[Tai C]

Hello Kanya,

I am taking your advice on focusing on myself and have found an online course on self-love.

I have another question: In several relationship online course I have read, they all stress the importance
of keeping my options open. Date several men at the same time until one of them wants to be exclusive with me.
If a man asks if I am dating or chatting with other men online, what should I say to him. Be honest with him
and say yes, you are not the only one?

Love to hear from you.

Karen

[Tai C]

Hi Kanya, I still keep thinking of this guy and wonder if I will ever find someone who touched my heart like he did.
Right now, it feels like he is the only guy. I have no interest of meeting anyone right now because even if
I find Him, I am not going to keep him. Do you think I will ever find another guy who can touch my heart the way
he did? Or after I transform my belief system and become a happier woman, My Mr. right in the future may not
be the same as now. What do you think? I would love to hear your opinions. Thank you so much for your help.

Karen

[Tai C]

Hello Kanya, Thanks for the feedback. I have been thinking really hard on what made him withdraw and put an end to our friendship.
My delay in responding to his text was just the beginning. After that,
we had 2 conversations on the phone. As I think back, he was sizing me up when we talked. I was honest and revealed my inner lack of confidence and
love due to my parents. Ever since I was a baby, my mom rarely hugged me or talked to me. My dad always told me to go away whenever I attempted to
reach him. I grew up like an orphan. I am not a happy and confident woman who craves love and attention.
For the first week, he showered me with caring and attention. I felt a deep connection with him when we talked.
I told him how my parents affect the way I am. I think the vibe I transmitted was not a happy and fun one.
But I don’t know what his dream girl is like. Even if I shed off my neediness and become and really happy, confident woman,
it does not guarantee he thinks we are compatible.

In reality, I am married but I have never loved my husband. My husband proposed to me 13 times, and I rejected him 12 times.
I told him I did not love him but he still wanted to marry me.
I married him because he was the only friend who cared for me. We have been married for 20 years. Everyday I wanted to divorce,
but I was afraid of being alone. I brought up divorce twice. The first time when I want back to my parents house, he was driving around aimlessly at midnight.
I was worried about him, so I went back to him. The second time when I brought up, I was crying so hard I quitted the idea. I had a boyfriend who was a married
man for 10 years. Every time when I said I wanted to divorce, he would tell me Not to Divorce until you find a man who you love. He said if a man truly likes me,
he wouldn’t mind the fact that I am still married. My husband never hugs or touches me. There is no sex in this marriage. I need lots of caring and attention, but
his way of showing love is buying me gifts, which is nice but doesn’t really touch my heart. He is ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). If I speak more than
3 sentences, he starts looking at his iPhone or switch the topic. I have felt very lonely in this relationship. The reason why this marriage has lasted for 20 years
is because my husband does not judge me, and accepts the way I am. He is not jealous and gives me lots of freedom. After knowing I have been on tinder, he even
said it’s good to have friends. He knows I will leave him when I find someone I love.

I have two problems now. First, I need to change my mindset from victims to a happy woman who can be happy on her own. I have purchased all ebooks from A New Mode
and Nick Bastion and Irresistible. I know I am a needy person who is not happy and confident and is constantly seeking validation from others. How long do you
think it’s going to take. Since I am not working now, I can spend 2 hours per day studying the materials and think of ways to apply.

Secondly, I am not financially independent and cannot divorce now. I resigned from my teaching job 3 years ago because I suffered from major depression.
It’s going to take another 6 months for me to fully be healed. Then I need to find a new teaching job so that I can save up enough money to be on my own.
So my question is:
Should I continue to seek for relationship outside of marriage? (But then I have to explain lots of details to the new guy I meet)
Should I seek for relationship Only After I am divorced.
When is a good time for me to divorce?

Please give me your advice. You have been so helpful. Thank you so much.

Love,

Karen

[Author]

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