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Heidi,
Wow, examples, so many haha The biggest thing was that my dad was SCARY growing up. My siblings and I NEVER knew what we would be in trouble for each day but it was always something. We never spoke up, we never did anything, we just did what we were told day in and day out. I feel that because I was scared to say anything to my dad, or stand up for myself, it has overflown into adulthood. I have a really hard time standing up for myself. I am a yes woman. Any time someone asks me to do something I say yes, even if I dont want to do it. In most relationships I have been walked all over and never said what was on my mind. When I was younger, my relationships were always abusive. But my dad was as well and for a long time that was a normal relationship behavior to me. I have been working on doing what makes me happy but I have realized that the way I was as a child has still hung with me in adulthood. I do not show much emotion, I dont really know how to at this point. I almost feel dumb when I try to show affection or emotion.Hi Melissa,
I actually used to be like this. I would make plans and confirm and then last minute I would flake. After a while people stopped inviting me so I had to earn back their trust that I would show when I said I would. I think alot of it came from immaturity and I actually had to work on keeping plans when I made them lol I agree with Kanya though. This is a very disrespectful habit to have and it does show that he didnt care about how you felt about the situation. I was this person once, and it was not a good way to be at all.Kanya,
My parents had a very strange relationship to say the least haha My mom always worked, was emotionally unavailable and my dad raised us girls but was also emotionally unavailable. I have noticed that even in a relationship that I am happy in, I tend to not show much emotion. I always assumed that I mirrored this behavior because of how I grew up. I look forward to hearing other member’s stories 🙂Debra,
I agree with Heidi 100%. He is behaving like a child and DOES NOT deserve you. What a jerk! I can see how it would add even more confusion that he introduced you to his kid too. I say put yourself back out there and watch for the guys that want to rush in to things, because like heidi said, they will be quick o rush out too.Catherine,
Why did he stop going to counseling? I would assume that if you saw that it was working, he would continue to go.Joan,
Now I am not a coach in any way, but I would not tolerate that. I have had boyfriends before that would send texts that were completely unacceptable and this would be one of them. Have you spoke to him about it? Why does he say that he felt the need to sext someone?
StephCatherine,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. It must be so frustrating not being able to depend on him being there especially when you really need him. Has he stopped going to counseling? I have had relationships before that were unreliable. I got to the point where I stopped asking because I knew I would just be disappointed when he didn’t show up. Now I am not a counselor in any way, but I noticed that when I stopped asking, not only did I not set myself up for disappointment, he also started showing more interest in the things that were going on. Maybe talk to him and let him know how this makes you feel. It has obviously become a pattern and if it is not addressed, I assume he will continue to do this. I hope this helps 🙂
StephEmily,
Maybe bring up that it was nice running in to them the other night. That could lead to them asking if that was your boyfriend and then you could clear it up and let them know you are single 🙂 Hope you have an awesome time tonight!Abby,
You have not done anything wrong. You have obviously tried to handle this situation before getting to the point of breaking up. You have so much going on health wise right now that you need the support instead of BEING the support. He has made his own choices in life and that has gotten him to where he is now, ie a stressful job. You seem to have done everything imaginable and he still isn’t getting it. This is not your fault.Grace,
What a confusing and hard time this must be for you. I was in a similar situation a few months back. I work all day, go home and make dinner, feed the dogs, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, all while my boyfriend sat in his recliner in front of the tv. The resentment built up very quickly and it gave me a very short fuse. Even him asking me to get him a water while we were sitting on the couch together was enough for me to explode. I didnt want to nag him to help me, I wanted him to WANT to help me and relieve some of my stress. This didnt happen. I finally started reading His Secret Obsession. I made a list of boundaries, ie, If you do A, B & C then D, E &F will happen. It was a struggle at first but after a few months I dont have to ask him to take the trash out anymore or wash a dish if I have already cleaned the kitchen. MEN! My heart goes out to you because I know how lonely you must be feeling right now. I truly hope that he maintains contact with you after he gets the rest of his things. I will keep you in my thoughts!Shannon,
My guy and I met through work. He was a tattoo artist and I did body modification. We were best friends, went through some breakups together and helped each other. Then one day we started dating haha. I feel it is much easier to be open with him because he has literally seen me at my worst and my best.Hi Tee!
Wow you have been going through some stuff! I agree with you in this last statement about getting conflicting opinions. Only you know how YOU really feel and what is best for you. I went through a divorce 6 years ago, and I KNEW it was what was absolutely best for both of us, but EVERYONE else told us we were making a mistake. The worst feeling to me is feeling like I am not making the right choice. So I think you are right to keep it to yourself until you are ready to tell other people. Keep on keeping on girl!Hi Shannon,
I want to say that I think you are being very strong and handling this situation much better than I ever could. I have been cheated on countless times and it hurts. I am a one and done type of person and I wonder if I had given another chance if things could have worked out. I feel that I could not get over the image I had in my head. It would not go away. I started seeking counseling and actually ended up in a relationship with a guy whose mother is a therapist. At first I didnt want to ever talk to her hahaha I didnt want her seeing things in me I had not seen yet. But eventually I would speak to her about things and she really opened my eyes to some of myfeelings. I am so glad that you are working through this with him and that you guys are doing it together. You will be in my thoughts!Lauren have you sent the “I need your help text” yet? This must be so confusing. Its hard to gauge what he is thinking. but I think that you are right when you say you shouldnt be the only one trying. Maybe if he is still willing to help you with something then maybe you would be able to have a conversation with him while he is helping.
