[Neelma S]

Hi Heidi,

Yes we met, we went out. He spoke about his ex during some of our chats. I felt that maybe he still felt hurt over that and that is why he speaks about it.
I just couldn’t get why he couldn’t talk to me… when he said he liked me and I was a very special person for him. He reassured me about this everytime I asked him, everytime I felt that there was something but I couldn’t lay my finger on what it was. I told him about this feeling, yet he reassured me.
Why did it take a persona for him to admit that he was in touch with other women. And he spoke to them and kept in contact with them and personally met them. What had hurt me most was that he made me look like a fool by saying that he was busy to chat to me, when he was chatting to others. He made me look like a person who was blaming him. And when he was caught, he turned everything on me by saying what I did was wrong. I don’t think he would have told me about himself. Don’t think he felt what he said he did… I don’t think I was special. If he would have truly liked me then he would have not make these excuses.
In his last message after all this… he wrote that things are not going to be the same, he doesn’t want to message me… however, he will let me message him.
This makes me even more angry. Why would I want to message him if he doesn’t want to message me. I blocked him at this point.
He talks about not being able to trust me… but doesn’t think about why should I trust him when he is not willing to talk about his decisions. I told him everything about my decisions and what led me towards my action, but he doesn’t see that there is anything that he needs to say.
So yes… Even I am asking myself, is he truly the kind of guy? He is not.
I made an undesireable decision and faced it. He doesn’t see that he proceeded with any undesireable acts or needs to face anything.
He will not see his own actions.

[Neelma S]

Thank you for replying Kanya. Now looking back after reading what you wrote… I wrote him an email after he got upset with me, explaining how I was feeling and how confused I was and what led to my action. I admitted that what I did was not an acceptable solution.
He wrote back saying that he was ashamed of himself for trusting a person like me. He said a lot of blaming things. You are right… All the blame was thrown at me.
If he was my true friend and really did like me then he would have thought at least once that she is not this type of a woman…then what made her do this. Instead, he totally blamed me.
He messaged me yesterday saying that he will stay on talking terms but things will never be the same.
True… Things will never be the same for me too. If he can’t see any gap in his behaviour then it won’t work. He will not respect me as a person and will continue to lie and deny.
So, I have deleted his contact and have un-friend him from the social platform app. If he can’t understand me, can’t talk to me about his contribution towards my confusion, then I will feel this pain again. And I am not willing to do this to myself.

[Neelma S]

In my embarrassing and unacceptable situation, the person who was with me for a year, showed me that he was busy to go out and chat, and mainly replied when I messaged. Upon asking he reassured there was nothing wrong. One day, I accidently saw him online on WhatsApp, I noticed that he was online for continuous 6 hours. He kept saying that he doesn’t have time and is busy for various reasons. Out of curiosity, I checked that he was online on WhatsApp or messenger for 7 to 10 hours continuously every day. Upon talking to him he got angry and said that he doesn’t like being questioned like this and I am accusing him. We eventually got over this, and after a while, he continued with his behavior.
I felt that it was something to do with me, or that he doesn’t like me anymore. I wanted him to talk to me. I cat-fished him on Instagram and he became my friend on Instagram. He revealed quite a lot to the created persona and had chat sex too. I felt hurt further.
Eventually, he said that he knew it was me right from the start. He was really upset, felt highly betrayed and left. We agreed to stay on talking terms. I tried to explain that he had completely shut me out, wasn’t communicating with me, was continuously chatting for hours with others while telling me that he didn’t have time to do all this, which led to me believing that he didn’t like me.
This is the summery. I admitted what I did, I had never done anything like this before. I understand the reason he is upset. I shouldn’t have done this. He meant a lot to me and now I don’t know what to do.i feel bad about my action and about losing him over my action.

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