[Laurie G]

Thank you, Spyce! You always provide such wonderful support, encouragement and food for thought. Your perspectives and insights are very helpful!
I so hate it that you have gone through a similar experience. I don’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. It especially encourages me to gain your insights on how you got through it. It still hurts deeply, but I know the only way out is through. I keep taking one step at a time in moving forward. It feels like such a roller coaster…one step forward…two steps back…three forward…two back etc…but I truly believe time heals all wounds when we forge ahead and allow ourselves to feel all the range of feelings versus numbing the pain. I’m really committed to “walking through” and facing all my feelings both good and bad. Some days are harder than others.
Since I last wrote you, he has contacted me twice. There’s been no mention of the letter where I revealed what I knew…Just a lot of nonchalant “stuff”. Today though, he texted me again and casually mentioned he was going on a trip to Hilton Head with his sister and brother-in-law next week. They are the ones he told the other women he was with when we were on our trip in June. He wrote that in combination with other general information shared. I didn’t respond, but I was flooded with more pain…sick to my stomach kind of feeling.
You mentioned about delving into how I approach establishing relationships. I’ve always been somewhat cautious especially after my divorce. I seem to wonder when the shoe is going to fall. I doubt myself frequently. I don’t want to be that way. I know in my heart I have so much love to give. I do fear, though, that I will close myself off in the future from not wanting to be blind-sighted again. I definitely have fear about trusting what is real. I just keep trying to exhale, practice mindfulness and challenge myself when I begin to focus on distorted thoughts (e.g. “I’m not good enough” “The other women are better”…blah, blah, blah). I’m really trying hard not to “go there”. I really do believe this will pass in time.
Thank you again, Spyce for staying in touch with me, sharing your great insights and encouraging me when I need it the most.
Warm regards,
Laurie

[Laurie G]

Hello Spyce,

Thank you for your response. You always provide such good insights and “food for thought”.

When I mentioned “opening up emotional wounds,” I was referring to the severe pain I felt when I first discovered I had been betrayed by him. It devastated me to read all the seductive and emotional texts he wrote to five women while he was on the trip with me. I was extremely blind-sighted and hurt. But, now that you mention it, and as I reflect about it, I did recall those same old familiar feelings in the past. The biggest one is when my husband left and divorced me after telling me he didn’t love me anymore. I absolutely had no clue. While it didn’t involve other women (that I know of), it was totally out of the blue. He was eventually remorseful. He told me he made a huge mistake and begged me to come back to him. That meant so much to me. I respected him for that. It helped me close the last chapter of our journey together with peace.

That was many years ago. Since then, I have guarded my heart closely. I was happy I could allow myself to let go and get close to someone again. He turned on all the charm. Since he was the one that heavily pursued me, I thought he was sincere. I am typically a strong, confident and independent woman, so I am struggling from feeling so foolish. While I know a big part of my struggle comes being blind-sighted, disrespected, tested, compared and rejected, I simply don’t understand why I’m not rushing to hang him out to dry and put him in his place.

I so greatly appreciate your encouragement and support. It truly helps me process my thoughts and feelings.

Bless you,

Laurie

[Laurie G]

Thank you, Spyce!
Just an update-It’s been over a month since I wrote anything to you. I ended up sending a letter to him disclosing what I knew about the other women and expressing my feelings. Since I’ve been very busy, and needed time to process how to tell him what I knew, I only sent the letter a couple of weeks ago. Prior to that time, he had no idea I knew. I haven’t seen him since we got back from the trip, but prior to sending the letter, he texted me often (every couple of days) and has called several times…just general conversation.
I haven’t heard anything at all from him since I sent the letter two weeks ago. That’s very unusual for him, so I’m assuming he just disregarded everything in it and doesn’t think I deserve a response. In the meantime, I found out from my friend that he took the other woman from our small town on a trip about three weeks ago. My friend, that discovered he was seeing her, found out in a nonchalant way. As usual, it was very secretive. It was especially bizarre when I found out that SHE also lied about the trip and the fact she was with “him”. SHE actually covered it up as well and said she was with one of her girlfriends. Apparently, no one is the wiser.
It’s so crazy to me. I’m really struggling. My emotional wounds have been reopened and I’m feeling devastated again. I hate it that I even think twice about this man and that I even care! Since I haven’t heard a word from him since I sent the letter, I’m assuming he simply just blew it off and discounted every word I wrote and every feeling I shared. I guessing he will never acknowledge anything nor contact me again. While I certainly can’t control that, and it doesn’t surprise me in the slightest, I hate it that it still hurts me deeply and intensifies my pain.
My friend is thinking about telling her about his involvement with me, but I just don’t know if I want to be involved with the drama that may ensue from that. I feel so foolish for still hurting over this. I just wish my heart would allow myself to catch up with my mind that tells me not to give him a second thought. It doesn’t help that the person he is heavily pursuing now is apparently very kind with a personality like mine.
Thank you for your help and advice. I always feel better when I communicate with you!
Laurie

[Laurie G]

Hello Spyce,

Thank you very much for your response. I can’t tell you how helpful it was to get your feedback. I really needed it! It was such a good reality check to read your wise words!

You asked me what I want. You are right. I think I am having the fantasy that there is some explanation for this. If I’m honest with myself, I just can’t believe and face that he is treating me like this. I also don’t want to face the fact that he is with other women and telling them what he used to say to me. I thought it was all genuine. Only for me. I believed every word he said to me. He treated me so well in the beginning (or so I thought). I wanted to believe I was the only one for him. So, in reality, I’m in a state of denial. It’s so hard for me to face this. I feel so much emotional pain, and at the same time, I feel so stupid and like such a fool. I am a highly educated woman. He is a doctor. How could I let this happen? I so wish I could feel angry. Why am I having such a hard time confronting him and this situation? Deep down, I don’t feel I was “good enough” for him and I feel rejected. I know, though, that he is the type of person that gets his high from the chase.

We have talked twice through texts since we returned last week from our trip. The first text he told me how much he enjoyed traveling with me and that he would like to do it again. The second text he gave me a bill for my part of the airline tickets and other components of the trip. Nothing else.

I need some help on how to confront him. Do I do it in a letter, in person? Do I tell him I read the texts? Do I tell the other women about what I discovered? I go back and forth with that as well. One of the women he is actively pursuing now is a friend of one of my best friends. We live in a small community. I told my friend about it. It makes me sick to my stomach to know the words I read on the texts to the other women are the exact same words and behaviors he used on me! He texted two women and told them he was missing them while he was on the trip with me. I discovered he also texted me and sent pictures of places he was at when he was on trips with other women. Of course he told me he was with relatives. So, I really need some advice/suggestions of how to confront them.

Thank you again for your help and assistance. This is really hitting me hard.

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