[Roxanne C]

Hi Heidi,

We had a talk about the polar sides of affection and its just his processing. So we came up with a plan to communicate that when he or I are in it. The conversation went really well. After he made comments about how sexy it was that I know myself so well and can communicate that. We had a good weekend following that but now it’s weird again and my intuition is screaming at me.

He hasn’t made mush of an effort to find a new job. I figured the first week or so was just pricessing and re evaluate what he wants to do as he wanted to shift careers since oil and gas is so unpredictable. So I was being supportive but now I feeling like I’m giving too much and he’s pulling away again. He hasn’t found a new job and has been very slow to do anything about it. It seems odd considering how broken up he was about loosing the job.
He shows all the signs of wanting the relationship and treats me exceptionally well with regards to respect and curtousy. He even dotes. Which is awesome as I am so not used to that. However, my instinct is to pull back a bit and be less available but that is playing games. So I figured I would just talk to him again and tell him what my intuition is saying. Just not sure if the best approach.

[Roxanne C]

Thank you and yes that works. I will keep that in mind when he opens up like that again.

I have one last question. We seem to be back into the “relationship” side of things now and he messages all the time and never delays in answering but when we’re together he flip flops between being super affectionate and chatty to very quiet and almost distant even when he’s asked me to come over.

What is that all about? I’m trying to play it cool and not let it bother me. I’m trying to do the curiosity and hero instinct thing but we’ve been together just over 3 months now. Is he still deciding if I’m what he wants? I mean he’s talking about meeting my kids and had started mentions stuff about committed relationships and living together d9wnnthe road so I’m just a bit confused with the bouts of extreme quietness.

Thanks.

[Roxanne C]

Thanks for the response. The approach worked, this are back to moving forward. He told me last night we wants me in his life and said he realized that there is a connection far deeper than he was willing to acknowledge but it’s time to do that. Then this morning I told him I was really happy to hear him say what he did. He said he meant all of it and wants me in his life but is still worried he has nothing to offer. I told him that what he has to offer isn’t all about money and there is so much more to him than that. He didn’t say too much to that.

So tonight I’m re reading this here instinct and realized that’s one of the three things mentioned. So I made list for myself of more specific things he has already offered and had the idea of using to curiosity method to bring it up to reopen that part so I can be a bit more specific without “reading a list”.

However, I’m not generally very good at the curiosity thing as I’m generally just straight forward. What’s a good way to do that with this situation?

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