[Angela A]

hi there!

so now hes blocked me on his phone and all social media – i have no way to communicate with him now
aside from showing up at his house (we live on the same side street like 30sec drive away)
ive emailed him but not sure if thats blocked too – so no idea if he’s rec’d it

literally have NO idea how to handle this

or how to apply the “how to get my ex back” book …. 🙁

[Angela A]

he keeps telling me, at certain points in conversations, when were talking, on phone or in person
that it is “inappropriate” bc hes talking to someone ….. like omg 🙁

how do i reply to that??

[Angela A]

hi! MY REPLIES, BELOW, IN CAPS ….

I agree that the situation is complicated but the solution can be simple if you imagine taking it a step at a time.
I AGREE WITH STEPS AT A TIME – IVE GOTTEN A BIT FLUSTERED BC I CANT TELL WHICH STEP IM IN LOL

First, he is asking you to be nice.
HES BEEN ASKING THIS FOR YEARS

Think about what this means to him. Less arguing? Less strife?
I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS – IN THEORY – BUT NOT IN PRACTICE

What has made the relationship difficult from the start and more difficult int he past 3 years.
HE DIDNT MAKE ME A PRIORITY – HE DIDNT LOOK AT ME AS HIS SPOUSE BUT WANTED THE BENEFITS OF IT – MY PERSPECTIVE

That is what needs to change.
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS

Show him there is more to you than he realizes and that you are willing and able to do the work within yourself to change.
I THINK HE GOT THAT… HE SAID “I SEE YOURE TRYING…THAT YOU ARE HAVING A TRANSFORMATION… BUT UNDERSTANDING AND APPLYING ARE VERY DIFFERENT THINGS”

Next, in the relationship Rewrite they talk about taking responsibility and sincerely apologizing for your contribution to the problems. Have you taken this step with him? Remember, an apology does not have a “but” at the end of it or a rationalization as to why you behaved that way.
I DID THIS OVER A FEW TEXTS, OVER A FEW DAYS – EXACTLY HOW IT SAID TO DO IT, IN THAT CHAPTER – IT WASNT UNTIL LAST NIGHT DID HE RECIPROCATE !!

This is important because he needs to know that you get what is so upsetting to him and that you are making changes. He has been clear that he is not interested in continuing the relationship as it is. Show him you understand that and are on board with making changes.
OK NOTATED – ILL ADD THIS INTO MY THOUGHT PROCESS, AND WHEN I TALK TO HIM

In terms of the girl he is talking to, do not give her or her presence power.
I HAVE NOOOOO IDEA HOW TO DO THIS! I DONT KNOW WHAT I SAY OR DO EVEN ILLICITS THIS? WHAT ARE THE EXAMPLES OF THIS? OF DOING IT AND NOT DOING IT?

He isn’t really interested in her, he is just interested in a calmer and easier relationship.
I KNOW THIS – TOLD HIM THIS IN SO MANY WORDS COUPLE MONTHS AGO – DIDNT SEEM TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE – BUT NOW I GET THAT I HAVE LEAD HIM TO THINK THIS OR QUESTION THIS VS ME POINTING IT OUT (IM HIGHLY INTELLIGENT AND INSIGHTFUL AND INTUITIVE; BUT IM ALSO OPINIONATED AND EXTREMELY STRAIGHT FWD -> I FIGURE THINGS OUT AND IM 90% RIGHT HOWEVER HOW I GET THAT ACROSS IS I GUESS WELL PUSHY ?!)

If you show him that you can provide that then a relationship with you becomes more attractive than starting over with someone new.
HIS WORDS LAST NIGHT WERE REGARDING ME PROVIDING THIS, WERE: ITS ALL THINGS YOURE SAYING ARE GOOD BUT HOW BASICALLY HOW WILL I KNOW ITS REAL AND TRUE AND WILL HAPPEN -> I REPLIED SOME TANGLED VERSION OF WHAT I TRIED TO RECALL FROM BOOK … A RELATIONSHIP IS BUILT WITH MOMENTS BUILT UP AND THATS WHAT I HAVE TO DO FOR YOU (IM NOT SURE HE EVEN GOT WHAT I WAS SAYING LOL)

When he says that he wants to keep talking to her you can respond by saying something like “I really don’t want that because I want to work on things but if you feel the need to do that I won’t fight you on it.”
THIS IS GOOD – I USED IT LAST NIGHT – ACTUALLY KEPT SAYING IN IN CONVERSATION TOO – ODDLY HE SEEMED TO LOOSEN UP A BIT – LIKE SAID … OK GOOD …. AND I DONT EVEN KNOW IF ITLL LAST (LOL, LITERALLY I LAUGHED INSIDE HEARING THAT – LIKE WOAH LOL)

Yes, it will be difficult to say and difficult to follow through on but he needs to be making these decisions and seeing that you support him.
ITS NOT DIFFICULT TO SAY – BUT HIM SEEING THAT I SUPPORT HIM WAS INTERESTING TO WATCH UNFOLD

He will be so surprised by this support that he will stat to wonder if he really does want to date this other person.
INTERESTINGLY THAT HAPPENED RIGHT AWAY LIKE HIS IMMEDIATE REPLY – AND PROVED WHAT YOU SAID PRIOR “He isn’t really interested in her, he is just interested in a calmer and easier relationship.”

When he says she is nice, you can respond with something like “I know that things haven’t been great for awhile. Without realizing it I think I stopped enjoying our time together and wasn’t always nice in the way that you deserve. I can see that was a mistake on my part and I’m so sorry I didn’t treat you better. Just so you know, I am committed to making changes so that you know how much you mean to Me.”
HIS IMMEDIATE REPLY WAS DONT DO IT FOR ME – DO IT FOR YOURSELF – WHAT DO I SAY TO THIS?

You don’t need to get a response or conclusion in the moment. The Relationship Rewrite talks about this process taking time and patience.
TIME, YES.
PATIENCE IM NOT SO GOOD AT LOL
HE DID SAY I CANT DO THIS RIGHT NOW RE: WORKING THINGS OUT – AND HIS REASON IS BC HES TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE – AND ITS NOT RESPECTFUL OR FAIR THAT PERSON
LIKE OMG OMG OMG WHAT THE DO I SAY TO THAT????!!??!???
ALSO
HE SAID THAT IF HE WAS FORCED INTO IT BE TOGETHER AGAIN HED BE RESENTFUL AND DIDNT WANT THAT. HE SAID HE DOESNT KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN WITH US AND MAYBE WE DO GET BACK TOGETHER AND IF WE DID IT COULDNT BE NOW OR THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE IN THIS DIALOGUE HE SAID BUT I CANT SEEM TO RECALL RIGHT NOW

Things do not, cannot, change over night. He will need to see these changes in you for a period of time before he trusts that they are real.
ILL BE ADDING THIS AS WELL INTO MY THOUGHT PROCESS AND DIALOGUE MENU LOL

I know this will be difficult and you will need some support. Who is on your support team helping you stay calm and patient through this?
I HAVE A FRIEND THATS NEW FOR ME HERE WHERE WE LIVE IM NOT FROM HERE I MOVED HERE FOR HIM BUT IM NOT VERY OPEN PERSON SO ITS TOUGH T SHARE AND VENT
ACTUALLY HE MADE A COMMENT AND SAID HES GLAD I HAVE A FRIEND TO TALK TO …. WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN ?!

What are you doing to help yourself as you grow and mature?
THIS, DOING THESE READINGS AND FORUMS

[Angela A]

what do i say when he keeps saying he likes someone else?

what do i say when hes keeps saying someone else is nice?

i dont know how to address this in my favor !!!!??? UGH 🙁

[Angela A]

as for your message: MY REPLIES ALL IN CAPS!!

you are asking a great question and it sounds like you are having a brand new experience with yourself. This is great!
INTERESTING…!? HM!? NEW EXPERIENCE W MYSELF? THATS AN INTERESTING WAY TO PUT IT

First, it would be a good thing to stop contacting him.
THIS IS SO FREAKING HARD FOR ME TO DO

You don’t want to bombard him and not give him the time and space he needs to process everything you are sharing with him.
WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY HE TEXT BACK ON FIRST TEXT PITCH: “THIS IS TOO MUCH” LOL

When you are super easily available for him, it doesn’t activate his “hunting” type instincts, which most guys love – although a lot of them don’t really know that about themselves.
IVE NOTICED WITH HIM – HES A LITTLE DIFFERENT – HE SAID THAT BC I STARTED A DATING PROFILE PAGE AND BC I STOPPED CONTACTING HIM FOR A WEEK (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS ONLY 4DAYS) HE ENDED UP MOVING FURTHER INTO TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE LIKE DECIDED TO SPEND THE NIGHT FOR FIRST TIME AS IF I LIKE GAVE HIM PERMISSION TO DO SO LIKE I STOPPED FIGHTING FOR HIM

It’s a good thing for you to become a little unavailable. So for now, do you feel like you could not contact him for a few weeks? Let him feel his life without you in it. That is so important for him to feel.
I FEEL LIKE IF I DID THIS I WOULD LITERALLY LOSE HIM FOREVER – I DONT THINK HES CONCERNED WITH LIFE W/O ME – WE WENT THROUGH THIS PHASE A FEW TIMES IN LAST 3 YRS ALREADY LOL. HES NOW OK WITH LOSING ME. HES OK WITH LIFE W/O ME NOW – HES REACHED HIS BREAKING POINT

Second, I imagine that whatever pattern you guys have that is causing you guys to break up and get back together, is just not working for him anymore.
YUP EXACTLY. ME EITHER FOR THAT MATTER LOL. LAST YEAR I BROKE UP WITH HIM AND STARTED TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. BUT ENDED UP BACK WITH HIM 5 MONTHS LATER…. REALIZED I REALLY COULDNT SEE MY LIFE W/O HIM. HOWEVER HE FOUGHT FOR ME AND KEPT TRYING AND KEPT WANTING TO MAKE IT WORK AND I WASNT HAVING IT – OR AT LEAST I WASNT ALL IN FROM YEARS OF STRIFE (AT LEAST THATS WHAT I WAS TELLING MYSELF) – SO I ENDED UP BACK IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM BUT MESSY AND HAPHAZARDLY

I’m not sure what “pitch” you offered to him. Would you mind sharing more about that?
THIS IS FROM THE RELATIONSHIP REWRITE METHOD CHAPTER SIX ENERGY TRANSFER

Realistically, it’s a good idea to look at ways to heal the relationship so you guys don’t keep doing this.
AHHH YES HEAL THE RELATIONSHIP RIGHT! OK
It’s exhausting isn’t it?
YES VERY
What kinds of things can YOU do to become a better girlfriend? What can YOU do to change the patterns? What can YOU do to support him better?
YES YES YES IM GETTING THIS NOW – IVE BEEN VERY USED TO GETTING WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT – I TOOK HIM FOR GRANTED AND ADMITTED THAT TO HIM ABOUT A MONTH AGO AND HIS REPLY WAS: “BINGO”. UGGH

Lastly, I think it’s a great thing that you are feeling vulnerable and scared. You are having access to feelings you haven’t had before. It’s so important to feel all kinds of things in a relationship. Our feelings are the messages from our subconscious. They show up to let us know that something deep down is going on and we need to pay attention to it. Would you mind explaining this a little further? Would you say that you typically don’t feel much in your life in general?
SO MY FEELINGS ARE ALWAYS LOGICAL NEVER EMOTIONAL WHICH LED TO NEVER HAVING COMPASSION. HOWEVER IVE VERY PASSIONATE BUT ONLY WHEN I DECIDED TO BE LIKE IT HAD TO BE SCHEDULED *FACEPALM*. ANYWAYS HE IS THE FIRST PERSON TO GET ME TO HAVE FEELINGS BUT IT WOULD TAKE ME A FEW HOURS SOMETIMES A FEW DAYS TO “FEEL” MY FEELINGS, HE WAITED AROUND FOR 8YRS TO GRAB THESE MOMENTS. HE SAID IT SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN SO HARD IT SHOULDVE BEEN EASIER FOR US TO MAKE IT WORK. IT WAS HIM I SHOULDVE BEEN VULNERABLE WITH INSTEAD I STAYED IN CONSTANT ANXIETY AND FEAR MANIFESTED INTO STUBBORNNESS AND MADE UP RULES THAT HE FOLLOWED TO GARNER MY LOVE ATTENTION AFFECTION. I DO TOTALLY BLAME MYSELF BC HE REALLY IS A GREAT GUY – HES THE PERFECT MAN. AND I REALLY MESSED IT UP AND LOST HIM. SO SCARED OF LOSING HIM I LOST HIM. THE IRONY IS BAFFLING. ANYTHING DEEP DOWN I DONT PAY ATTENTION TO IT I KEEP IT IN OR I RESPOND IN FIGHT OR FLIGHT: HIS EXACT WORDS HE SAID IN OUT LITTLE CHAT TODAY ON PHONE ACTUALLY 🙁

[Angela A]

hi!
i was able to get a nice chat by phone today with him

said our 8 yrs together were really tough and last 3 yrs felt like he was single anyways bc of our strife

i ask are there ever moment little glimpses of feelings thoughts of still wanting to be with me
he did admit that there are moments he does think that !!!

then his rebuttal was im talking to someone else – i said ok thats easy: end it. he laughed like a giggle like yah it is that easy

what do i say, to sway him, to have me in his mini trailer when he tells me hes “basically dating SOMEONE ELSE” and that he likes her and shes “NICE” and its nice to be around someone nice, hes hasnt had that (meaning w me) and he likes it
What do i say to that!!!?????
i was SO hesitant trying to rack my brain of the 6steps how to get my ex back book
all i could say was that he does deserve that

[Angela A]

Update:

Needed to be in his sight … men are visual, I’ve learned lol
Went to his house – we live across the street/same street – brought him some after-workout lotion (he’s always sore) – he was on phone on speaker when I arrived – he stood at door knowing I was about to walk up – and wouldn’t open door till he was off phone call 😒😒
I handed him his little gift 🎁 he kept asking me where I got it from lol
He said thanks. wasn’t keen on letting me in until I noticed his sons bedroom window was open and he could hear us. I asked how his son was doing; talked ab the lotion; im never flustered but after this “how to get my ex back” book I now am. Apparently I never felt my feeling I was always logical – it’s my first time feeling vulnerable versus assertive w my feelings. Anyways.

I just staring at him smiling at him I have no idea what face said tho lol I asked if he had read my big long text he said he would tonight
Then
I just couldn’t help it and I just hugged him big hug squeezes and stayed there
He leaned in squeezed back! And put his head down on my head…
Hug ended not sure by who
And I left
Kept waving walking away

I wanted to say so much but nothing came out
All I kept thinking was I’d mess it up or I’d push him away or I’d be nagging (these thoughts I’ve never had) it’s really wierd lol 😆

Came home
No texts no replies

I sent him a video of how to use lotion
Read receipt but not comment back 😲😲😲

Now what …..??? !!

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Angela A.

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