[Sakura]

Dear Kanya,

Excellent questions.

Thank you for giving so much thought to our situation.

I will answer as soon as I have a bit more time.

Till then – thank you so much for your care.

Stay blessed,
Sakura

[Sakura]

Good evening, Kanya, thank you for patiently reading my thoughts.

Why did I choose to trust him?

Till to this very day, he always treated me like his Queen. He has been a wonderful man to me.
Maybe he has been a wonderful man to others as well. But he always gave me the feeling I am everything to him, the love of his life. And I want to appreciate that, give value to that.

After all, he has a lot on his plate, and so do I. The circumstances of our being together are all but easy. Our love story is all but conventional.
We don’t really go on classical dates, because we can’t. I am fighting at court every 2 weeks, going through hell, and he has a very difficult situation in our company. He has been harassed to the extent that his heart seized beating and he almost lost his life, as I related above.
And even though we can hardly ever spend time together, he checks on me several times a day, he cares about my baby girls, my parents, and me, he worries. And whenever we have a little bit of time, never much, just a little, we feel so overwhelmed and happy, words can’t describe.

What do I expect from the future?

Either he will hurt me badly. Thing is, I can take a lot. I will probably suffer for quite a long time, until I have enough and walk away.

Or we will write a unique love story and prove everybody wrong who prophecies that we can never last, and live the eternal honeymoon.

I chose to trust him because I am as curious as you, and I want to try and find out.

We girls have this secret power of love… you know what I am talking about, right?

We let men think they chose us and they pursued us and they conquered us.
But in reality, we chose them, and we let them pursue us, and we surrender to them. It’s our choice, and they’ve got our kind authorization to court us.

I chose to stay with him, because I still believe that love can make miracles happen.

He might not be able to resist trying to have multiple girls.
But I believe that we can create a feeling of uniqueness, of “coming home”, that they only have when they are with us, and with no one else. And that this feeling is exclusive. All rights reserved. For you and your man.

That’s why… and because I love him more than words can say.

Sending over a big hug.

[Sakura]

Dear Kanya, thank you so much for your warm welcome and your understanding.

You asked a few key questions, and I will try to answer to the best of my ability.

Yes, sometimes, all feels unreal to me.

Just for you to get a more detailed picture: My sister is from Kenya, her „brother“, as I mentioned, a very charismatic, tall and good looking black man, originally from Haiti. I am an exotic mix: Mom Japanese with Hawaiian roots, Dad Austrian who spend the best time of his life as Missionary in Asia, strong cultural influence from Latin America due to my friends, and my first husband who was a pure Native from Peru, and my second husband, who is from Brazil. I spent some time in Brazil to make a documentary in the favelas, and I endulge in both the African and Latin American culture. At the same time, I am a proud European, whose dream was always to one day live in America. I love people and their cultures.
The lady my man was seeing before and during our romance is a black beauty from Kenya.

So Wednesday was my birthday, my man and me spent it together.
Thursday she approached me and told me.
According to her, she finished it that very day. According to him, he finished it long ago. The only coherent fact within the two stories is that she tried to arrange dates, and he would try to make excuses and would not go.

According to her, she knew of other girls and always confronted him.
She just didn’t know about me. And of course, I was clueless about any of the others.
The fact that it was me, her friend, hurt her the most. And to be honest, that was what shocked me the most as well.
We took care of each other’s kids, we went hiking together. And it’s impossible he didn’t figure out we were friends.
I thought about it one night.
Friday morning he left me a long voice message, as I didn’t feel like talking.
And I asked him the question about the authenticity of his feelings.

I don’t know much about his past relationships. My husband was a very controlling person, who checked in my in half hour intervals, checked my mails, my messages, my journal, my draft of a novel I was writing on. So I am a firm believer of freedom as one of the fundamentals of love. If you love, let your man or your girl loose. If he or she comes back to you, he or she is yours… maybe forever.

So I would not try to investigate or find out anything about my man’s past. He lives to talk and tell me stories, and I simply enjoy listening. He told me his divorce was traumatic. He was married to a Swedish lady, she is a bit older than him, and has a fairly high position within our organization. They have two girls.
He told me that the problems started when someone sent his wife pictures of him in a bar. I didn’t ask what kind of pictures, but it is presumable that they showed him in a compromising situation with another girl. He said she threw him out of the house. He slept in one of their cars for two weeks, in the bitter cold of an Austrian winter. She sold all his other cars and made him go through hell in divorce, herself being a lawyer. She must have been very hurt.

My friend he was with told me another story: a long time ago he had been together with a study friend of hers, and mistreated her so badly, that she had enough of men for the rest of her life and decided to be happy with women. This friend of hers warned her when seeing them both together. But she did not want to listen. Now she is here, with a broken heart.

So yes, I don’t think this is the first time. And though I believe we are all unique, and he will never encounter anyone like me, he might like to have an adventure with someone else alongside me.
It would be good for him if I never learned about it. At least not from an outsider. If he himself comes to me and tells me, I might be capable of forgiving him. Above all, he should be his true self to me at all times. And this I made clear to him: I need no help from another woman to love my man.

He is always shocked when I insinuate I could leave him. He always pleads: Please, let us never cross that bridge. And he asked me not to talk about my friends and all their denounciations.

I deliberately chose to trust him, despite all the accusations. But it doesn’t come naturally to me. Effort from my side is involved to put trust in his words and feelings.

You‘ll probably tell me there are plenty of red flags, and I need to be careful about the feelings I invest.
I am aware, but I am not the kind of person who can feel things halfway. Everything I feel and do it intense and passionate. So will probably be the pain one day.
On the other hand, it has never before happened to me that a man walked away from me. They all just had it too comfortable. It was always me who had enough and walked away. And when I did, I felt no regrets. I invested myself. That was my choice. It didn’t work out. And that’s alright. There’s always the hope of a new beginning. Tomorrow, the sun will rise again.
Now you say: I am a hopeless case, right? 😘
Lots of love to you.

[Author]

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