[Myralys]

Hi, Kanya.
Unfortunately I was not able to do the “lesson” via phone or Skype, he just told me the recipe via WhatsApp voice. I did ask a couple of questions, and he seemed happy to reply, but I didn’t want to manipulate the situation even further.
When the food was done, I sent him a video of it. He seemed happy that it worked out. And I said that next time I wish we can share. He said he wishes that too.
But, today, again – no communication…it is 7:30pm.
I am tired of worrying about it, and of coming up with things to text him about.
I guess I will just have to wait at this point 😢

Thanks.

Yana

[Myralys]

Yeah, unfortunately we are basically confined indoors now. 🙁
And his back problem makes it even less likely that he could come out to meet up.
But I did text him earlier today (overcoming my insecurity about texting first). Just asked him a question about where to buy some fresh shrimp. He responded right away, gave me ideas where to get them. And gave a suggestion on how to make them (how he likes to make them). I said I didn’t know how to do that 🙂 He said he will teach me 🙂
I guess I will just ask him to teach me over the phone…and I will probably mention that next time we can try making them together? Or something like that?
Any other ideas you might have in this lock down situation? Really appreciate your insight and help!

Thank you!

Yana

[Myralys]

Hi, Heidi.
I see your point. Yes, I think it is better to start with my understanding of what I did wrong in the situation. I will definitely think about what is the best way to communicate it “with my own words”, but you have given me some wonderful ideas! Thank you.
I will have to find a good time, though…I feel that this “talk” has to happen organically. Even if it will take sime time to wait for the moment to arise.
For now, I still feel that the relationship is strained…we text, but not much. I know it has only been a few days, and he is having back problems, but I feel that we would have been communicating much more in the past. I am trying not to take it to heart too much, and definitely not to be a nuisance…but could he be retreating again? He has not texted me today yet…it is 5:30pm now.
Is there anything I can do besides sit and wait?

Thank you.
Yana

[Myralys]

Hi, Heidi.
Thank you so much for your response! And yes, you are absolutely right – the only way to deal with future problems (that I agree, will arise) is to work with MY responses to them. I did not look at it that way before, but am definitely examining it now. I really appreciate your thoughtful insight!
And I also realized that it is a particular situation that I am most sensitive to, and will need to work with MY feelings and my future responses. I will need to be more clear about my expectations Before a situation lile this may arise. It doesn’t help much to pout and disappear, I get that now 🙂
As for a “formal” talk about the previous situation, I am not sure that is the way to go in this case…men tend to hate having those conversations, and I have to say I am not a big fan of them either. I think it was pretty clear to both of us that we were hurt by each-others actions. Maybe its best to just let it go?

Thank you again for your help and understanding!

Yana

[Myralys]

Kanya, thank you so much for the advice!
He came by last night, about 7:30pm. His back is really hurting him, but he still dragged the box with monitors from his car.
I did basically what you mentioned in your comment – was nice, thankful for his help (and very happy about my new “home office”), and flirty.
After he set everything up we had a couple of drinks and coffee and talked about what has been going on in our lives. I mostly let him talk, because I know he enjoys making me laugh and telling stories.
Anyway, one thing let to another…we had sex. And then we talked more, and he showed me pictures from his recent trip.
We did speak about whether or not either of us had seen anybody else while we were apart. He said he didn’t have any intimate relations with anyone, even though there were possibilities. For some reason I said that I don’t really care if he did, even though of course I do care. Not sure where to place that…heat of the moment maybe.
Should I tell him at some point later that I actually do care?
Also, the relationship definitely feels different to me now. I don’t feel as connected to him as I did before. I think I don’t really trust him to not hurt me again…how should I deal with that?
I do not really want to talk about the situation we had, even though I did at some point mention that he shouldn’t have disappeared. I want to go forward. How do I get myself to trust him again?

Thank you so much for your help!

Yan

[Myralys]

Hello. Thank you for responding!
We did not take breaks before this time, and yes, I am pretty sure he was upset about me not reaching out to him too…
I did text him last night, thanking him for offering to help and saying that I understand how swamped he must be at work now.
He responded right away. Turns out I wasn’t clear enough on whether I wanted/needed his help 🙂
He started asking me questions about the specific issue right away (it has to do with setting up extra monitors for me to work on). And even offered a better solution (more monitors). He said he will bring them today. So, fingers crossed.
I am not going to discuss the previous situation or our relationship with him…i am really not sure where we stand at this point. Will have to see how he is going to act around me.
Any tips on how to behave?

Thank you!

Yana

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