[Jean]

Hi Kanya,

My girlfriends are very supportive in every way. I am very grateful to have them with me in this healing journey. However I think there are some sort of issues in me that I need to change rather than just healing from a heartbreak.

I noticed my relationships always end the same way. I’ve always been described as an understanding girlfriend, always the nice girl. But that doesn’t seem to work in terms of keeping my guy interested for long. People get comfortable with me very quickly, so comfortable that there is nothing they can find attractive anymore. When they don’t feel any challenges in the relationship, they stop fighting to stay in it.

Do you have any tips I can use to keep a guy’s interest? Like something I can work on, and eventually help gain back the interest of the guy I love and be irresistible?

We are still exchanging texts everyday. But responding to his texts is not my top priority anymore. Sometimes when a conversation dies, I just let it be and let him be the one initiating contact. Hopefully this helping to remove the said pressure he feels. Now what’s next?

[Jean]

Hello Heidi,

Thanks for the books recommendation, am actually in search for some books to read. I always turn to reading when I feel sad or empty, I find myself at peace doing that.

I do agree keeping myself distracted won’t work. When I was trying to heal myself from the break up with my ex, I depended a lot on friends company. Everyday outside of work hours I would hang out with different group of friends, because I couldn’t bear being alone. Until I get too dependent on other’s company, it started to take a toll on me. It didn’t help at all, in fact it made me feel worse. Then I turn inwards and find reading is what helps me feel better.

Yes doing that makes me feel better. But I can’t help but get distracted with thoughts sometimes. Thoughts of thinking how to bring him back, does he miss me when I’m gone, worrying if he’ll lose the very little interest he has left for me. All sorts of thoughts and worries about our relationship.

[Jean]

Hi Kanya,

Does this mean all I have to do is take a step back and give him space to take a breather? Respond only the way I would a friend and nothing else?

I think I’ve been doing pretty well in terms of not responding the priority it used to be. Keeping conversations very friendly and wouldn’t long for his reply 24/7.

But on the inside, I admit I haven’t been taking good care of myself. Probably because I still feel close to this person, I don’t feel a sense of loss. I feel rather empty than sad. I am not sure what I can do to get myself out of this. Any advice?

[Jean]

Hi Heidi,

Thanks for your reply.

I believe I am able to let go and not mention anything about it, since the interest and attention he show me is more than I can ask from a close friend.

Sure I can stay away talking anything bout the relationship and let go when he’s not showing interest. But what is my next step to gain his interest? Also, should I distant myself and stop showing my romantic affection?

[Jean]

Hi Kanya,

I was actually on a call with him talking this out right before your reply.

It seems like all these time showing my strong affection pressured him to run away as he can’t find himself to reciprocate. He thinks I should understand how busy he is at work and not get upset when he doesn’t text me often enough. To be honest, I never get upset when he doesn’t respond to my text quick enough. I sometimes get upset only when he didn’t show that he’s interested to know how I’m doing.

We came to agreement to stay as close friends and no intimacy beyond that. Should I still keep in touch? He said he would like to keep contact daily. But how should I do it without giving off the same vibe that made him feel pressured?

I really want to reignite his feelings for me again. But I’m not sure what is the best approach now. Staying friends is the only excuse I have now to not lose touch.

[Jean]

What happened between the last time we met and his birthday was, hope resurfaced. His company planned to post him to based in the city where I work. I was so looking forward to finally be living in the same city. But then this whole pandemic happened and there’s a change of plan. He’ll be continue working in the city he’s in. Could that be the reason affecting his decision to give up working on our relationship and reignite what he had with the girl?

[Author]

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