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Ohh, yes. I mean it felt uncomfortable because I felt like I was letting him and our other friends down… and felt nervous there might be “repercussions” (but I know this is based on a past toxic relationship).
I’m excited to see him. I do miss him, and am going to do my best to keep things light. I’ve been going over what I might say in my mind so it makes it easier and I don’t feel the urge to cry, which helps. I still feel peace about it and more confident. Hoping that is all a good sign.
So all of a sudden last night he asked to come cook for me 3 times this week and talked about other ways to help me (he said as an accountability partner, workout partner, anything to help). This morning he told me he was thinking about applying for a grant for his nonprofit and he’d pay me to teach some classes. He keeps talking about helping me and if I need anything from him. This is his normal personality anyways; I just can’t tell if this is him being himself, if it’s stemming from his guilt, or he’s doing this because I’m pulling away…
He said he would come over tomorrow. I want to gauge how things are (and hopefully he brings stuff up) but we will see each other.
I don’t necessarily want to take a step back, but I acknowledge that it might be a possibility and that it’s better to accept that than try to convince him to do something he’s not ready for or doesn’t want.
This is helpful, thank you for sending this. We do have fairly good communication and he doesn’t like to yell, so I feel like preparing myself to go in with this approach will be beneficial. I am emotional as in a crier, so I know I’ll also need to do my best to control that.
I didn’t go to his event yesterday. He texted me this morning saying it was a success and that everybody was looking for me. I told him I was glad to hear it went well and that I had some things to take care of. I think he can tell something is up because we normally ask questions and I would’ve told him what I was doing, or would have informed him I wasn’t coming. Is it best to bring up a conversation between us and then make the official decision about space between us?
Hi Kanya,
Thank you so much for responding. Yes, and he hasn’t yet explained why he does it… even yesterday, he reached out to me via text, said he was going to get a haircut and that if I need him to contact him on his cell (which I found odd because we were texting haha). And asked for my opinion on a few things afterward. I’m doing my best to focus on the peace and not let my mind go to a place of fear. He and some friends are hosting an exhibit today and I’ve made the decision to not attend after what he told me. While I want to support, I know I need to focus on me, too.
We haven’t discussed dating other people. He even said he’s not replacing me. I’m not the type to sleep with other men if I don’t see a future together. He wouldn’t expect it from me, but if it happened he would probably act okay with it. He doesn’t like to tell people how to live their life.
We’ve talked about commitment in the past but never officially did. I guess we just spent all out time together and have been so involved and supportive in each other’s lives, it felt like it, which I realize led us here…
Yes, I realize he may need time. I don’t necessarily like that but I love him and know that if that’s what he needs, I have to respect that. Time and space apart would be difficult for both of us… He returned on Thursday from visiting family. We’ve spoken via text (he updated me when he landed, about work, random things), but we haven’t seen each other yet.
I’m definitely open to a conversation and feel it’s necessary for both of us. I’m not sure how to approach it. I am an emotional being… I feel like I should probably keep it light? I don’t want to put pressure on him or feel like I’m trying to convince him.
