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Yes it makes sense to step back and I have. I try not to talk to him or ask any questions. if he asks me for input I will give it but other than that I’m not mentioning anything about it.
It really hurts that he didnt reciprocate my feelings but I am trying not to be selfish. I’ve backed off significantly and may try to back off even more. Just kind of let him talk to me about it not the other way around
The other odd thing is this girl is in another state and on her social media profile she still is listed as being in a relationship. He has not questioned her on that either as to why if she broke up with someone she still claims to be in a relationship. Would there be reasons for that that I’m not aware of?
That makes more sense. What Im concerned about is the way he presented it to me was that she would want him to accept everything about her no matter if it’s something that’s against his core values or not. So most of the stuff I got from what I read but also from what he told me her expectations were of him, or at least that’s how he presented it to me. And he didnt even know what emotional intimacy is until I told him. Heck I have emotional intimacy with him because we are friends and I’ve told him very personal things about me. But he doesnt know that that is what it is if that makes sense. So because he has a lack of understanding and doesnt seem to want to attempt to understand she has asked him for something he doesnt know if its accurate or not because he doesnt know about it.
Heidi, I’m in no way expecting anything from him. My expectations have lowered. I found out from him that this girl actually lives in another state and she already has talked to him about emotional intimacy. I’m unfamiliar with that but what I’ve read is that’s more for marriage? Also does it mean you have to accept the person no matter what even if it would compromise values or your own feelings? I got the impression that it kind of doesnt allow for you to leave the relationship if you choose to for whatever reason? Can you explain this to me. All the things I stated I got from research and I want to make sure things are accurate. Because I feel if what I’ve read is correct shes baiting him into a relationship he wont be “allowed” to get out of.
Heidi I had a 2 hour conversation with my brother about this yesterday and he brought up good points. I’m now at peace about it. He reminded me that if I’m his friend I need to support him and encourage him even if I feel hes making a mistake. He then reminded me that if I support and encourage him he will remember it and if something does go wrong I would be the first person he comes to. So I decided since hes going to do his own thing anyway to let him and just be here for him with whatever he needs.
Hi Heidi,
Yes I understand what you are saying. I was only referring to being there for him as far as listening and so forth and nothing more than that.
Heidi,
When you put it that way you’re right. I’m going to let him go down his own path. Would it be okay though for me to be there for him when all the pieces need to be picked up so to speak?
I am his friend and I want what is best for him. That’s all I’m looking for. Hes a great guy but has his blinders on right.now. I just want to still be there for him when this goes south.
Heidi,
Everyone I have spoken with says this is a bad idea. I really feel he will lose all his friends because of this girl. It’s hard for me to be at peace because I know hes making a mistake and I know our friendship is going to be done because this girl will make sure of it. And this isnt the first time I’ve given him advice and he didnt heed it and he got burned.
Hi,
I do like the idea except that he gives my daughter bowling lessons and since she loves it so much I dont want to take that away from her. So how can I still follow through with this boundary but at the same time continue to let her do something she loves?
`Heidi,
My husband and I were married for 11 years and I have 2 children ages 7 and 5.
What he said is he wants to get to know her first then ask her to hang out. Now he has a lot of female friends that he hangs out with but he doesnt have relations with anyone but me and he talks to me and sees me more than all his other female friends. His past relationship was only 1 girlfriend and she broke up with him because she didnt love him. He has not cheated and is very honest.
I was actually quite defensive with him and harsh when I asked him about the situation. However since then we haven’t fought and have had no change in our relationship in a negative way.
I have asked him and he tells me hes not ready for a relationship but yet treats me very differently than his other female friends and is becoming invested in my kids. So I’m not sure what to think.
I’m afraid he will react negatively if I come out and ask him
