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I also always see people say “ive been daaying my best-friend for years and we’ve never had an argument” like is that even possible ? because no relationship is perfect so that makes no sense. how could two people just not argue at all?
Also my best friend that Im describing has a huge crush on me. So alot of what shes saying could also be jealousy. But idk. It seems like she genuinely wants the best for me and I really value her opinion. Me and him have been doing really well lately. And i would like to keep it that way.
Hi kenya!
so honestly before this quarantine I was never said I was “bored” So im guessing that it is this whole social distancing thing. And yes! its not my beliefs that someone out there that is better. My best friend constantly kept telling me this. In the beginning of our relationship she completely loved us together. she set us up together! However he messed up once by not being able to comfort me emotionally in november and we kept going in circles about this all the way up until march and she just kept saying I need someone better. But the thing is, he was trying. And I could tell he was. Im an overly sensitive person so it was not all on him. She loves me so much that she wants me to be with someone like the man shes with now. But shes not even with this man romantically anymore. They just have sex occasionally and apparently he thinks of himself as a “god.” He doesnt find himself to be human and she also believes this. Shes always telling about how good theyre sex life is, almost enough for me to become jealous by it.I am jealous by it. She describes him as this amazing man that I need. He never wanted her as a girlfriend. We just have different beliefs. I love her though! shes poly and im not poly at all. Its like she want me to live the life shes living and I was completely happy with my lifestyle until she kept constantly saying that I need a her lifestyle basically. I dont know if I would think the grass is greener with her thoughts on me constantly but I know it has had a huge influence. Im probably wrong but I have alot of people in my life always telling me what I need to do and how I need to live. Also In the past all my relationships ive always been the one to get my heartbroken and they were filled with drama. This one isnt. This one is easy.I really do appreciate and love your advice! you’re helping me realize alot about myself. However, I would also like different points of views on this. could i get that?
how do i get rid of the grass is greener syndrome? I always have this with every relationship im in.
I honestly dont even enjoy doing things with him anymore. I do them but i put on a fake smile, its all forced happiness.I want to be around him but I dont want to do anything. Whats wrong?
For example, I feel like im trapped but i know Im not. Hes honestly amazing. I just feel like I should leave but I dont want to at all! Why do I feel like this? it makes no sense. Maybe im not fit for long relationships? I always think about meeting new people but in the end I always think about regardless of how many people i meet Im going to want him in my future. And if we break up I believe i would find my way back to him. But i dont want to breakup.
Hi Heidi. I realized that im just bored with this relationship. I love him dearly and I dont want to leave. I keep blaming it on him but its me. I understand what I need to do from your advice. But what do we need to do? To spice up this relationship.
Hi, I am willing to face my fear and do all the things you stated today. However, im still heavily focused on the obsessed thing. I kind of let it go and after reading this its not so much of obsessed anymore, you changed my view on that. Regardless of what we are going through though or what me and any guy are going through I still want them to be obsessed with me. Because those are the best types of relationships right? when the guy likes the girl more? I just want him to do sweer and romantic things without me asking.Call me without me asking, know how to comfort me, etc. There was a time where he didnt know how to be my boyfriend, he didnt know how to be there for me. I had to tell him and then he would do it which was so frustrating. Most men know how to make their girlfriend feel better, but for him it was like he was completely oblivious. Hes become like that for alot of things honestly. This is so hard to put into words! I just want all that. The romance, the “ extraordinary love” thats been talked about in the program. Thats what I dream of regardless of the issues me and him are facing. I would still be here today if those issues did not exist. I understand what you said and im not throwing it out the window, you have helped me alot! Most of the things you said will definitely help our relationship. The thing is, that extraordinary love was there and its STILL there. we have a deep connection. But how do i get him to feel that? how do i get myself to feel that? with all that we’ve been through its like we lost sight of that. I want him to just do things for me.. like in the movies. Yes I am chasing a fairytale. But i dont want a mediocre love under any circumstances. Im not sure if you’re understanding, or if im evening making sense. I do want him to obsess over me, I understand that wont fix my fear. Im going to face my fear like you said. But i still want that. I probably seem like a very hard headed person lol, but im just so driven by this and its what i really want. However,I promise i will take your advice and use it! But can you give me answers for that?
Hi Heidi. So right now Im too afraid to let my gaurd down and be the best girlfriend I can be. Because of whats hes said and done. Im starting to become okay with life and I find myself smiling a lot more. I see everything Im grateful for and I take advantage of things that make me unhappy and throw them out the window. So I would say in this past week I have been happier. However im truly scared hes going to tell me he’s lost interest again. or every other hurtful thing he has said in the past. Right now hes trying his very best and hes doing amazing at it. I really appreciate him for trying this hard for me when he had the opportunity to leave. But the fear is what is causing me to want him to become “obsessed” does that make sense? I dont want to worry about us getting into another one of those awful conversations about “should we breakup” I dont want him to consider him leaving. I want to know that this relationship is safe and secure. And thats why i want him to obsess over me. And I want to become more irresistible. Thats the whole reason I paid for this program. That fear is really keeping me from being an amazing girlfriend. Im also scared that once I am Ill become needy again and so clingy, calling him every 5 minutes.. blowing up his phone when he doesnt text back. Because ive done that, I dont want to be the one doing that.. I dont want to feel crazy at all. I want him to be the one doing all that.
I think that Heidi’s response was 100% accurate. I was depending on him for my happiness and part of the reason for that was because I dont have anybody besides him. How do I know that my unhappiness is in the relationship or outside of the relationship though? In the beginning I didnt count on him for mu happiness at all. The main reason was because we fell in love at a camp this summer. All my friends work there as well. So I had him and them. I was happy already. I didnt “need” him. But my friends live pretty far and I dont see nor talk to them as much as I talk to him. College is around the corner for me, I genuinely feel like that will have an amazing impact on our relationship. Hes also transferring to a college that is not to far from mine, coincidentally. I know ive become more needy. Ive been working on that. Im also gonna start to see him for who he really is and accept that. And does the hero instinct really allow a man to obsess over a women ? even this far deep into the relationship?
