[Angela L]

Hi Kanya,

Thank you as well for your input.

You are correct, the pain of sitting by idly, allowing myself to lose him is overwhelming.

I do understand what you’re saying about him moving heaven and earth. I have thought of this scenario as well. Because I’ve seen what he’ll do to get what he wants. But i can’t help but wonder if he is letting his fear take over and not listening to his heart. I feel like he may be trying to be heroic, by forcing both of us to move on. And I wonder if there is anything I can do to make him stop thinking that way.

I understand why you suggest to lose contact for a couple of months, but my immediate worry is that if he believes i have moved on- he will not want to disrupt my peace. He is a man of incredible self control, and i believe he would talk himself out of reaching out. Not to mention how much “easier” it would be to take the route of a new woman who doesn’t want children.

I don’t know if this insight means anything for you, but below is a text he’d sent me before he’d officially lost custody. This was in December, he’d officially broken up with me late January. I know he cares about me. But he’s forcing this outcome.

“I know without a doubt that you are far better than any woman i have ever met. If any of these possibilities play out then you will hate me forever.
Come down this weekend, we can talk. I don’t want to lose you, you are the best woman i have ever known. I don’t want to break you later either.”

Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing more from you.

[Angela L]

Hi Heidi,

Thank you for your response.

While I truly appreciate and understand your response, I would still really appreciate if you could give me tips/advice on what I can do to get this relationship back.

I am not ready to give up on him. I completely see the red flags of him letting his fears get the best of him, but we’re all human and in all honesty his kids are the most important thing in his life- i feel like he gets a free pass for crumbling under pressure with this circumstance.

I am not willing to choose a man over having children. But i believe he was genuine when he’d decided he would have the reversal for me. So i do have hopes that he could change his mind. I would not get back into the relationship unless i knew that was back on the table.

Again, please don’t find me rude for not taking your advice on moving on, but this is not an option I am ready for. Please give me advice on how to get him back. Taking into consideration the issues with propinquity I’d mentioned in my first post.

At this point i reach out a couple times a month and i don’t talk about “us”, i just try to keep it light. Also like i mentioned, he has not reached out first since the initial time.

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