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Hi Heidi,
I’ve always done this in relationships and I don’t know why. I feel like I’m not good enough or what I say will sound stupid or the other person doesn’t care about me enough to feel the same way. Something holds me back from revealing my true self and I wish I knew a way around it :/ I would 100% change if I knew how regardless of if my boyfriend did because I know by me changing it would help him too.
I don’t know what I would say if I did reach out to him. I don’t know how he’s feeling right now and I don’t want to make him feel pressured to make a decision he either might not want to make or feels like he has to make. I know our current situation sucks and everyone is on edge so I’m not taking this fully to heart I’m just hoping that he cares and loves me enough to want to work on things when this is over. What do you recommend I do?
Hi Heidi,
It’s been challenging because I’ve never been good with opening up to him and communicating on a deeper level and I never knew why but since we’ve been apart I’ve realized that it was because his fear of the future made me feel insecure. The fact that I never opened up to him made him question the relationship but he has also struggled with opening up to me too which he said he’s realized as well. Whenever I have expressed how I’ve felt it’s always been at a time when I could feel he was acting different and I would ask him if everything was okay and then he would say no and we would be close to a break but we’ve never actually had one. That’s another reason why I’ve been hesitant to open up because when I have it’s been on the verge of a break. He’s very understanding and a great listener and he’s always ready to help me. I’m an only child and I’m very independent and I feel like that bothers him at times because he feels like I don’t need him which isn’t true. It’s not great just sitting around waiting but I know if I were to do something it would probably make the situation worse so I just feel like giving him what he wants is the best choice right now. I told myself that is the stay in place gets extended into may than I would reach out because idk if I can wait that long. The uncertainty is what is driving me nuts.
Hi Kanya,
Thanks for the reply! He hasn’t told me exactly what he doesn’t like about long distance. Yesterday for Easter he texted me and said it didn’t feel right to not wish me a happy Easter and that he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about me and I agreed and wished him and his family a happy Easter. He also said that he misses seeing a text come in from me on his phone which I just thought was confusing since he said he doesn’t want to talk through this but again I said I feel the same and that was pretty much it. I didn’t want to fight or make him feel pressured if I said what do you want then so I just agreed.
When we talked before this and agreed on the no contact until this was over we kind of took it as a time to work on ourselves. We’ve never fought and our relationship has always been easy and he said he wished we had just so he knew we could get past any obstacle. Not talking has made me realize things he’s done that made me feel insecure opening up to him. And I told him all of this and he said by me saying it, it validates and scares him because they’re qualities he’s always had but I’ve also never told him about them until now.
I’ve been eating healthy, working out and video chatting with friends and also just thinking about what I want in a relationship and if he can give it to me. I know he can make the changes but idk if he loves me enough to do so, so I guess time will tell. I do miss him a lot and wish there was something I could do. I feel like I’m learning to live without him and I don’t want that but idk what else I can at this point.
