys, even if it’s cool to receive some attention. So his first text wasn’t cold at all and he didn’t really have an attitude so I answered. He asked how I was doing and also ‘reminded’ me that I still had one of his bracelet that he wanted back and he mentioned that he knew I didn’t wear it as I told him that the last time we saw each other which is kinda funny because I also said that it was uncomfortable and pulled out my hair lol. I don’t really know what to make of this, like did he came back just to ask for his bracelet back or is there something else. I answered him in a detached but polite manner that I had forgotten about it but that indeed I still had it , to which he replied that I’ll give it back to him sometime, and I said that it was a possibility. He didn’t took it very well saying that I wasn’t nice and that my texts sounded like I didn’t care but that he understood that I didn’t really want to talk to him (even though I didn’t said that). I replied that I was talking to him normally and asked what did he expected me to say and he just replied “🤷♀️” to which I didn’t reply and left him on read since. I feel like he’s looking for signs if I still care and I do but I don’t want to show him that. I feel like he’s not showing much effort and I’m tired of being the one who does so I don’t either, since he’s the one who gave up on us. So now I don’t really know what to do. I know he has a lot of pride and I don’t know if he’s going to reach out again. Is being cold and playing the card of indeference the best way to attract him and get to talk to him and see him again and eventually get back with him ? I’m a little lost on what to do. I thought that maybe next week I would reach out to him if he hasn’t by then but I don’t really want to be the one that initiates a “date” to give him his bracelet back, I don’t want to ruin my efforts of the no contact period and I don’t want to give him the impression of chasing him. I also thought of another option that would be going at his place without telling him to give him back and maybe have the possibility to have a conversation with him but I feel like this one’s risky as it’s unpredictable. I’m asking myself so many questions but the main one is: is there still hope to get back together? And if so, I don’t want to rush things like we did before and then crash and burn again, I want to approach this differently and do things kinda properly. For now I just don’t want him to think that I still care a lot and to take me for granted again, that’s why I act cold but I feel like it’ll just make him go away for good… And I also feel like if he senses that I still want him it’ll have the same effect so what do I do??? I feel like this situation is so ridiculous and it gets stuck again it’s so annoying. Thank you for your answer.
Caroline
Hi,
Well yes you’re right, it’s been fun most of the time from the beginning but not easy. I think this is mainly my fault because I ask myself too many questions about where the relationship is going, whether is he playing me or is he honest in what he says etc. I get attached really quickly when I start liking someone and it usually ends pretty quickly too because of that, he’s not the first I’ve experienced this with. He said it was too complicated because I often asked him the same questions (because I doubted what he said was true sometimes, I can get really insecure and I need reassurance which I never really felt like I got from him, but maybe it’s just my own trust issues and not him the problem, I don’t know), there was a lot of bad vibes coming from me which is true, it also occured that I reproached him things. When we had misunderstandings and conflicts he said it was too complicated to just talk without making a huge deal out of it. He also said that what bothered him was the fact that he had to gain my trust (which is a normal thing to do in every relationship right?!) and that sometimes I didn’t give the benefit of the doubt. He said all those things disheartened him despite the fact that he genuinely liked me and was attracted to me. However something I didn’t like was the fact that there was double standards with him like he could do or say something that displeased me but if I did the same he got angry, it’s hypocritical! I also think that he wasn’t used to someone that puts that many barriers, because it’s hard for me to open up to someone I just met but I acknowledge that sometimes I could’ve tried harder, I was just scared to be vulnerable.
When I got anxious about the relationship it indeed occured that I tried to push things despite my best efforts, sometimes I just couldn’t sit back and not hear from him. I think I kinda reminded him his ex because he told me the last months of their relationship there was just to much headaches with her and who wants that, right? But he kinda is the common denominator too, it’s not all on me that it’s been complicated. Maybe he just ain’t ready to get serious again with someone so quickly after his breakup too. Now I admit it that everything I previously said doesn’t sound very good, and I acknowledge that maybe it’s me who wasn’t ready for a commitment despite wanting it from the bottom of my heart. But now that I’ve become aware of some of my inner issues that I never dealt with, I honestly think I can heal and work on it and really get better and I would be able to have a healthier relationship with him.
I think it’s a great idea to just spend time with him without expecting much and just experience it and see where it could lead, which is what I should’ve done from the start and seems normal now that you say it, but I’m so used to feelings getting in the way… And yes we both need to make compromises otherwise it won’t work because I just can’t put aside all of my needs and expectations just to be with him. Also, I’ve been thinking about something that’s been kinda bothering me; some of my friends told me that we might be incompatible. I don’t like this word because I think that if you really like someone it shouldn’t be hard to make efforts for that person, period. What do you think about that ?
Yes I’ve already stepped back and it’s been a week because I was tired to chase after him and everything I said didn’t have any impact. To answer his texts about the situation being too complicated, I sent him maybe too long paragraphs to say what I needed to exteriorize, and I hoped it could help him to better understand my point of view and change his mind but it didn’t and he didn’t answer much sooo… We talked a bit after that and he left me on read when I said with humor that I had other things to think of than him to answer one of his previous text. Since then radio silence and I stopped initiating because it led to nothing. Thing is, I have the feeling that he won’t initiate contact either and I’m afraid he’s gonna move on for good and maybe find someone else if I let too much time pass. I was willing to not contact him for like 2 weeks and a half top to get my “power” back and show him that he wasn’t my whole world but a month seems very long since it’s already been a month we haven’t seen each other. What do you think ? What are the other ways to get his attention and interest ?
Caroline
