[Gina P]

Hi Spyce,

Thank you for your response.

That is a great question that you ask. It made me really reflect. Here is my answer:

He is an intellectual equal, I don’t feel the need to hide or make extra effort to make him feel smart. In fact, he teaches me about things I don’t know.

We are in similar fields but are very different. He is business-oriented, which is completely opposite of how I function, and I find this very intriguing and admirable in some ways because I don’t have those strengths.

When I share things about my life, he seems to understand and gives me advice. I’m still gauging how his advice holds up, etc, but so far, I feel comfortable sharing things.

He also seems to like me! I would very much accept advances from someone who likes me, then go after those who I like.

I did tell him about how I felt spooked about his use of “babe” because that’s a boyfriend-girlfriend thing, and he said that he used it as a flirty term, but he won’t use it if I don’t like it. He asked me if I’m afraid to get into relationships, I said no, I’m just very cautious. I told him that I’m seeing other people for serious reasons, not casual. He told me that he doesn’t have female friends, he is not interested in being “friend zoned”. I told him he’s free to talk to and see others, but if so, I’m out. We both confirmed we’re not talking to or seeing other people.

These are the positive, but of course there are things to be further worked out.

Your point regarding the differing political and ethical views is well-taken. Would you expand on this further?

As well, would you have any specific advice regarding number 5 from my previous post?

Thank you

[Gina P]

Hi there,

Thank you for your advice.

Things have evolved and I need your advice again.

To provide an update, I reached out again and we’ve reconnected, going at a pace I’m comfortable with. I prefer to start things of as platonic as possible and he has provided support as I share things going on in my life, listening to me and offering advice and solutions. In this respect, I am enjoying his presence and getting to know him. Again, my purpose of dating is eventually marriage, I’m not looking for anything casual.

However, there are a few things that sit uncomfortably on the back of my mind and I need advice on how to address them and communicate them to him, if that’s what I need to do.

1. He called me “babe” but I’m not sure if we are boyfriend/girlfriend.
As I said above, things were feeling platonic but also clear that he was interested romantically without overdoing it. Yesterday, he called me “babe”, which was a jump from how things were previously. He has not talked about exclusivity yet, so I feel uncomfortable with him calling me babe because that is something I would only reserve for someone who is committed to me, or at least a boyfriend. We met online, so I don’t know if he is talking to or seeing other people.

2. How to discuss religious dealbreakers
We decided to take a few steps back and allow things to naturally unfold. However, we have not discussed our dealbreakers, which you recommended is a smart thing to do. How do I discuss them? I am religious, and dealbreaker for me is someone is atheist with no open heart or mind to God. As well, we have political differences. He himself brought up that he is watching a debate on pro-abortion and pro-life. He says “he loves seeing leftists get mad [about abortion]” but that he “also hates the right”. He hasn’t directly stated his stance, but I am wondering if our differences in this issue will be a dealbreaker.

3. Doubt
Because we met online, we are getting to know each other with no background information. I have no mutual friends or references to base anything off of. He drives a very nice car, but I noticed that the car key had a paper tag on it — like one you would either see after your car was serviced or if your car was a rental. He has alluded to the fact that he bought the car… I don’t want to be rude to ask if his car is a rental or not, but I would like to know if it was. I don’t really care about the type of car he drives, but I do care if he is renting cars when going on dates to try and impress.

4. Gentlemanly acts
It makes me feel special when men do little things like offer you the inside / more comfortable seat or walk next to the traffic on the sidewalk (so you are next to him and not cars on the road). I don’t think he is very in tune with these things, he does not do them at all, and I don’t feel special, in fact, I feel the opposite. If I asked him to do these things, I feel like he would but I don’t want to criticize him.

Should I communicate these things with him? If so, what would be the best wording / approach to communicate these things?

Thank you in advance.

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