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Hi Heidi,
When saying we needed space, I was referring to what I said to him earlier this week. When I said that to him, he seemed very shocked. He did not talk to me for the next 24 hours, which was hard for me, but I knew he needed his man-cave time to think.
He has been much closer to me since he came home 2 nights ago. Even surprising me with a kiss in the forehead when he walked by me as I was engrossed in my university assignment.
While he has been closer, he is still distant.I very much like your suggestion of how to bring it up to him. I am really just trying not to pressure him right now, but making sure he know that I’m here for him if he needs, that I love him, and I believe in him to sort through all his stuff and do what is best for him.
It makes me sad for him when he tells me “ha, I always screw things up and wind up making a decision that I regret later”
In response, I tell him “that was the old you. The man I know and trust may take his time to come to a decision, but i have all the faith in the world that in the long run, you WILL do what makes you happy”This forum has helped me tremendously in keeping my anxiety level. The advice is wonderful, and I am thankful for you all!
Thank you. I have my family, and I have a few very good friends.
He seems to have wiped away most of his doubt about us, but it is really hard for me to tell. He isn’t really telling me much of anything regarding where his mind is at. I have lightly mentioned some planning our future plans together, that I would like us to set some goals together.
He leaves to go out of town again tomorrow morning, and I worry that being all alone in his truck will cause his overthiking mind into doubt again.
He is funny, and I know I shocked him by telling him that we needed space. Somehow, I will figure out what to say next to help him solidify our relationship.
It is similar to the approach I was thinking to take. I sent him this text last night, based on advice from the books.
“Mike, I want to be honest with you. When I first met you, I didn’t think I deserved you. You somehow know how to keep me smiling even when I am down. I don’t know how you feel about us right now, and that’s ok.
I love & respect you deeply, although we have our ups and downs in the last few weeks, you’re still the man I look up to. Although I know it’s hard for you, I need you to know that you could share anything with me, whenever you are ready to.
We’ve grown distant lately & need some space. I can see that you aren’t comfortable with me like you used to be, and I believe we need some time apart from each other. Maybe it’s best for both of us.”
He called me for clarification, and seemed really taken aback with it. But he agreed that it was a wise choice so no rash decisions were made in haste.
Today was the hardest day for me, because I know not to bombard him, so I didn’t reach out at all. I am terrified that he is going to come home tonight and tell me it is over.
We have an amazing connection, like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my 39 years. He has made me a better person, helped me to see the good in me, that I am awesome and deserving of respect, helped me process past trauma and adores my kids. I really don’t hiw to continue without him.I dont know what to do, my anxiety is through the roof about it all. I’m scared to say anything to him in fear of being overbearing, but I am also scared that by not reaching out to him he will see me as unnecessary.
Thank you for your support and guidance.
I should also add, in the last 2 months or so, he seems to have lost passion in the bedroom. From the start of our relationship, we enjoyed sex most nights. In Mexico, it was even better! Several times a day, and amazing!
Now, it feel like he only has sex with me to make me happy. Says “feel better now?” After we have made love. It is always great sex, and fully satisfying, but his question afterwards makes me feel… insecure? I’m not even sure.
I don’t nag him about it, I honestly haven’t said anything to him about it. I don’t know what to say without making him feel attacked, and I don’t want to seem like a nag about it.
