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Hi!
It does make total sense. It is hard though to keep going when I’m so used to talking everyday and telling him about my day or exciting things that happen. The thought of him doing what we did with someone else scares me I guess. I’ve just been keeping myself occupied with some close friends I have that support me. I’m also super busy when I’m at work (delivering babies) so I often don’t even think about this hard time for me on those days.
I’m not sure if you know the answer to this but how long do you typically see that the guy decides to reach out? I know everything is different. It’s only been 5 days for me but it feels like a lifetime :/
I know it will get easier and it has to some degree. I just want that old friendship/relationship back.
Allie
HI Kanya,
I appreciate the great insight you have provided to me. It has been 3 days and I have not contacted him. He hasn’t contacted me either and I won’t let myself budge and do that. For now, I will continue living my life with or without him in it. It makes total sense!
I will message you back with updates once I have some.
Thank you,
Allie
Hi Heidi,
Thank you so much for your insight into all of this. I do agree that he may be stressed about work and living back at home with his parents now. COVID has been a stressful time for everyone, including those of us that have been wanting to date. I feel like it has helped because I actually got to know someone, talk to them, find out who they are as a person, etc. instead of just meeting them at some random bar and going home and sleeping with them.
He told me that he realized he liked me as friend and said that I make his bad days better. He said that I’m easy to talk to and he had no reason to stop speaking with me when he first started talking. He said, “When I know, I’ll know.” He said that it’s not like he’s unhappy about me or being around me. He respects me felt it was hard to get the vibe if you’re single and texting, calling, and video chatting (which texts yes they can be, but the others I feel as if you can get a good vibe). He then said that I’m “fun to be around and he enjoys my company, but it’s more than that. When you know, you know.” He said that I’m a good friend and that he doesn’t really have any girls that are friends around his age so it was kind of nice to talk to each other. Later in that conversation, he said it was hard to tell me because I am really nice and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Then he said something that made me feel for him. He said, “I’m lonely and have my own issues and subconsciously I latched onto you because maybe it felt more stable.”
It will be hard to take a step back for me as I really do enjoy talking to him and want him in my life. I want him to be able to see what he is missing out on, I do. But I also don’t want to be missing out on stuff in his life too. You are definitely right that I do not want to be the only one initiating a connection/conversation. I haven’t reached out today, but the past 3 days I did and he did respond. We texted less than we usually did, that’s why it was weird for me. I’d be able to tell him about my crazy day at work and I’d hear about his. We would talk on the way home from work and what not. So it feels weird not to. If I do step back, how will that allow him to see what he’s missing out on? I just am still so confused despite all of your good advice.
Thanks for the help,
Allie
Hi Kanya,
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond and help me with this situation by giving me your insights. I agree that he should have given this more face to face time as I believe that you can’t really get to know someone in person after just one meeting. I wasn’t any different in person than I was over the phone and FaceTime. I mean he even admitted that he told me a lot more information than he would tell any of his friends, so that makes me believe he did feel comfortable around me.
To clarify the interaction with his parents, I never actually met them. He just told me that he did tell them about me when he moved back home as if he was ever on the phone with me or going to FaceTime, he didn’t want to be rude and not tell them why he wasn’t spending time with them. Also to clarify, it’s not his mom that was keeping me in the loop if he was speaking with other women. He was the one who would say from time to time that he WAS NOT talking to other girls and that if he was, he would let me know. He would always say that I’m a good person, respectable, and that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
I have been the one to initiate us talking and texting. It doesn’t last as long as it used to, which is what I miss. Right now it feels more casual. If you had asked me this question two weeks ago, I would say it felt like a really close friendship. I really do feel like he felt the same, even though he says otherwise. I just really feel it in my gut. Maybe he’s scared, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants. I know it’s weird for him being back at his parents house and I know he’s not happy with his job. He wants to move out and get a new job, so that could be what’s occupying his brain and not a relationship or anything serious right now? I’m not sure.
I will definitely take a read at the article and start thinking of some ways I can incorporate this into our interactions. I will keep you posted and I appreciate the help.
Sincerely,
Allie
