[E B]

The only thing about blocking him is that I haven’t told him yet.
I googled it and found out that the person being blocked doesn’t know they are being blocked.
He’s not a bad man, he’s ok as a person, and part of me feels it’s a bit extreme to totally block him.
Often, people usually block someone because this person has been insulting, toxic, abusive and/or online trolls.
Paul has been none of these things. Yes, he’s unreliable, and the relationship we had was totally going nowhere, he’s not for me.
I’ll carry on blocking him, (I’ll leave the email facility open, because as a union activist it is necessary to communicate sometimes), but the question is: do I tell him about it, eg via email?
X X

[E B]

I feel fairly peaceful about blocking him, but sometimes I would so love to know what he might be saying in messages, if he has sent any at all.
I sent him an email about trade union business 3 days ago. It was quite formal and I’ve received no reply so far.
I’ve started to give up smoking today and it feels ok so far.
I feel so lucky to have such good friends and a fulfilling life generally.
xx

[E B]

I have now blocked Paul, both on what’s app and normal text messages. I’ve literally eaten vegetables, I love them.
I have two friends round and we are eating roast chicken and a variety of yummy vegetables. I love cooking!
I feel ok about blocking him. You gave me a wake up call!
Neither of us have communicated with each other since Tuesday, so that’s 4 days so far.
One reason I was reluctant to block him was because I was curious to know what he would say.
But I no longer want to feed the addiction.
X 😘 X

[E B]

Need to do stuff I meant to say!

[E B]

Wonderful metaphor!
Have to keep this short, need to stuff.
Will most probably write more later xx

[E B]

Good questions!
Tonight I went to a fantastic meeting about Cuba, and gave a lift to someonee I have known for a while as an aquaintance. We got on really well, had a lot in common and, get this, he’s an excellent listener.
When I arrived home my lodger said Jon always told him that he liked me and thought I was a wonderful person.
It has almost made me forget about Paul.
Jon and I will meet again to go to another meeting and I’m sure we will enjoy each others company again.
So I need to either not contact Paul apart from union business, when I’ll just email him.
Or block him.
I don’t know why, but I’m still not ready to do this. But I must if I’m going to move forward and give this man a chance.
Tonight or tomorrow, instead of re-reading his nice texts, I will make a full list of the things he has done that have made this affair totally unworkable.
And watch Ted again. Thank you soo much for sending me the link.
xx

[E B]

Yes, I had a lovely meal.
I was on my way back from visiting my best friend in Ludlow, Shropshire, stopping at Tintern Abbey, in Wales. It is a beautiful part of the country, if ever you come to Britain I recommend that you visit this area.
I dined alone and shared my breakfast with my dog Jess. I often dine with friends, but also enjoy dining alone.
Ta for your response to my submission XX

[E B]

I submitted something and can’t see it.
What I said was that you are absolutely 100% right about my addiction.
I watched Ted last night and I’m doing exactly what he is saying. That is I keep on looking at the nice texts he’s sent me.
But one thing I’ve been very firm about with myself and him is that I’m not going to arrange to see him again. He thinks we will sleep together and I’ve told him no way.
Why wd I want to if he is so unreliable?
Why wd I be satisfied with the crumbs he only offers me?
So I enjoy receiving his texts. These are the possible next steps: to either lean back and not text him. Or firmer still, block him, which I’m not ready to do.
But I must.
We have the same values and work together regarding trade union issues, and County Council work.
He should be moving to Southampton, in the south of England, in September to do a PhD in metreology. I’ve told him we won’t see each other again because I don’t wish to arrange any further meetings.
So I must keep reminding myself that our texting is an addiction. I’m sure I can fill the hole in different enjoyable ways.
Something is stopping me.
I need to be brave and loving towards myself and go cold turkey.
X 😘 X

[E B]

Open not option meant to write!
You are absolutely 100% right about my attitude and actions towards Paul!
Must go and will hopefully get back to you later x x

[E B]

They are not in an option relationship and have been faithful to one another for 25 years. Maybe I didn’t make this clear enough.
Will add more later. Am eating lovely food in a great restaurant. X X

[E B]

My friend is telling me to be very careful regarding my contact with Paul. To beware of crying wolf too often, because that is what I have done a few times over the past few months. She says it wouldn’t be a good idea to sleep with him again, and notices that I appear very tempted, which regretfully I think she is right.
Yet the one thing I have been sticking to firmly is to absolutely AVOID making arrangements to meet up and see him, even though part of me dearly wants to.
Another thing is that, learning from his past behaviour ,and patterns, sleeping with him would be disastrous. The thrill of the chase will be gone and he’ll (I’m virtually 100% certain), he will blow hot and cold.
The major problem now is that I enjoy him chasing me via texts.
I’ve always enjoyed our friendship. But there is a big risk here of not being open to new and fundamentally better relationships. To not being aligned with who I am – as you’ve said. It’s a very powerful message that you have given me.
I am finding comfort in the familiar. It feels very nice.
But my life in general feels a hell of a lot better! Good friends, lovely home, Glastonbury is a fantastic town to live in, and so many many other wonderful things.
I’m more than capable of filling the hole that will be left if block him.
I’m still not ready, but think it may be necessary very soon.
I’m wasting time and energy on a person who is fundamentally not right for me and doesn’t really care about me, and has never been there for me.
I think he may be a narcissist. Bad listener, not much empathy, etc.
Thank you so much for listening to me and your, as always, words of wisdom.
Best,
Eva xx

[E B]

I am still very drawn to Paul on a deep level. I’m sure this will end. I did message him about union work we have in common yesterday. And unfortunately, (I’m extremely embarrassed about this), I wished him a happy d
father’s day today.
I’ve just got to stop this!
Leaning back is a very peaceful thing to do. It requires no decision making bar one, ie to keep leaning back.
This is my greatest struggle at the moment.
Hope you are both well xx

[E B]

I have to disagree with you on one thing Heidi. Unless I’ve misunderstood what you have written.
Just because my friend does not live with her lover, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t relate to him on a very deep level. They have been together for 25 years and are deeply committed to one another.
Are you saying that the only “proper” meaningful, ‘correct’ and committed loving relationship is when two people live with one another, & even better, married?
There are many people out there who live with one another in a traditionally committed relationship and get divorced long before 25 years of marriage.
But of course, reading further down I see that you mention polyamory and are quite accepting of this.
Sorry I’ve got a bee in my bonnet about all this.
One of my friends has lived with her bloke for about 20 years in Bristol. Two years ago she decided to move to Glastonbury. Since then she has said that it has improved their relationship no end.
Maybe I feel so sore because you have possibly pressed one of my crumple buttons?!
I’m tired so I’ll be brief.
I’m still drawn to Paul like a moth to a flame.
My friend tells me that I must absolutely move on from him in order to be open to others, for example the man I went out with on Thursday, who seems to have all the qualities that Paul lacks, eg reliability.
I meet a lot of men due to all the trade union and political work I engage in.
But of course what is more important is the way I relate to myself.
I truly love myself in and feel very grateful for all the wonderful things I have in my life.

[E B]

Thank you Heidi.
It will be tempting to contact him again.
My girlfriends are a huge source of solace and are good listeners.
One of the reasons for me having casual sex is to do with my best friend, (who I am visiting tomorrow for a few days).
Over the years she has always made it clear from the start that she is solely interested in having sex. This makes men go absolutely wild with lust and they want to commit to her.
She is 72 and has been with her present lover for 25 years. He totally adores her.
She prefers to live alone and describes herself as a sociable hermit.
Frankly, it’s not just men who fall in love with her, almost everybody does. She has such a good sense of humour, is kind, wonderful to be around an has a sharp intellect. It’s not romantic it’s about feeling good in her company.
So my conundrum is, I often think and hope that when I have casual sex the same will happen to me. I go all out to be a fantastic lover, to turn men on very much. And they appreciate it when I enjoy myself and have powerful orgasms. (Sorry, this is a bit personal, but relevant).
Paul, for example, told me again and again how much he was turned on by me, how he loves my full breasts and other things about my figure. He also says quite often that he admires my intellect.
So where did I go wrong? At 67 I’m a confident person and have little trouble attracting men, young or old. People say I look a lot younger, like someone in their 50s.
I have been getting to know a good man.I intend to be friends with him for a long time so that I can find out what he’s really like.
Our conversations are easy we are comfortable in each other’s company.
Even just having him as a friend feels great.
Sorry again about all the personal stuff, but I thought it was relevant and appropriate xx

[E B]

Oh, I made a mistake regarding what you wrote. Your suggestion was to let it all out to yourselves, in a safe way.
I’m sure this would have been just as useful.
Best,
Eva xx

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