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Actually before I started counseling I wasn’t expressing anything calmly. I’d get upset if he didn’t help with dishes.. then we’d argue. I mean no one would want to be around for that, I wouldn’t. Since this happened I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions and I have flipped out and said some things I wish I hadn’t but I can’t change that now. In the last week or so I’ve been able to calm down and we actually have been having conversations. It’s nice. But like I said he says he’s happy with her and it’s over between us. I tell him I’m not quitting and I don’t want a divorce and I’m not letting go. He hasn’t asked me to let go but he has said he hopes I can find someone to love and he’s sorry for the way it all happened. His love language was all physical… but that was years ago when we went to a class. He has said to our mutual friend he sees how I am being nice now and it feels good to him but he says it won’t last. I am trying to fight for him and fight my emotions about this woman and it hurts. It’s hard.
He says we argue too much. When we first met we use to communicate all the time and since I was deployed in the military, I had pushed him and my family away to make it easier to leave. We never recovered. I was always distant and wanted him to validate me and see I was hurting and when he wouldn’t I’d get angry. It was a cycle we couldn’t get off of for 5 years. I thought doing stuff around the house and being with him was enough for us. He says this other woman tells him how he is enough and tells him what he’s been longing to hear and feel in our marriage. He says he’s happy with this woman and wants a divorce. She is married as well. But he doesn’t see me in any way but the bad memories.i have told him I don’t want a divorce and I’m not giving up or quitting. We have communicated more the past month than we have in 5 years. But he still wants a divorce and will say things I think for a reaction and I’ve been not giving into that anger. I love him and I think he still has some love for me also. He says he is numb to everything and feels no emotions. Since I told him I don’t want a divorce he has stopped telling me he loves me but he will call during the day just to see what I’m doing. We have 3 kids so it’s expected he will still call but how do I absolutely know he may still have something for me. He is hurting too and in a dark place as well.
