[Carrie S]

I do struggle with connecting to my own self – I’m VERY good at compartmentalizing.

[Carrie S]

Hi Heidi – Thank you for the in depth replies!

1. We had(have) a great relationship of trust and openness – from the get go he said he wasn’t great at ‘romance’ and truthfully I don’t need it – don’t need or care about the words or gifts classically associated with romance anyway – I do need/want the physicality, acts of kindness and the quality time aspects of it. Our sex was very physical but did fall into 1 pretty classic pattern and wasn’t inventive.

2. Thank you for the vote of confidence and individuality – I do want to focus on the energy of sexuality – He said that he sees the ‘child’ in me – the lost little girl – I asked for more specifics but he said it was a ‘sense’ he got. I don’t love dancing but I imagine there is more than one way to encourage that right?

3. I think that a lot of that ties back to #2 and the fact that I struggle to ask for help – especially surrounding my emotions … I think I offer to help him too much – and that is perceived as a lack of faith. I think his own insecurities especially when he is tired lead him into a tunnel of doubt and then my comments, suggestions or offers lead to him thinking/feeling I don’t have faith in him.

4. The room – I think a separate room is good for me for sure – do I risk decreasing his attachment though?? I see the benefits for sure.

5. He wants to help me with my sadness and feelings over the loss of the romantic aspects of our relationship – he wants to be there to listen and talk to me about them. At first I was really not interested in that but we did have a great conversation on Thursday evening and it was really very nice to be with him that night… he really is my best friend.

6. I envision myself with less doubt, less questioning over ‘am I doing the right thing’, less anxiety, less of the anxious energy.
I would be more comfortable with my body and I would live by a stronger code that guides my decisions more easily. In summary – I’d fight my fears less and move forward with a greater vision. I’d walk down the street knowing my worth – knowing the man waiting for me loves and adores me.

[Carrie S]

He for sure has said that it was important that I take care of myself – I’m the engine the business runs on – my reputation, name etc… if I go down the business will suffer quite a lot. We are diversifying currently to ease the pressure off me however at the moment it is still there.

[Carrie S]

Hi Heidi,
Here is the background
* In August last year I had essentially a hostile takeover of my business (of 10 years) by the landlord of the property I was leasing – Rick stepped in and helped me through that and we developed a plan to merge our businesses and run them together.
* In October last year we moved my business into our house – it took up @ 75% of it – 4-7 women around all the time – and I started having to work like a fiend to keep things going… so I had nothing left over and honestly stopped focusing on my health or anything –
* I had a small breakdown @ Christmas and have been getting stronger and more self focused since then -we also bought a new property in early March to house the business and things are looking better despite COVID but
* for that stretch from October – March I was a non- entity in the relationship with me realm and mostly became defensive or quiet with him.
* We did have a good talk Last nite and he said he feels I’m not vulnerable with him, don’t have faith in him and don’t have a lot of respect for him.

The sex was great for about 8 months – and really good for another 12 – pretty non existent since October. He’s a pretty serious guy so Verbal flirting is tough – I worry about it being disrespectful… I would like to work on it using my eyes and smile and attitude – that does not come naturally to me.

He focuses strongly on how each of us interacts with the other – we have created a open atmosphere at work and one where every voice is not only heard but counts. He has learned through reading and trial/error that women are very different from men and is working with everyone individually to help them have more confidence, more independence and a thoughtful intentional view of the world.

I was quite shocked when he said he didn’t want to pursue the romantic aspect of our relationship anymore – If I believe the best in everything he says then he is definitely not adverse to it happening again – just not now.

So I guess my goals are to 1. Really focus on becoming that A+ person. 2. Support him and take a more active role in his bid to make the women (and his men) a better overall team.

The reason I think this course/readings/advice is the way is 1. It makes me write stuff like this. 2. I get so many ideas when I read stuff it’s hard to know where to start. Right now I’m focusing on making each experience with him a good one – but I’m only succeeding @ 80% of the time – primarily because of my self-confidence I’m 99% sure. So how do I make that 100%?

I don’t know how much to take him up on his offer to help me through all of this – he wants me to but I struggle for my independence from him if he really doesn’t want to pursue our romantic relationship. This part of it all sends me into spinning circles. Also I can gain no distance from him living in the same house/bed etc… do I ask him to move to another bedroom?? I don’t want to ruin the attachment we do have left. Arrgh…

[Carrie S]

I think he wanted to end it because he doesn’t feel I was taking care of myself enough and that frustrated him.

[Carrie S]

Hi Heidi,
Thank you! We talk a lot about the team and the different members. He’s putting a lot of energy into trying to get us all to communicate well. He says it exhausts him by the end of the day and then he really just wants to be alone or watch YouTube videos. I don’t think he’s attracted to anyone in particular I think he’s mostly just not interested in his and my romance-. He said he doesn’t want to feel like he’s letting me down anymore and he’s in ‘free fall’.
6 months ago he took over managing the business and it moved into our house – it moved out again about a month ago to our new property – it’s a lot of work but a dream we both share.
The ‘end’ happened mostly because he had become increasingly ‘snappy’ with me and when I asked him what was up and what could we do to improve our relationship he said he wanted to end the romantic aspect of it.
Our relationship was great – fun, easy, maybe too relaxed. He has a tendency towards frustration and anger when disrespected but has always communicated well.
C

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