[Surendra T]

This makes sense. I honestly don’t think I knew early on the previous narcissists were narcissists but I feel there were certain traits I may have overlooked such as controlling behaviour and being overly critical. I’m wondering what green flags to look for in someone that would be a good partner early on? Thinking about the anti-social nature I did notice in those narcissists. The current guy I’m seeing seems anti-social as well. I’m thinking that a person with healthy relationships with family and friends may be good to look out for.

To be honest I think I’m not sure because I don’t necessarily trust my judgement but I am naturally very skeptical of new relationships. Also figured since him and I are both 30s in may be reasonable to want to settle down soon. I’m still not totally sure what green flags to look for.

Thank you for the detailed reply!

[Surendra T]

Sorry. To clarify this is someone new who I have been chatting with via a dating app and on the phone. It is very early but we met through a marriage website so he is already discussing marriage & children. I will be meeting him end of June. I am currently visiting family so haven’t had a chance to have a date in person. I don’t know if he is a narcissist so would be good to know that too.

Yes I want children too. I am willing to do everything that it takes. I even have a plan from my doctors on how to approach it.

He is being very serious very early on because I believe he wants to settle down soon. I have had a chat with his mom who seemed to like me and he even wants me to meet his parents when I am back. Honestly I don’t know if this is all moving too fast. I do want to get married but certainly not to the wrong person. Is it a red flag that he is in a rush? I thought most men really took their time before committing.

Sorry for all the questions. Hope I clarified some things. Thank you for your time.

[Surendra T]

Answer to 1:
He has the following traits which are those of a narcissist:
-he has an inflated sense of self
-obsessed with success
-need for a lot of compliments
-engages in love bombing only to then make condescending remarks
-lacks empathy
-highy sensitive to criticism but critical himself
-overconfident in his belief to do anything

Answer to 2:
He is an ex but I believe I have dated two guys like this. I realise about a year into the relationship. I just don’t want to repeat the pattern. I am single at the moment.

Answer to 3:
I don’t realise they have these tendencies until much later on for some reason. I am not sure if there are certain red flags that would stand out that could prevent me from entering such relationships.

Answer to 4:
Sadly I think they remind me of my dad and brother who both have similar traits. Seem very intelligent, able to provide, protective and able to handle any challenge. I feel I am drawn to people with those traits because that makes me feel safe and secure in terms of who I want as a partner.

Answer to 5:
Yes. Dad and brother.

Marriage material:
I think it is about finding someone that supports you with your goals, is family oriented, works hard and is intelligent. I think intelligence is high on the list for me because I am quite smart (not a brag just trying to provide information) so I want to look up to my partner to be able to respect them for what they do and have full faith they can provide & be a good parent.

What are your thoughts on what I should focus on? Am I wrong here?

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