Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Heidi,
It’s not that I have to get married by 30, but it’s something that I want to achieve. I want to start a family in my early 30s. It might be a longshot, but why not dream for it. I feel like I’m just going to have to let go of this guy since I’ve changed so much for him that I don’t know what else I have to give up for him. I’m so tired and now emotionally drained to try and mend this relationship with his words that he loves me and cares for me. His actions and words don’t add up and to be completely honest, after hearing what you said, I think it’ll be best for the both of us to find partners that have similar visions. I want someone to show me how they feel instead of with words since actions speak louder than words. After reading, speaking with you, and thinking about what I want, I don’t think working for this relationship is meaningful or at least worth the fight. I can’t change anyone nor can I change completely for them since then I won’t know who I am anymore. If wanting a hug without asking for it is too much for someone to show if they truly love someone, I don’t what to do and don’t want to always ask for him to show that he really wants to be with me. I’m starting to feel numb and think it’s best I leave him, for my own good.
Hi Heidi,
Thank you for taking your time to really explain that. I definitely do agree and see myself wanting to change him but have stopped doing that since I noticed that I’m not the one that can do that, only he is. I feel myself getting irritated repeating myself hence really try not too, but recently we had a bad argument. He always thinks that he knows what I want, or how I see the world, when that’s not true at all. He understands how I feel used or neglected since I’m a very emotional person so always tell him how I feel. I told him that I want someone that I can trust and rely on. I also told him that I want to get married before I’m 30, which I’m almost there. He also tells me that he wants me to be with him and that he wants us to move out together.
I want him to show that he cares for me and can be there for me, not only physically but mentally. I want our relationship to be be comforting. I want that feeling of no matter what happens, at least he’ll be there waiting for me to tell me it’s okaay with a hug. Might seem like a fairytale but I’m only asking for him to show that he cares. I believe he is capable since he shows minor characteristics of showing that he cares such as giving me hug or complimenting me. However, I know it’s also not easy for him to show that side since he’s been living his life without needing to show that personality, as he always tells me that his parents were never there for him and he did not have a good childhood. He likes to avoid confrontation as he says he doesn’t have time for all these emotional stuff, which tells me he doesn’t know how to. From seeing how he treats his dog and his niece, I think he has a hard time showing those soft emotions, because he gets annoyed/irritated at them quickly too although he loves them a lot. That is why I’m trying to see if there is a way to tell him that its okaay to show those emotions without alarming him. I know I’m still trying to fix him, but I think this feature of showing his vulnerable emotions is important in any type of relationships.
Hi Heidi,
I don’t really understand the whole I ignore myself portion. How do I know and fix ignoring myself? Is thinking about what he wants ignoring myself? Is there a way to try and talk to him without him getting irritated, such as leaving the conversation? Is there any way to fix this relationship? I understand that it is completely my choice to stay in the relationship or not, but I at least want to try and talk to him in regards to how he feels or what he wants from a relationship. Is there a way I can ask in a subtle way without alarming him?
