[Sarah K]

Hi Heidi,

I wanted to wait until marriage. It was more of a personal choice than religious. I still feel guilty and because of that I feel like hurting him sometimes too. So he can feel all the hurt I am feeling. The Therapist I saw, after a couple of sessions, was actually trying to help me fix the relationship, instead of helping to deal with my feelings of guilt . She said , this is a “special guy for you there”. She ask me to ask him a lot of questions, I think it was overwhelming for him. He once told me that he never thought about some of those questions himself ect.

I think you are right, none of us is actually happy , I want him to be a certain way, he wants me to be another way. I used to have power over myself and you know really didn’t care, but since I had sex with him, it’s feels I can’t let go, because I feel like I gave too much, way too much and I can’t let go of that…

I don’t nag him every day, it came to a point where I don’t just interact with him daily(trying to go back to the way I was treating him in the beginning , looks like he gets overwhelmed by a lot of attention from me). I mostly nag him about basic stuff , like Checking on each other daily, like more good mornings texts, and stuff like that. He does stuff like this, only if he scared of me leaving. And also , his love language is a lot a lot of touching , I don’t have a problem with that because I am cuddling too, even with friends And family. But I need more then that to feel loved and I nag him about the things I want him to do for me , attention and word of appreciation , also when he says he will do something and doesn’t, that drives me crazy .So, Maybe every 2weeks I would say, only when he stops doing what He supposed to.

I don’t know what happened in his previous relationship, he doesn’t talk about it . One time I asked him what lessons he learned from his previous relationship, he said “not to make them the center of your world, self love is important. “

I want to have more confidence in myself , and love myself more than I love him. I want to be able to say no when I don’t feel comfortable doing something. I want to be the type of girl friends he would like to shower with attention and forget about whatever they did to him. I want to be happy and get him to do what I want without nagging him.
He asked me a list of things he does that annoys me because he doesn’t understand why I feel like He doesn’t love me, which I did. He said he will act on it , but I haven’t seen much.

I really don’t know how to act with him, if I come closer he runs, I pull away he comes closer. I am just sick and tired of that, after 2 years together, we should know better.

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