[Julie P]

Hi Kanya,

Thanks for the link, but unless I clicked the wrong one, it had to do with people who are already in a relationship. I don’t think it pertained to my situation, but thank you for the information anyhow.

The reason I want a first date do-over is because I wasn’t myself on the date. I was nervous, scared, withdrawn and not my usual confident self. He touched me a few times and I withdrew – partly due to Covid concerns, partly due to feeling self-conscious. After texting for two months and being beyond excited for this date, my mom told me I was too fat to go on a date yet and needed to lose more weight first. It crushed me. My sisters and friends told me she was ridiculous and encouraged me to go on the date anyway. My confidence was already shot though and I should’ve cancelled the date, but it was too late. I think I sent him all kinds of mixed signals on our date and kept trying to convince myself I wasn’t attracted to him so I wouldn’t be as devastated when he rejected me, which essentially, he did, which I figured would happen.

I know EXACTLY what I want and I know myself and what I (and my young kids) need very well. I dated for 20 years before I got married and was only married for six years (found out what I DIDN’T want during my marriage!) This guy is everything I have been searching/waiting for and he told me the same thing before our date. The date was devastating to me because I know I blew it as I was not the confident, flirty, witty girl he got to know over text messages/phone for two months.

How can I schedule an actual coaching session with James? It’s just too overwhelming to comb through all this material to try to figure out what pertains to my complicated situation. So far, the 12-word text message didn’t work. I don’t know what else to do, but I do know I don’t want this guy to just slip away…

Thank you!
Julie

[Julie P]

Hi Kanya! Thanks for your response!

We texted for two months, talked on the phone for two hours two days before our date and then our first (only) date lasted over two hours (lots of two’s!) In the texting portion of our relationship, he pursued me. We both like to joke around and be sarcastic and silly, so it was a lot of fun for both of us, and his texts became more frequent and longer each week. I had to talk him into meeting – he kept getting nervous about it and kept asking to wait. I started thinking he was married or something! (I verified he isn’t!) I knew from looking at his profile picture and comparing it to a more recent one I found by searching FB that his profile photos were VERY outdated, so maybe that was it? I didn’t care though. I was falling in love with him, not his photos. At some point during our texting, he started calling me “Wifey”. I was alarmed at first, but it felt like a sign that he really saw a future with me. As for distance, he actually lives only a mile away from me! So, I know THAT is not the problem.
Our first date was nervewracking. I think the expectations were too high. For some reason, I just assumed we would fall in love and run off into the sunset that night, hahaha! Honestly, it was pretty awkward being face-to-face and I couldn’t decide if we should have met earlier or met a month later and talked more on the phone. He hugged me at both the beginning and end of the date. He paid for dinner and drinks. He touched my hand at one point during the date. I texted him the next day to say “Thank you” and we bantered a bit, but that was it. I sent him the 12-word text a couple weeks later and he responded, then nothing. I am 48, divorced with two small kids, and he is 52, never been married. This guy is my dream guy. This just stinks.
I have to add that I wasn’t my usual confident self during the date. My mom was watching my kids and told me I wasn’t ready to go on a date yet (first date since my divorce almost three years ago). I am not sure if my lack of confidence came through…At this point, I just want a first date do-over!!! Is there anything I can do??? Run away? Join the nunnery? LOL

[Julie P]

Hi Kanya,

Yes, we have been texting for two months, then had one date. I sent him the text to reignite his interest and he responded within two minutes. He gave me the answer I was looking for, but that was that. I asked for his advice, he gave it, end of story.

Ugh…

[Julie P]

Hi Cristina!

I am not a dating coach, just someone in a similar situation. Met a guy (52) online and fell head over heels after texting for two months straight. The guy was referring to me as “Wifey” in our texts. I fell for it, hard. We finally met for our first date and we had dinner and chatted for over two hours. He never asked for a second date 😞

I don’t get guys and thought dating one over 50 would be a refreshing experience. Nope, same story!!! Do you think maybe your guy just wasn’t feeling well??? How did he leave it? Didn’t he have to stay another night at the hotel? I’m so sorry, but you never know – maybe you will hear from him?

Julie Ann

[Julie P]

Hi Heidi!

Thanks! That is solid advice. I have texted him a few times since and he immediately responded, and we continued bantering, but he no longer calls me by the nicknames he used to and he still hasn’t asked me out again. I really don’t think he was already in an existing relationship, though who knows now?
So, the texts that James Bauer is teaching us about, what is the purpose of learning any of those to apply to this situation?

Thanks! Julie Ann

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