[Lea G]

Yea, bottling them up just doesn’t sound right to me. So it’s great to be able to journal and just let emotions out whatever they maybe.
I like the recorder idea! It’s like having a journal ready for you anytime. It’s also good to have it for times to just ramble on when a journal isn’t handy.
I try to create a routine specially during bedtime. I’ve been doing nightly journals with a cup of tea. And after that I listen to podcast usually. I like that coloring idea cause it’s can be very therapeutic. And I like that coloring book itself. I’m gonna have to get it.

[Lea G]

Hi Heidi!
I still get those negative feelings quite a bit. And I acknowledge them and let it come out. I cry while I’m journaling at times and just let honest emotions come out, whether it be anger, loneliness, sadness, or feeling optimistic. I try and embrace the emotions that surface out as I write in my journal. Sometimes even as I’m driving home or to work, something triggers my emotions and I will work on them as it happens. I think it through and I just let it out. There are times that i think he doesn’t deserve me and there are times that I think that I didn’t do enough. I acknowledge them and process those thoughts and emotions.

It’s hard to go through things I used to enjoy doing with him. Like it’s difficult to enjoy a sunset because we both used to enjoy them together. But I don’t let this stop me from enjoying it because I realize that even though those are enjoyable memories, I can always create new ones without him and still enjoy it.

The feeling of loneliness often times just creep out of nowhere. Basically all through out the day I would feel lonely because I miss him but I feel like at the end of the day is when it’s more apparent. There are also different thoughts that occur when this happens. Sometimes I’m lonely because I feel like our relationship wasn’t perfect but I was comfortable with him. I miss sharing my daily routine with him and sometimes venting to him about how work was crazy and stressful. I also miss his presence, because even though we were so different he can always get me to smile no matter how ridiculous his jokes are. Sometimes the thought of him meeting someone else makes me lonely.

[Lea G]

It’s not easy to be this way, but every time I have a negative emotion or I’m thinking negatively I stop it and think of how I can flip the situation. I try to be optimistic and think that if I dwell on the negative that it really won’t bring me anywhere.
I’ve always been okay with being playful and fun, I think just having to deal with a stressful job specially during pandemic and not having the support from my ex, and somehow still being there to support him took a lot from me. It feels to good to be free but also feels lonely sometimes.

[Lea G]

I’m very grateful for the community here that have been a great support system during this tough heartbreak.
I will continue working on myself and focusing for a better me. If this brings him back in my life then great but if it doesn’t I’m sure it will attract someone better for me.

[Lea G]

Thank you so much Heidi, I definitely wanna incorporate that with my journaling.
As of now. I’m starting to write in my journal and focusing on myself. I had actually gotten a hair makeover. Had it trimmed and did a balayage. My hair is normally just dark almost black. It feels great and it’s bringing me self confidence.

[Lea G]

It’s called “Reclaim. Piece x Peace.” I’m excited to get it started.
I mostly feel that I miss him at night when I’m about to go to sleep. I’ve started listening to podcast called “Heal your Heartbreak” and I usually drift off to sleep. I have 2 amazing best friends that I always vent to. My sisters are also very supportive. My coworkers are also like family that I can vent to them whenever I need.

[Lea G]

I actually stumbled upon a break up journal and purchased it. I can’t wait for it to arrive and finally put it to use.
It’s been a week since our break up and there are times that I think I should reach out to him but I stop myself.

[Lea G]

Journaling seems daunting because I don’t know where to begin. I think a prompt would lead me to begin. I actually am excited to see what types of emotions would come up during journaling. I’ve always wanted to explore those and be true to myself. As of expectations, I don’t think I have any other than being able to open up to myself.

[Lea G]

Hi Heidi,

So I’ve actually been toying with the idea of journaling! It sounds like a daunting idea but I’ve come across a few “prompts” to direct me on how to get started.
I also want to get back to exercising and cooking as those are things I enjoyed doing but have not been able to accomplish as often as I’d like.
As of now, there are moments and times that I would miss him and the times we’ve shared together. But I realize that I wouldn’t be in this situation if things are/were great between us.

[Lea G]

It was a discussion I think we both needed and it felt great having. It was somehow our “closure” so to speak. He was actually thankful that I had suggested to have a conversation about it.

As of now, I’m learning to work on myself and how I communicate. I know that this is not easy so I’m taking it one day at a time. I know that I have to change the way I think and react and how I process my emotions. From now on I’ve realized that if something upsets me, that I need to take a few moments to myself and think what is it about what they said or did that upset me? And why did I feel that way? Usually thinking about how to react changes my initial reaction.
Regarding learning to let loose, I feel that I need new experiences to help me with that. I’m thinking one of those could be me just blasting music and dancing by myself.
About the separation, even though it is upsetting I know that there are things I need to change. I’m hopeful that eventually we can try again, but I’m not holding my breath.

[Lea G]

So I had actually stopped by his condo and we had a long conversation regarding our relationship and what caused our break up. We’ve both come to the conclusion that this was something we both had done. I had told him where I think I was lacking.. not communicating enough/sometimes a little closed off and I felt that I didn’t let my guards down enough for him to see me as I am. He had also pointed out when we are spending time together and unwinding after a long day at work he wants me to be there and just get lost in the moment with him. He is undergoing through a lot of stress right now from his job and health. He will be undergoing surgery next month and I know this scared him. He is the type of person that wants to “get away” for a little bit from reality. I had pointed out where I felt he was lacking as well. I explained to him that it had upset me when things had regressed in our relationship. I felt that we both got a little too comfortable with each other and started having a routine and eventually got a little bored. With regards to making plans or changing plans more often than not I am willing to accept that. What had upset me was he would tell me last minute that he’s made plans without me. I felt that he should be able to tell me if he plans on doing something separately or without me. I value my time away from him and I know he values his own time as well. Also this mostly occurred towards the end of the relationship, so I felt that he was holding back.
I had also told him that I’d accepted him and our relationship despite our differences. That I had not been unhappy with him during this time. I had told him that I understand why he wants to take a break, and although I don’t completely agree with it, I respect his decision to break up. He stated that he’s unsure and unclear if this is the right decision and things may change but for now he thinks this is the best for us. He’s afraid that our bickering would end up to us hating each other.
With regards to being friends I had told him that even though I care so deeply about him, that at the moment I can’t be there for him and that I need to work on myself first. He reiterated that I should at least keep this in the back of my head. I had also told him that we both have things to work on ourselves and that I want what’s best for him and myself. I wished him the best and we both parted ways with a little less heavy heart.

P.S. we are so a like that during this breakup we had both turned in to cleaning/redecorating/buying new sheets.
Although I didn’t mention that to him. Just something I noticed.

[Lea G]

Hi Heidi,
I have thought about how to proceed with this change I want to happen. I know I was not a good communicator because I close off when I am upset about something or when something he does bothers me. Which then turns to a snowball effect that I end up shutting down and not willing to communicate with him. I feel that this is a natural reaction but I need to realize that this hurts people that care about me.
I know being “uptight” had come from being forced to mature or grow up at an early age. My dad passed when I was 14 and had to take on a very big responsibility to help my mom and my sisters. I had to assume a provider role at an early age which I think caused me to be the way I am now. I can let loose and be silly with him from time to time and I see how much we both enjoy that.

I don’t believe relationships should be a lot of work but I do believe both people have to put in effort to create a relationship. I feel that if it’s taking a lot of work and taking out the fun and enjoyment of a relationship then it’s not meant to be. I don’t think it’s effortless, I feel that relationships is a matter of conscious decisions to make it grow.

I’m willing to take a break as he suggests, but I know that I like him enough to try and see if there’s anymore potential between us. What should I do?

[Lea G]

Thanks for replying Kanya
I have always been ready to accept him the way he is. I’ve even sometimes think that I know him a lot more than he thinks and more than he knows himself. I would like to be a little more carefree and have been working on loosening it up a little more. He thinks that because of our differences we will not work out in the long run.
With your 3 questions I realized that in order for our relationship to work out I need to be more communicative and more easy going and show that. I need to show him that even though we have this differences we could still meet each other half way. It will be a lot of work but I am willing to work on these changes with a scale of 9-10. With that, I also realize that we both need to work on understanding each other so we would have less miscommunications.
He decided to take a break but had offered to remain friends. I told him I can not be friends with him. At least not right now. What should I do now?

[Author]

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