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Hi Kanya,
Well you are right. I want to give him enough space to miss the us. Or when we do interact to be fun. I don’t want to go back to the old relationship. If we did get a chance again. I want to let him know he has to want it. Yes. to date – very slow, no physical intimacy. Just get to know each other all over again. I forgive and let it go. But he has to. This is where I blew it. I was acting like it did when we were in love….. I can’t do that. I will have to wait till he calls me to see me. He does have a wonderful side, a caring, thoughtful side. This man has been hurt. His childhood, his father, – Rejection. Crazy shit has happen to him… He didn’t even show up to his divorce. He was so devastated. He said he just died. Then he claims he found Jesus. but when I read the bible there are parts that he has lost his way again. I do pray that he forgives. He has to in order to move on. I do love him that much. He does know that I am sure. I know he loves me, but I am not sure if he was ever in love with me. Or if he knows what that is.
So yes. I still do hope to go to Maui with him and just have a great time. Maybe we can start a new bond, maybe not. I am not going to talk about us. I am just going to get stronger. We actually travel really well together. Yes will it be painful – it will open up more wounds when we get back sure. But that is the chance I have to take.
MichelleWell Heidi, I would like to say we would heal and create a new better relationship. I would not treat him the way I did. I can only speak for myself and be a better girlfriend. If I did get a chance to be in his life again I would want to take it slow and not go back to what we were. But I don’t know how to let him know that. He has such memories of control. I don’t want that. I truly want him to be the man and to take the lead. How do I want him to give me another chance.
MichelleHI Heidi,
Who knows. 2 months is a long ways away. Ben is a softy around me. He can’t be mean infront of me. But boy he can be an ass when he is infront of his friends. No integrity there. I won’t change. I have never said a mean word except the night he moved out. I called him a coward. I don’t want to be that person that says something I regret. I regret enough about that night. He was willing to work on us but I couldn’t trust him. I want to know if he wants us together again it is not for me it is for him. He always came back for me, as he says. In a week or so he will have to be over again to get the rest of his outside stuff. I am not even going to give his results about his quad battery as he is back to not responding. So I am not texting him, nothing. It is strange, I offer my help, but when I ask for his he sees it differently. You are right. I just won’t ask for anything.
It is hard because we have alot of ties – we still have a trailer up north that we have to un winterize and get some of his stuff out. I guess I will just wait to see if we go to Maui. I won’t push the issue. I call the lady that runs the park and let her know I will be late.
I pray for him honestly I really do love him and he does have a great side but when he turns dark I have empathy. I love and miss his children so. I did make the horrible mistake, I felt betrayed by them and that is on me. It was not their fault that they were prompting their father to get back with their mother. They were just being children, manipulated by their mother. She is another narsistic one, but married again. He really came down on me for accusing fault with his little girls , I get that.We have since made amends and the girls love and miss me. But he won’t let me see them.
MichelleHi Kanya, well Roger texted me and said he would try to swing by Monday to pick up the package. Tuesday was the day I was not going to be home. Monday was my day to be working out in the yard. I was not going to reschedule my days because of him. Well. He didn’t text me he just showed up. I ignored him and said he wasn’t trying to take the “low road” since I always take the high road. I just remarked, I didn’t care. I and kept weeding. He was loading some stuff then he would come back and ask me more questions. Then he helped me pick the rest of the lemons off my tree. He talked about his personal life issues with his son’s mom, custody stuff. Then he told me that he never cancelled his flight to Maui that we could still go as friends if we didn’t let our emotions get in the way. This is 2 months away. We leave April 22nd. We talked about his new change of lifestyle , meaning his diet and his weight loss and he has less inflammation. He was explaining recipes, etc… I am so confused. I really think he is going through some mid life crisis.
I love this man and his children so I am willing to let him go and just heal myself. I understand if we are ever going to have a chance we can’t go back to our old relationship we have to have a new one. But he has to let go of the past and forgive. I am not the one that hurt him or took advantage of him. I don’t like chaos.
You are right, he uses me to help him but he is not willing to help me. Like I offered to take the battery in for his quad. Then when I asked him to help me sell my boat he said he didn’t trust himself. I told him, he should give himself more credit.
He left and that was it. He is back to no contact. I won’t text him.
I want to work on me. I did mention to him that my happiness didn’t evolve around him. He just looked at me.Michelle
A package came for him yesterday. If it wasn’t for the package, I wouldn’t have seen y roof leak. I texted him that I was sorry to bother him, but he received a package from Groupon last night. He texted back this morning that he would come by Tuesday to leave it out front , no need to reply. I have not.
What should I do? I have other things that are his that can’t be left out front. He will be moving into another house in a week or so.
Is there any chance for us?
MichelleThank you Heidi.
Well you are right, he does have stuff he will need to move out in a week or so. I did text him if he needed a spare alarm clock for the kids. OH boy….. OK – I will go radio silent. or text silent.
Yes I am seeking counsel. I am just afraid he will forget about the love we do have. We do have a bond and a connection. In secret obession, I could never find it. But when is a good time to reach out to him, the words I should use to make him wanting me back in his life. Honestly Heidi. I would love to start out as friends again. But would at least help my pain. The fact that he doesn’t respond. He once told me when he left over Thanksgiving was he needed time to heal. Heal from what? He is the one who left. Sure after I did something stupid. I grabbed his phone, he said I was looking for more ways to hate him…. I could never hate him. It is just back in August we were going through a very rough spot and he was pulling away and basically broke up, but he was staying in the bedroom and his children were still here every other weekend. I asked him if he told any of his friends. He looked right at me and said no. I knew better. First time ever. I am not that girl, but this made me so insecure. I read his phone while he was in the shower. This is when he texted his X- the words, now she is married keep in mind. She stated I am sorry it didn’t work out with her. He replied I never loved her. She stated love is over rated- do you want to have an affair? – He hates this woman but feels tied to her from the children. I remember it almost destroyed him when he got divorced. He told me later then he did love me- and he would never go back to her. He wanted to make it work. But I did I needed time to trust him again. He felt as if I was punishing him if I brought something up. I just needed to hear his assurances. He gave them here and there. But the night I needed it most was on Thanksgiving . I was spiraling. That is when I grabbed his phone for the second and last time. We had just a great talk a night before, but he was doing tings right infront of me- or at least I thought.
So I ask – I will give him his space and work on me. My last text was today asking him if he wanted an alarm clock. So Stupid of me.
Why does the book secret obsession state otherwise? Forget the primal instinct. I originally texted him that I needed his help. He didn’t even respond.What should I do. I am sure you hear this alot. I know he has a lot of issues. But I do love him and accept him.
My divorce did’t even hurt this much. I pray for God to release my soul ties with him. I cry every morning and during the day.we are great together. I do want him back. Stupid I know.
Thanks for hearing me out.
Michelle
I wish you all made phone calls. Sometimes a voice of reason is good.
Have a great day.
