[Marie]

Hi Heidi,

By saying “before it’s too late”… I mean before he drinks him self to death. He works his butt off all day, (very responsible guy) starts drinking after work, and is home by 7 to go to bed and start all over again. It seems to his friends that he is drinking to forget and past out so he doesn’t have to deal with life after work and so he’s just working and sleeping basically. His friends told me that after we broke up, he started drink a lot more, which leads us to where we are now. I did ask him when he was going to enjoy life and not work it away, he said when he retires. I said what will you do then and he said travel.

Your right, this is prolly not healthy for me. It breaks my heart to see him so broken. I know its not my job to save him but I am also not the type of person to see sit back and watch someone crash and burn. His friends are afraid to say something to him and he has no one else. But… on the other hand, I do get what your saying and I see your point. I have not stopped living my life, nor will I do for any man. I have been asked out a handful of times and I know I should go, but my heart is with him. I do have guy friends that I hang out with, but zero interest in pursuing anything. You asked what happens if I can’t be there for him, he will have to figure that out on his own I guess, or I’ll try my best depending on the circumstances of what it is he needs. If he’s not there for me, I have 100 other people that are. I am surrounded by a great circle of friends and family. I am sure it will be hard as it is now. When I spend time with him, which is 2-3 times a week, he acts like hes completely in love and puts his guard down with me. But when I am away, he is distant.

You made a great point, if he can’t take care of himself, how can he take care of me. That is something I will keep in my head. Now I have to say that I feel like your response was contradicting a little, I feel like your saying give up on him and I feel like your saying don’t give up on him at the same time. It’s a bit confusing. Now if we said give up on every broken person, this world be a crappy place and a lot of these books would be bogus if we said if they are broken, get out and don’t try. I tried the “Hero” text with him twice and it worked both times. I was actually shocked because I never thought it would work on him. Or maybe I just got lucky. If I need him, he usually answers me and if I call him, and he doesn’t answer, he always calls right back. When we were a couple, he would text me every morning, afternoon and stop by at night on his way home. I always thank him and appreciate him when he does something for me or when given the opportunity. I also, compliment him when the timing is appropriate. This morning I tried to do the “appreciate” text instead of in person and he did not reply. Which is fine, as long as he appreciated me telling him and wasn’t annoyed by it, lol. Which I will prolly not know! So according to the book, I have tapped into the hero instinct, and I have done the appreciation and complimenting. (On a side note, I have always told him thank you and appreciated him) but now so I am more aware of it after reading a couple of the James Bauer books.

Do I want to change him? No. I think he’s a great guy. Do I want to see him be full of life and happy again, yes. If there is something I can do to build his trust of me not leaving him once he opens up, and try to help him heal, I would like to do that. I accept him the way he is because he truly is a great person inside and used to be full of life. He’s just been crushed and can’t seem to pick himself back up. I think he was very close to his mother, and when she passed, he just gave up and is going through the daily motions of life.

When he is with me, he treats me very well. But he’s too scared to get close and open up. Sometimes at night laying in bed, he will open up a little and give me bits and pieces but that’s it. Sometimes we have our best talks when we are just laying there. He acts so close and connected to me which is why its so confusing. Is there hope of healing him? Or are you telling me to walk away?

PS… I have been listening to find out more about the Upper Limit so I can understand.

Thoughts?

[Author]

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