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Hi, so everything went well with the surgery. I just got home a little bit ago. The day of the surgery my guy was pretty worried. He texted my father for updates and was very relieved to know I was ok. We talked on the phone that night for almost two hours. He has been really attentively texting me the whole trip and has kept saying he wishes he could be with me and can’t wait to see me. He gets home tomorrow/Tuesday morning around 3am and wants to crawl into bed with me he says so I’ll see him soon.
I have been trying to do as you advised and compliment him on how he’s helped me even from afar.
I have to admit here though, I’ve had some tough moments the last couple days. Emotionally as well as physically. Even after the surgery was successful, I was dealing with some physical pain and just basic recovery. I’m sure that made me feel needy and vulnerable. I just wanted him here. And I just was thinking-I wish he would have chose to stay. And I found emotions like anger and sadness creeping in. I didn’t communicate them but I’m admitting here I felt them…..As far as harboring things….my guy and I are so different. I always want to talk things through. I’m an analyzer. He doesn’t talk a lot about feelings. If he’s upset he needs space. We’ve had some lingering stuff that re-emerges from time to time but for the most part, it seems we’ve worked through those things….but I’d say my insecurities play a negative role in things and how he reacts to them doesn’t help.
I’ve taken the mindset on I shouldn’t be going to him with my insecurities…cuz who wants to be constantly having to reassure someone? That’s not a fun thing. And it puts to much pressure on him. I need to figure out how to work through my insecurities on my own.However, after a few drinks…if there’s any existing tension then I tend to let things come spilling out in a real nasty way. A little over a month ago I did this and when he got upset I wasn’t really listening and then he wanted space and I acted really dramatic and wouldn’t give it to him. That led to a hell week of no real communication and him saying he didn’t know what he wanted to do. And when I asked to talk about it he said he didn’t see the point.
But then as we so often do, we found ourselves back together once he had enough time to work through his thoughts alone.
So this happening just a couple weeks before he left town probably also effected my thought process….We’ve been messaging this evening and it’s been pleasant and he’s saying he’s excited to see me. I have a lot to do tomorrow and I’ll be slow at it all because I’m still recovering so I imagine the day will pass quickly but I am trying to make time to reflect on how I need to be when he returns. I’ll be happy to see him and I’m sure that will show.
(Just a side note, in case you’re thinking it, I’ve decided after what happened last month to cut out more than two drinks in an evening ever going forward. I’m not a regular drinker and obviously don’t handle my emotions well when I do so that’s my new rule.)
Yes. You’re right. I ended up being admitted to the hospital tonight and he called me and we both cried a little and he told me the ways he’d take care of me when he gets home in a few days and he said I’m sorry I’m not there with you and I said it’ll be ok and just focused on talking about the things we are going to do when he gets back. I think I’ll feel better tomorrow. Thank you.
